As Much As I Say It I'm Not Okay

Thinking, of MCR. Listening to Blake Shelton

Always keeping to myself, strong walls built up tall

Stopping anyone from getting in, or ever getting close

 

More and more I fall to the bottom, keeping myself away

Un-kept, and worried, my heart has begun to stray

Changing to fit the pain, that's bestowed upon myself

Hurting so much I can't see, I can't even speak

 

As it shall always be, this is the way of life

So be it, I don't care, it'll end with strife

I wished it different in dreams, but dreams aren't real

 

Showing you, this is the way it has to be

And I wasn't meant to be happy, I wasn't meant to smile

You just have to learn, that I'm not what I seem

 

It's only a short time, a short little lesson

To bring this into notice, how I really feel inside

 

I guess I loved you, but I could never admit that

Maybe I should have kept my mouth sewed shut with a needle

 

Not that it matters what I say, or what I think and do

Only wishing, or hoping that somehow I could have you back

To the way we were before, but that's gone as it is

 

Opium shooting up my veins now, it's too late to care

Key to my heart left buried, under an onslaught of hate

And they wondered what was wrong, why I'm different now

You're the only one who knows, and that's how it shall stay

Author's Note

Drug reference isn't real to me in this one.