If Ever

An attempt on a sonnet. Can you tell me what you guys think?

If ever there was a rose so sweet

To take away the pain

If ever there were the souls so fleet

For darkness hearts to reign

If ever the sun refused to shine

To cast upon it's darkened heart

A shadow so soft and forever mine

To tear this lonely world apart

If ever the moon were swallowed away

Rinsing  down the traces of love

If ever it passes forever and a day

Let out caged and peaceful dove

For if ever there was a rose so pure

It's the sign of love that's come to endure

Author's Note

I thought it was alright... ? Any opinions?

Reviews

[WhiteWillow]

A lovely piece. The repeat of "If ever..." works well, and was easy to read. Nice job.

[J Todd Underhill]

Nice attempt, not 100% by sonnet standards but modern poetic terms would say that knowing the rules enough to break them is good enough.

[Stefano Ianiro]

Awhh this is so beauitful! I loved it. Really smooth and soft words, and it flowed very nicely, great job!

[Secret Lullaby]

well i think it was good :) It was relay sweet and i was smiling at the screen while i read it :)