The city

Threads of blue showing through,

a little green, some flowers too,

that vie with people, mostly grey,

shuffling all the live long day;

trapped in this dull and drab machine 

with precious little time to dream;

A small eternity contained

where none dare break the binding chain.

Yet though the city may not know

the jackdaw from the clever crow,

or how from field to crowded shelf

the country brings its untold wealth; 

there is a magic to be found 

on every corner, all around;

Where fortune's fate is bought and sold

and all the streets are paved with gold.

Reviews

[Frank]

L1 is three feet

L4 suggest: 'who shuffle through and find their way' - or something like it, keeps the iambic and conforms to 4 feet plus rhyme

Its very good, you show the discipline and order in the modern society and then explain that although they are in a way trapped never the less they enjoy the comforts of a city, not knowing much of the wider world that bring sin the wealth.

Very nice read

[ANTO]

I love the idea of nature - leading the way - seeing her own colours makes people break out the bright colours that they put away in Autumn Winter and the double colour therapy really puts a 'Spring' (sorry) in their step. I wonder is it reciprocal ? Do natures wonders then respond to humans 'new dawn' attitude. Arent plants supposed to be able to pick up on energies?
Great comparison - of city and country folk - same people seeing same level of delight in different things. Class, Beccy.

[Terpsichore]

It does seem like that sometimes, head down, nothing but grey, work,work, work. But then the day ends, the evening descends and suddenly there is this wonderful transformation as the city comes truly alive. I'm a city girl, you're a country girl and we can both see the magic.

Beautiful writing as ever. T

[Jamestown]

Fabulous piece again, I always enjoy reading your work, thanks for sharing and b-blessed.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i like the use of color in this...and admit there are perks with cities...but i had enough years living in NYC..and now am quite comfortable with the colors outside of those gold paved streets.

such a nice flow to this...really rolls off the tongue.

jacob

[Steph]

This poem flows really well, making it super easy to read. I really like the whole theme of this piece and how you conveyed it. I can see you enjoy writing poetry, you have such a wonderful collection and I would love to read more!

[W.k.kortas]

Frank's points are good one, as are yours in response as well. Taking the macro-overview, the flow is indeed very smooth and, as you note, the piece is easy on the eye and tongue. It's a lovely piece of work.

[Beccy]

Thank you Frank. Feet and my words do not always coincide; and I sometime deliberately vary so the poem does not become metrically dull.

Structure over content/substance has never been my raison d'etre, I just enjoy writing poetry that flows easy on the eye and tongue.

Beccy.