Chapter Four

All I do is write, so here is another chapter.

I wake up to the sound of loud music and shouting. Where is it coming from? Why is it so noisy? Shouldn't I be in my room sleeping soundly? I open my eyes to look around and what I see is definitely not my room.
    I see Mike and Jett sitting against the wall across the room from me and it looks like we might be in a guest bedroom or something but Rory is nowhere to be seen. I can hear him though. His voice gets louder and louder until he bursts through the door and just stands there screaming at the top of his lungs.
    "I am here with food from Danika! She feeds us now! Oh, she is such a lovely prison guard! Maybe one day she will stop beating us every hour!" He holds out a huge plate of breakfast food.
    "Shut up, idiot. I'm still really tired." Jett rubs his forehead.
    "It's noon, get over it." Mike pushes him.
    "I haven't slept at all though!" Jett whines and Mike hits him harder. "You are so mean to me all the time."
    "Stop being a puss wuss and I won't be mean to you." Mike hits Jett again.
    "Stop being five year olds or I'm kicking both of your asses!" Rory throws forks at them.
    I remember that I was wearing Rory's short before, but now he is wearing it. Which means....
    "Holy f**k balls! I'm naked!" I jump up and start to run out, but realize that if I am shirtless I should get a blanket or something to cover up. So I go back to where I was laying to grab one.
    "What the hell is Pellervo's problem?" Rory looks at me.
    "You took your shirt back." I put a blanket around myself.
    "Yeah, I did, because you got your Radiohead shirt back. Don't worry; I wouldn't make you go about half naked." Rory laughs.
    I check to see if Rory is telling the truth. He is. My old Radiohead shirt looks good as new too. I start to blush and hide my face in the blanket. I just made a fool of myself by screaming that I don't have a shirt. That is something crazy people do. I must look so stupid.
    "Hey, don't copy me, b***h!" Mike glares and points at me. I look up, wondering what he is talking about.
    He is wrapped up in the same blue blanket as before. "Do you always wear that thing?" I ask.
    "Pretty much whenever I am not at school... It earned me the nickname FAB! It stands for Freak And Blanket!" Mike looks especially proud of his ridiculous name.
    "You guys are all weirdos. Why the hell am I stuck with you?" I sigh and throw the blanket I had onto the floor.
    "You aren't stuck with us, you can leave at anytime. But seeing as you are a weirdo yourself, you probably won't go very far without us." Jett says like he is Einstein or something.
    I sigh and sit down on the floor across from Mike and Jett. Rory leaves again for some reason. I wonder why I didn't leave last night. Were we up super late? When did we go to sleep? If it is noon when we wake up we were probably up for quite a while. It has been so long since I have stayed up past midnight and it is kicking the s**t out of me. I am definitely going to need a coffee.
    I smell the bitter scent of fresh coffee as it floats into the room through the open door. I inhale deeply, wishing I knew where it was coming from and if I could have a cup. Danika comes into the room with five mugs. She hands them out to the three of us then glances around the room for Rory.
    "Where did he go?" She asks.
    "Probably went out for a smoke." Mike answers.
    "Geeze, he smokes before every meal!" Danika shakes her head. "I guess I'll go bring his coffee to him."
    "No, I'll do it, Danika." I smile and stand, taking the mug from her hands. "I have to talk to Rory really quickly anyway."
    Danika nods and leaves. Mika gives me a curious look but doesn't say a word as I leave. Why did he look at me like that? It isn't like I'm going to do anything bad. Seriously, all I want is to apologize for crying yesterday. And maybe a cigarette too.
    I sit next to Rory and hand him his coffee. He mutters thanks and takes a sip. He stares off into space, so I decide to speak after taking a sip of my coffee.
    "I'm sorry for crying. That was probably weird." I look at my coffee as I speak.
    Rory responds with silence. I wait a little longer. Still nothing. I glance at him out of the corner of my eye. He notices and holds his pack of cigarette out to me.
    "Take one." He thrusts it towards me. I pull one out of the box and he hands me a lighter. "What are these in Finnish?"
    "Savuke." I answer. "Why?"
    "Just curious, mate." Rory shrugs. "The language is interesting to me. I used to think it was gibberish s**t, but hearing you speak it makes it interesting."
    What? That makes no sense. Hitto, why are people confusing? I just want every one to be nice and straightforward and make sense all the time so I will never again incorrectly guess at what someone is trying to say.
    "Huh?" Is all I say as a response to Rory.
    "The way you just spit your Finnish yet speak it so fluidly at the same time is interesting and makes me actually like the language. It's hard to explain. You speak differently than every other Finn that I've met. But I haven't met many."
    "Oh. Okay." I mumble.
    "Hey, don't mutter like you are under the weather and wishing you could just sleep!" Rory shoves my shoulder. "Stop it."
    "I'm not sulking, runkkari." I glare at him.
    "I know, I'm just messing with you." Rory laughs. "And it's okay that you cried. I don't mind."
    "Alright." I look at my coffee again.     
    "Don't cry a lot, because being sad is lame, but whenever you feel down you can talk to me." Rory puts one arm around me in a failed attempt to hug me.
    "Thanks." I look up at him, then quickly look back at my coffee and take a sip so I won't have to speak any more. I drink to quickly and start coughing. Rory pats my back and chuckles a little
    "Don't top yourself now." He shakes his head. "Drowning in a sip of coffee would be a pathetic way to die."
    I sputter as I get the last bit of coffee out. "And what is a good way to die?" I say sarcastically, because there isn't really a good way to go.
    "Well, I would like to die old and happy." Rory stares off into space again. "I want to die old and happy."
    "Why?" I ask.
    "Well, that's how everyone would want to die, really. No one truly wants to go young, because then you miss out on all the finer parts of living, and dying old and unhappy wouldn't be quite as nice as dying happy." Rory looks at me. "It really isn't something you ask why about."
    "Oh, sorry." I take another sip of coffee.
    "It's awright."
    "Awright?" I question how he says it.
    "I've always said it awright. Don't question me, b***h!" Rory turns his back to me and starts muttering. "One day. I swear. One day I'm gonna snap." he turns back around. "You make me do this!"
    "You are such a vittupaa." I stick my tongue out at him.
    "There you go, using your foreign-ness against me!" Rory gives me the most childish looking death glare ever.  
    "What's wrong, too stupid to remember what I told you it meant last night?" I tease.
    "Piss off, twat." Rory laughs, unable to continue glaring at me with a straight face.
    "My feelings are hurt now." I cover my face with my hands and pretend to cry.
    "Aw, bullocks, don't be such a p***y." Rory chuckles and pats my back. "Let's go back inside now. Breakfast is probably getting cold."
    "Yeah." I stand and notice that I still have Rory's lighter. As I hand it back to him I realize that I still have a cigarette between my fingers, unlit. "Oh, oops, here's you cigarette."
    "Are you easily distracted or something?" He laughs and puts it back in its box.
    "Not really, but sometimes I zone out and forget everything around me." I run my fingers through my hair and laugh lightly. "It's a bad habit that gets me into trouble. Especially with Paavo, he hates when I stop listening to what he says."
    "Is anything he says worth listening to?" Rory asks. It's a weird question that I have never thought about before.
    Does Paavo ever tell me anything worthwhile? He tells me to suck it up, and to stop crying, but that doesn't help me feel any better about what happened. And when he tells me to not be afraid of going to school he doesn't tell me why, just that I'm stupid. He always reminds me that I messed up my life when I was younger. He brings up bad memories and things that make me cry.
    "No, nothing he says really helps me. Instead it makes me feel bad." I frown at the step.
    "So in a way it's good that you don't listen to him all the time. If the things you do listen to make you feel bad, then how would you feel if you heard all of it? Worse, probably." Rory puts his hand on my shoulder and smiles. "Your ability to block out what you don't want to hear is good. It will get you into trouble here and there but you can ignore all the negative words people speak if you want. That will keep you from getting dragged down with their negativity."
    "That's a good thing? Usually ignoring everything is bad." I chuckle. "But I guess you're right."
    "I'm always right, mate!" Rory grins stupidly.
    I shake my head and go inside. Mike and Jett call my name and I follow the sound back to the room I woke up in. They toss me a fork and a plate and I sit across from them. Mike gives me some of the food. I stare at it for a little bit and set the plate down.
    "What is it?" Jett asks.
    "I'm not hungry right now." I stand up and turn to leave, but Rory blocks the doorway.
    "Where are you going?" He asks and continues to stand in my way.
    "I need to call Paavo to tell him when I will be home." I try to step around him, but he moves to stop me.
    "Why?" He asks.
    "Because Paavo is a whiney b***h."
    "Why?"
    "Because he always is."
    "Why?"
    "I am going to kick your teeth in if you don't move." I try to duck under Rory's arm but he swings his arms around and picks me up.  I punch his shoulders trying to get him to put me down, but nothing happens.
    "You aren't going anywhere until you eat!" Rory sets me down by the food and pushes me down. "Sit."
    "I'm not hungry and I need to call Paavo." I try to stand up. Rory holds me down by my shoulders. "Vittupaa."
    "If you don't eat you won't be well enough to come with us today." Mike says and gives me back my fork.
    "Where are you guys going and why do I have to go with?" I ask before putting some room-temperature scrambled eggs into my mouth.
    "We are going to Rory's to practice because his dad is going to be gone. And you have to go with us so we can hear you sing." Jett takes a peace of toast.
    "I'm not singing!" I jab my fork at him. "If you need someone to do electronics, sure, but there is no way in hell that I will sing."
    "We will tie you to the top of the van then." Mike points to something behind me. I turn around and see rope.
    "Do I want to know why you guys have rope in a bedroom?" I scoot away from them.
    "It's for the prisoners." Mike shrugs.
    I finish eating quickly so I can call Paavo as soon as possible. And maybe he will tell me to get home. I set my plate down and go to leave. As I go Rory tosses me a lighter and his box of smokes. "Because you didn't have one earlier." He explains.
    I toss it back. "I don't need it." I dial Paavo's cell as I leave. Danika smiles as I pass her in the hall and I nod, acknowledging her. Even her smile reminds me of Aiti Korppi. Why do I have to be reminded?
    "What?" Paavo answers sounding annoyed.
    "I'm just checking in." I say. "When do you want me home?"
    "I don't care. It isn't like you will listen to me anyway." Paavo hangs up. I throw my phone onto the floor and go outside.
    It's bright and warm outside. People across the street play in their yard. They laugh and just look so happy, like the perfect little family. I wish I could have a family like that. I want to be little again so I can run around with Aiti, Isa, and Paavo and live happily. I really just want my old life back. Before I started acting up, before my vanhempi died, before moving to England, before everything.
    I hear the door open and close and I look over my shoulder to see who it is. Mike, Jett, and Rory wave and stand awkwardly behind me. I rough up my hair and smile, pretending to be alright. "Paavo says I can stay out all day. When do you guys plan on leaving?" I ask.
    "We are leaving right now." Mike says as he walks past me. I follow them to the van and wait for all of them to get in before finding my place. I sit next to Jett, who turns and looks away from me. I wonder what the hell he is doing. No one glares at a window like that without a reason.
    I sigh and go to tie my shoes up, but they aren't on my feet. "Does any one have my boots?" I look at the three guys. Mike tosses me my boots. "Thanks." I slip them on and lace them halfway up and tie them loosely. For some reason my raggedy old combat boots are my favorite and most comfortable pair of shoes. I wear them all the time even though I have plenty of other shoes.
    "Pellervo, do you have any equipment that you work with that you want?" Rory asks as he glances in the rearview mirror.
    "I only use an analog, nothing really special." I answer.
    "Okay, so I won't have to drive to pick equipment up. Ace."
    I look out the window to see where we are going. Slowly the amount of buildings become less and less until eventually it just becomes field. Where are we going? This is the middle of nowhere. Does Rory live all he way out here? He would live on a farm if he lives out here. He definitely doesn't seem like a farmer.
    It looks less and less populated the more we drive. Eventually there is just trees and a few houses every couple of miles. Rory must be all alone living out here so far from the town. And it sounds like he just lives with his dad, and that his dad isn't exactly happy with the choices Rory is making, even though they aren't bad.
    "Welcome to the shittiest house you will ever see." Rory pulls into the driveway of a little old house that is falling apart. It looks like it has been abandoned for years, but somehow Rory lives here. "I'm not exactly wealthy." Rory chuckles uncomfortably. "We will be practicing in the barn though, so you won't have to see the mess inside the house."
    "Barn?" I ask.
    "On this side." Mike points out his window. I look at it at the big barn and realize that behind the house is a huge farm with cows.
    "You do live one a farm! But you don't look like a farmer..." I reach over the seat and tug at Rory's shirt. "You look more like a dirty bum in your ragged old flannel, ripped up jeans, and tattooed arms."
    "So what?" Rory pushes me away. "Prat."
    We run out of the van and towards the barn, tripping each other to try to be the first one to the doors. I'm ahead of all of them until Mike runs up behind me and pushes me aside. As I fall I try to grab anything to stop myself. I think I grabbed the end of his t-shirt, but I guess I didn't, because I end up on the ground.
    "My pants!" Mike yanks the fabric that I grabbed away. "You fell and pulled my pants down!"
    "Oopsies." I sit up.
    "Lucky for me I have a blanket!" Mike grins and waves his blanket around.
    "Jesus, FAB, you always have that bleedin' thing with you." Rory laughs and pushes Mike.
    "It keeps me warm! You know I get really cold." Mike glares at him.
    "I get cold too, but I don't complain and run around with a blanket." Jett rolls his eyes. "You are such a baby because you are younger than me."
    "I am younger by fifteen minutes!" Mike glares at Jett. "Don't act like you are so much older!"
    "Both of you shut up, f**k. This is the same argument I hear every day." Rory unlocks the doors and pushes them open.
    The inside is dimly lit from the small slivers of sunlight that slips through the cracks in the roof. The entire place is full of instruments and electronics though. There is recording equipment all over; it looks like a full recording studio. The amps are expensive, the drum set looks extremely nice too, multiple basses and guitars sit in stands along the walls, and an analog sits to the side.
    I walk around and look at everything. It is all so nice. I expected these guys to be nothing more than a garage band, but they obviously want to be, or are, more than that. No one that is just making music for fun has a set-up like this.
    "This is where we record and practice." Rory explains. "I have spent most of my money on putting this together and I plan on it going to good use."
    "Like what?" I ask.
    "I want to start helping other unsigned and starting off bands get their music out there by recording in here. I have a few acts that are interested but I haven't gotten everything together." Rory walks past the instruments and to a small old mixing board. "I just need a better board. My current one is s**t and will never be able to do anything good. My mics are great, top of the line, but that's about all that's good."
    "I have a huge board, I got it a year or two ago if you want it." I say as I check out the board.
    "How much do you want for it?"
    "No monetary value, because it sounds like you don't have it, but I don't want to sing for you so if I don't have to you can have it."
    "No deal. I guess I will make do with my current board." Rory shrugs. Now figure out what you want to sing so we can see if you are good."
    "Ugh. If you pay me 200 for the board you can have it and I will only sing if you pay me 25 dollars." I glare at him with my arms crossed.
    He takes out his wallet and sorts through his cash. "Here is twenty five." He hands it too me. "And you will get the two hundred next week when I get paid."
    "Runkkari, I hate you." I take the money from him and stuff it into my pocket. "When do I have to sing?"
    "Right now." Rory pushes me into a chair and grabs an acoustic that was a few feet away. "Tell me a song and if I know it, you will sing it."
    "Uhm..." I look around nervously. "Do you know Wires?"
    "The Skylit Drive song? Yeah." Rory plucks a few strings and I bite my lip. "Are you ready?"
    I nod and try to remember the lyrics. I listened to the song yesterday, I should remember it. Then i realize that my lips are moving, and sound is coming out. My heart races, I'm so nervous. Is my voice cracking? Are the notes off? I'm an awful singer. It's probably all horrible. I could never sing as well as Aiti. She was a beautiful singer.
    I stop singing and pull my legs up to my chest. "I never have to sing again now. Yay!" I hide my face in my knees.
    "No, you are going to sing a lot." Rory sets the guitar down. "You have a weird voice for a girl. All the girls that tried out sang in these awful high pitched fake voices, but you sing low, almost as low as a man's voice."
    "Awesome, I sing like a man." I mumble to my legs.
    "That is awesome! Your voice is definitely what this band needed! I will pay you another twenty five if you sing during practice." Rory takes his wallet out.
    "No, you don't need to pay me, but if you ask me to sing for anything other than practices in this barn I am going to need money." I stand up and walk over to the analog and check it out.
    "Do we have a singer?" Jett asks as he plucks the strings of his Ibanez bass.
    "Yes, but you have to pay her money every time we need her to sing with us." Rory laughs. "She wants twenty five per gig."
    "She's like a prostitute, but she sings!" Mike looks at me with wonder.
    "I am not a prostitute!" I shout at him. "Vittupaa!" I flip him off.
    "YOU ARE THE BAND PROSTITUTE D****T!" Mike screams at me and gets in my face.
    I shove him back. "Oh, I'm a w***e?" I shove him again. "Huh? You gonna say anything b***h?" I start laughing as I shove Mike again.
    "Fight! Fight! Fight!" Jett chants and cheers us on.
    "Oiy! Twatwaffles, break it up!" Rory walks between Mike and me. "We need to practice because I want to start getting gigs."
    "And you will pay me for each and every God damn time you make me sing!" I flick the back of his neck.
    "I know. But you need to get me that mixing board." Rory glares at me. "I know people that will make sure I get that board."
    "Who, Mike and Jett? They definitely scare me!" I stick my tongue out at him.
    "Just shut up and sing." Rory rolls his eyes.
    "I can't do both, dumb a*s."
    "Whatever!" He throws a drumstick at me and sits behind the set. I laugh and press down a few keys on the synth. Mike, Jett, and Rory start playing and I just listen. As they play I think about what I could do with the synth to add to it.