After the funeral

The tear stains are temporary,
a passing dampness on plain paper,
not yet inscribed with condolence;
and my conservatory, ordinarily filled
with sunshine and birdsong,
is dull and eerily silent.

I ought to write something really,
even triteness is better than nothing,
but words are hard to find,
as the turbulence of tombstones,
haphazard in their scattering,
looms large in my mind.

Time passes, and hesitantly,
as if culled from a long held dream,
words appear. They are faint outlines,
amorphous, unable to form into coherence,
but among the shapes I see indelible outlines
of my mourning; stains that will endure.

I remember us then, at eighteen,
picture postcards of confusion;
Freshers, embarking on a journey,
quaffers of ale, sowers of wild oats,  
our preference for quiet moments
with Coleridge hid behind student bravado.

Soon though, as is the way, those halcyon
days passed and like fledgling sparrows
we took flight, leaving behind the
rags and wisps of our known world;
our friendship sworn, implicit in its birth,
a solace now this time of need has come.


And now, as the hour sets,
the shapes finally make sense
and I hear your voice call sweetly out,
telling me time still blows about.
That breath though it so briefly stays
makes merry in so many ways,
and life, though seeming frail as air
is all around and everywhere;
that in each and every blessed year
the miracles of spring appear;
and you a precious bud will e'er remain
for I shall always know your name.

For my friend Carol who I met at Uni and stayed firm friends with over the years. Sadly, after a brave and prolonged fight, she succumbed to cancer just three short weeks ago.

Reviews

[Ken Simm.]

This is extraordinary. Sad, of course but also quite beautiful as both a tribute and a remarkable piece of poetry.

[Robert Trakofler]

you paint your friendship so vividly in this and a rare one it was:) I like that you acknowledge how she lives on in you for that is the stuff of poetry dear Beccy! beautiful expression in this one

[Casey Truax]

There is a wonderful elegance to your writing, no matter the subject. In this one it really felt like the sun coming out of the clouds towards the end.

[emmajoy]

I understand how that feels, but - can't really t know how you feel. Crying over your beautiful words. They are more than a tribute.. they shine with love, dear Beccy. True friendship ticks on and on, learning how time should be spent..

' I remember us then, at eighteen, - picture postcards of confusion; - Freshers, embarking on a journey, - quaffers of ale, sowers of wild oats, - our preference for quiet moments - with Coleridge hid behind student bravado. '

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

What a heartfelt poem. Very powerful write.

[Chris Shaw]

Well worth a second read Beccy. The loss of your friend Carol touched me deeply. Such a moving tribute and a heartfelt loss for you. Take care while you grieve.

Chris

[Paul Bell]

You just don't think of friends dying, you start out on this journey of youth which seems to go on forever before life takes hold. Carol seemed like a fantastic friend who no doubt you had some great nights with.
Strange how cancer is still the big killer in Britain, too many lost to it.

[Suzanne Sonderleigh]

My heart hurts as I read your poem. It perfectly encapsulates those feelings we have when our friends and family die and we are left to carry on without their physical presence. Your words show life is deep but fleeting…whispers in minutes. I would like to save your poem if you don’t mind. I lost my 16 year old daughter almost ten years ago and I feel I exist in two worlds. One foot stands in the land of the living and one foot dwells with the dead. Thank you for sharing your feelings.

[barleygirl]

One of the most beautiful poems I've ever read about grieving death. Your writing is so full, like it's swollen & throbbing from all that you're feeling & trying to put down in words. You do a great job putting it down even tho you express difficulty, as in V2 (a favorite!) Also V4 (LOVE!) -- such poignant memories gracefully expressed. This is truly a celebration more than a hurting (((HUGS)))

[Eilis]

This felt like the journey through those early days of trying to come to terms with losing someone dear. All the different movements of the mind and heart. You have so many lovely memories to hold on to. Growing into womanhood together and remaining friends through the years. What a gift it is to have a friend to grow with. Your final stanza is a beautiful acceptance. Understanding that it is us, the ones still here, that must learn to live while the ones who are gone have found peace. We really know so little, but the truth of love is something pure to hold on to. Your poem does feel like that purity to me. So sorry for your loss, Beccy.