Dear Mother

My mom is my inspiration for many reasons, so yeah.

Mother, sometimes you aggravate me, sometimes you make me happy, a lot of times we don't speak to each other, and it breaks my heart. But to make up for it we will have long conversations about things that mean nothing to most other people.
No matter what you do, you make me who I am. You are the reason that I am so determined to become somebody. If it wasn't for you, I don't know where I would be.
But there are the times that I can't stand you. I hate to admit it, I really do, but sometimes the things you do make me want to scream. Every time you tell me that you don't want to be around me and you don't know who I am anymore, it kills me inside. I try to hide it by shouting back words of hate, but when I leave the room I cry for hours.
I just wish that we could sit and spend time together without it ending in a fight. Where did the moments go that made me want to hurry home from school to talk to you? I used to love coming home to sit and do absolutely nothing, as long as I could have my mom there. Now I try to find excuses to delay going home. I joined art club, that occupies two days out of my week. I will often stop by to talk to the band teacher about pointless percussion things. I used to even lie and say I was studying at a friends.
Everything you say to me makes me want to become a successful person. When you cut me down, it makes me want to prove you wrong. When you praise me, I want to live up to your expectations. It's a weird thing, but as long as it helps me succeed it's good, right?
Sometimes I write because we fight. The stories take me to a life I wish I could live. They pull me by the hand into cities I used to live and cities I have visited. I spend time with friends I wish existed and people that make me feel wanted.
If it wasn't for our fights, I wouldn't need to escape to a fictional world. So I thank you for that. And if you read my stories, that would make me want to write too. No body actually reads a word I write, so maybe if you at least pretended to like it I would feel a little better about it.
Please just understand me for once. That's all I want. I'm not a bad person, I don't think. So why do you doubt everything I say? Expect every word to be a lie? Think I will run off and get into trouble? I'm not like that. I'm afraid of getting into trouble. I don't like the thought of the teacher calling you and telling you that I've messed up. I'm afraid of disappointing you. I've only skipped one class in my entire life, and that was band a few days ago because it was a ensemble practice day. So please, stop thinking I'm a bad person.
Please, just understand that I love you and it hurts me every time I make you cry