Tomorrow

When I bought them at the store I thought:

I’m just buying more mold

and I know

When I finally open this thin plastic box’s corner buttons

That’s what I’ll see

All mold, the whole damn box blooming

And no blackberry.

 

And I know I'll buy them

Again.

To be rotten and forgotten

Blanketed in white fuzz and wasted time

Waiting for tomorrow

Author's Note

I am stuck on the first stanza I'm not sure how to fix it and its bothering me. Thanks so much for reading let me know if you have ideas to help the first stanza out.

Reviews

[Casey Truax]

Only since you asked, here is my suggestion for editing the opening:

Take out containers fill the waste basket
With empty spaces and rent salt packets.
Fresh fruit glares at me beneath the fridge light
That cuts through my kitchen in the dark.

I’ll definitely eat them tomorrow.
Tomorrow.


Godspeed and keep writing. :)

[Lisasview]

Well, to begin with I find this hysterical..
How many times have forgotten those darn berries in my fridge only to find them full of cold.
So I think your concept is so so funny.
You ask for help with this.
Maybe not so much repetition.
As there is no rhyme..you could perhaps separate the sentences so it flows better..Now it is more like a short story.
So, for example it could go like.. Just a thought..

Fill the wastebaskets
with mold filled containers.
Smashed blackberrie
small boxes glare at me;
under the fridge light.

Lisa now in Spain

[Bee Oxford]

Thanks so much for the review! I know the first stanza really needs work in this as it sounds like a run-on sentence and doesn't flow very nicely. I do think I will keep the repetition because it's important to the meaning I think. For rhymes I was trying with:
'Waste Basket' and 'Salt packet'
'Fridge light' and 'each night'

This has given me some good food for thought so thank you very much for the review I appreciate it!

[Lisasview]

Yes I saw those rhymes within a line..
Glad to have given you food for thought.
If you have time perhaps you could read mine.. You might like
Time or Hand-In-Hand
Lisa

[John the Baptist]

I think this poem has a deeper meaning, perhaps procrastination, perhaps the feeling of helplessness before the passage of time. However, it was the surface meaning that caught my eye. I cannot recall how many times I have cursed the meager shelf life of blackberries. It seems as though a day after you put them in the fridge they have the consistency of badly prepared jello. Only raspberries are worse, and I gave up on them long ago.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

I happen to like this...and the metaphor works so well...
we keep making plans over and over, but they lie dormant until they rot from decay.

Then we make another plan and so on and so on...much like Langston Hughes' "Dream Deferred"---

[Bee Oxford]

Thank you I actually haven't read a lot of Langston Hughes but thats such a high complement. Always appreciate the reviews!

[Wild Rose]

Just emptied the salad drawer from our fridge:
Soggy cucumber - they don't keep well
mouldy radish; limp lettuce; mould covered tomatoes; Celery going soft

It filled the empty paint bucket used to hold all the materials > Now to take it over to the compost bin

Why do we buy so much > I wonder

[Bee Oxford]

thanks for reading and reviewing!

[Unspoken poet]

When I finally open this thin plastic box’s corner buttons
That’s what I’ll see:
All mold, the whole damn box blooming
And no blackberry.

I liked this part, this is really good, I enjoyed this

[Bee Oxford]

Thank you for the review!

[rmarrwrites]

-I think the meaning is trying to invest in the hope of enriching or improving your life/having more fulfilling experiences, but not finding the effort and knowing or fearing that they won't be as good as you expect. You ultimately don't follow through with them and fall back to the same old lifestyle/habits.

-I really liked the first and last paragraphs.

-I'd say the length of "Blackberries smashed into a small box glare at me
under the fridge light" feels a bit out of place, it feels like one long continuous sentence to me when I read it
-Could say "torn" instead of "split" salt packets?
-You don't particularly need the colons and period where you've used them, and it looks a bit inconsistent if you use only those.
-That being said, if you are going down the route of using more punctuation, maybe use commas and periods or just periods in "Tomorrow, I'll definitely eat them tomorrow (X2)"?
-Also, just an alternative, you could say "blanketed" instead of "covered in a blanket"

Thanks, great read.

[Bee Oxford]

Thank you for such a thoughtful review, this is really helpful to me! I agree with most of these notes and am excited to see how it turns out after making edits.Exactly the review I have been waiting for, Much appreciated!