The First Night

So, just more rambling. I actually like doing this.

I beg, I beg. Please don’t do this.  You know it’s not fair and I only want the best for you. I keep trying to show you how I feel, but I guess I’m falling short. I guess I’m just not good enough for you are I? Too young or is it something else that I need to know? Won’t you tell me or am I just left here to wonder? I’m sorry for rambling, but I have to get this across before it slips out of my mind like a penny down the drain. I’m listening to this song and I know I don’t want to lose you more than anything. Sure it’s a journal, and it’s personal, but I need you to know what it is I feel. I know I said I liked you and I know I told you I wouldn’t press it. But it’s starting to grasp my mind further, and I can’t stop it. I still won’t tell you my name, but this is what’s going through my mind right now. If you don’t like it you don’t have to read it. I know it’s all mushy gushy. You’ll just have to deal with it. My emotions aren’t run by your mind. They’re run by me. Now, where was I at? I can’t remember. Thanks a lot. Oh well, maybe I should get away from him before he taints my mind too much. I shouldn’t be falling for someone who doesn’t like me anyways, right? Or is it just me who thinks like that? Hopefully not; now I realize. Why in the world am I asking so many questions to “you”? I mean it’s not like you can answer them. It’s not like I’m still around for you to answer them to me. I wonder if you’re answering them in your head like I know I would. Are you? Ugh, never mind with all that. You’re probably wondering to your best abilities now who the person above is. Not like I need to tell you. Isn’t it self-explanatory? I’m only a teenager. I’m allowed to be infatuated with someone to the point I can’t stand it. Of course the guy doesn’t realize how bad it is and I won’t tell him either. Not for anything. You probably think this is un-fair, but it’s the best way. Trust me. It’d never work between the two of us unless he was willing to cooperate with me. Which really, to be honest, I don’t think he will. But I should drop him for tonight. You probably don’t want to hear about my boy drama or whatever. You probably want to know what all my secrets are and, most of all, what my name is. Which of course, as I said, I’m not telling you that. For my own personal reasons that I shouldn’t go into at the moment; now, what secret should I tell you first? I have so many that I could tell you. They swirl around in my mind you know. Maybe I’ll tell this one; or maybe that one. That’s the generalization of my thoughts right now. Or maybe I shouldn’t tell any of these at all, but then again that would defeat the purpose of you reading this, and me writing it. So I have to tell you something. Well, let’s see, I guess I could mention that time. Yeah, I should. No, maybe I should start with a different approach. Okay, I know what I’m going to say. You’re probably well confused by this point, but I promise I have my mind made up now. I’ll tell you this secret for tonight. I don’t live with my parents. I’ll let you ponder that thought while I go to bed. I’ll tell you more in the morning. But remember, I won’t tell you my name.

Author's Note

Is it still good? Or am I just wasting my time?

Reviews

[Silvario]

again, i actually enjoy the realistic way youve presented this 'entry' as far as the writing. when we journal we typically scramble through it, penning thought after thought. this illistrates that nicely.

that said, i new paragraph here and there would help make easier to read. also as intriguing as this idea is, and it is indeed, i do find myself hoping it will go somewhere other than random entries. which im guessing it will. if so, you may very well be on to something with this :)

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

Its a main stream of thought process, I love you fire and passion for writing, but maybe a little break up of the sentences and a good re-read through wouldnt do any harm, a great concept