Chapter Six

I don't know if it is done yet. If i decide it isn't, there will be a chapter 6.2. And my fingers are glued together. S**t.

I wake up on my couch. At first I don't remember anything and it is a great few seconds. But then I see the mascara stains on the shirt I'm wearing and Rory on the couch next to me. It all floods back; everything that happened, every word spoken. Paavo is gone.

            I stand up slowly, hoping to not wake Rory. He looks weird sleeping curled up in the fetal position. But he also looks like he is comfortable and if I wake him I will feel bad.

            As I slide off the couch Rory grunts and moves. I freeze and watch him. Of course, he wakes up. "Where are you going?" He asks.

            "I need a shower." I answer. "I'll make breakfast when I'm done."

            "I need my shirt back." He holds out his hand. I go into the hall and ignore him. "Hey, I'm cold, mate!" He shouts after me.

            "So get a blanket, there is one on the back of the couch." I call back.

            "Ooh! It's soft and cuddly!" I look back into the living room to see what Rory is doing. He is bundled up in the blanket and rolling around on the floor.

            I leave him there to act like a weirdo and go into the bathroom. I pull back the curtains and switch on the water, but I just stand there. My mind is totally blank again and nothing matters. I don't care that I'm probably wasting a ton of water, and a ton of time.

            What's the point? Paavo is gone. I'm never going to see my Veli again. I am going to live in this house alone. Every morning I'm going to wake up and the house will be empty. Every night I will come home from school and there will be emptiness. Each and every day I will be reminded of losing him.

            Rory knocks on the door. "You have been in there for forty five minutes, are you okay?"

            I jump. Has it really been that long? I have been standing here staring for almost an hour. "I'm fine." I shut off the water and open the door.

            Rory looks confused and I don't meet his gaze. I don't want him to see the tears forming in my eyes. I can't cry all the time. I have to grow up. I'm not a child that can cry every time something bad happens. I have to suck it up and act like an adult. I'm seventeen damn years old.

            "You haven't showered. What have you been doing this whole time?" Rory asks.

            "I don't even know." I frown at the floor. "I just went blank."

            "It's okay. Just go back to sleep and I'll make breakfast. I can even call Danika, Mike, and Jett over if you want." Rory pulls me into a hug.

            "Why are you helping?" I ask. "You have only known me for a week and yet you act like I'm a close friend of yours."

            "I am helping you because you shouldn't have to be alone right now. It doesn't matter that I've only known you for a week, you are still my friend and we need to stick together." Rory lifts my head up and smiles. "And I need a singer still."

            I laugh weakly. "I see how it is. You just don't want to lose your cheap singer." I lightly punch his arm. "And thanks for all the little jokes. I really need something to keep my mind off things."

            "I'm glad to help." Rory chuckles. "But don't try to run away from the truth forever. At some point you have to accept it."

            "I know. But right now I just want to sleep." I leave to go to my room.

            I open the door easily, which is unusual. My room is a disaster, and things always block the door from opening all the way. I look around the room. Everything is where is belongs, the shelves organized, the desk clean. A basket of clean and folded laundry sits by the dresser. On the top of the basket is a note.

            'Pellervo, your room has been a disaster all your life, no matter where we have lived. Now that I am the head of the house I will not let you live in a pigsty. I cleaned your room for you. You're welcome.

                                    ~Paavo'

            I place the note on the desk and start putting away to laundry. Paavo must have been home cleaning my room all yesterday. I feel like a horrible person for treating him so badly all this week. All he was doing was trying to help me out and I yelled at him. What kind of sister am I?

            "Vittu." I mutter and lay down on my bed. It's all too much right now. I just need to sleep.

 

 

            I wake up much later in the day to the sound of someone walking up the stairs. It's probably just Rory, so I pull the blankets over my head and try to fall back asleep.

            "Sweetie?" Danika speaks from across the room.

            I turn to look at her. "Hm?"

            She sits at the foot of the bed. "I started making arrangements for a funeral."

            "Thanks." I flash a smile at her.

            "We are all going to be here for you, Mike, Jett, Rory, and me."  Danika pats my leg. "The boys are downstairs trying to cook for you. I should go make sure they don't burn your house down."

            "Voi Luoja." I sigh. "I'll come down in a little bit."

            "Alright, honey." Danika gets up and leaves the room.

            I lay on my back staring at the ceiling for a while. Part of me just wants to stay in this bed forever and never think about anything but sleeping, but I know I have to go downstairs and see everyone and act like I'm not devastated by this loss. All of them will tell me it's okay to cry and it's okay to not want to do anything right now. They will try to comfort me and hug me.

            I don't want to be talked to; I don't want to talk to anyone. I want to sleep and pretend that no time has passed. Paavo is just running late. The traffic is bad. He went to a farther away store. He realized he needed some other groceries. He isn't dead. That's just impossible. And I'm going to see him later on.

            But when I go downstairs all of that will be shattered. I will see Mike, Jett, Danika, and Rory and they will say sorry for my loss. They will give me tissues every time I cry. They will take care of me like I'm helpless. And Paavo won't be down there.

            I will walk down those stairs, hear voices, and hope that it's Paavo talking on the phone or mumbling under his breath while studying. But I will walk into the living room and see the guys and Danika, without any sign of Paavo any where. It will all be made real again and I don't want that to happen.

            "Pellervo! Pikkukorppi!" Rory shouts from the bottom of the staircase.

            Should I get up and go downstairs? Or should I just pretend that I didn't hear him? Pretending to have suddenly gone deaf is so much easier. I pull my knees up to my chest and start crying again.

            Heavy footsteps come up the stairs. I know it is Rory, and I pretend to be asleep when he comes in. He doesn't fall for it and shakes me until I admit that I am faking it.

            "It's time to come eat. You can't sleep all day and starve." Rory sits me up. I try to lie back down but he holds me up.

            "I'm not hungry." I wrap my blankets around my shoulders.

            "You have to be hungry." Rory pulls me out of bed. "We worked hard to make you dinner; you are going to eat it."

            "But I just want to sleep. If I go downstairs it would be to get some water." I sit on the floor at Rory's feet.

            "I'll let you have a smoke." Rory holds a pack just out of my reach. "And I'll throw in an extra ten dollars for the gig coming up."

            "What gig?" I ask. No one told me anything about having to do a show.

            "In two weeks, I was going to tell you today but you slept the whole time." Rory puts the cigarettes back in his shirt pocket.

            "Oh. Well, get me a whole pack of smokes and an extra ten dollars and I'll sing for you guys." I look at him, knowing he will say yes.

            "Awright, but you have to come downstairs and eat." Rory pulls me off the floor.

            I look at my bedroom door, knowing what walking through it will mean. Rory won't leave me alone until I go, so I follow him downstairs.

            He gives me a cigarette and I light it as I sit down at the table. No body protests and I know why. I feel bad and leave to go outside like a polite person should. I don't want them to suffer because none of them want to tell me to do anything right now.

            Rory sits down next to me, but doesn't smoke. I look at him curiously. "I had one before going to get you." He says and I nod.

            Awkward silence falls over us. It's awful and I can't stand it. Something needs to distract me from the feeling of depression that is quickly closing in on me. Even if it is just a conversation about what school work was handed out today. Although, Rory wouldn't know what happened in school today because he was here with me.

            I hate all of this. I just want to have Paavo back. But that won't happen, and I know it. I take a long drag from the cigarette and throw it to the ground. Rory looks at me, silently asking if we should go inside. I shake my head. I don't want to go talk to any one yet.

           

Author's Note

the next one or two chapters will be Pellervo sulking, but they won't be excruciatingly boring... Hopefully... Also, if Pellervo and Rory smoking under the legal age limit offends any one, I am deeply sorry. I just needed an excuse for them to sit outside alone.

Reviews

[GrandDystopia]

Wow, powerful stuff this has become, you have grown so much as a writer since i started reading your stuff i find it a civil crime that more people are reading, (doesn't matter people are overated anyway) Keep going with this, i have enjoyed it since the beginning.