Commuting

Mostly, it was men in dark business suits

reading the Times just for show.

So she read Fifty Shades of Grey,
legs crossed, skirt slightly hitched,
amused by the flicker-frame of
clandestine appraisal,

the subliminal invitations.

Occasionally, a fellow traveller would

offer a hesitant smile, to which her 

response would be a slower turning 

of the page, a shift in position from 

temptress to ingenue, though her 

choice of reading material might 

have rather given the game away.

But in truth, it was only a way

to pass the fifty or so minutes

from station to station;

the measured pace of exit stage left, 

book tucked safely away so as 

not to distract from purposeful 

endeavour; a game she was 

temporarily playing but which 

she had no particular desire 

to pursue ad infinitum.

Reviews

[Eilis]

This is interesting in light of the Me Too movement. Just thinking about the ways some women exert a kind of power, but ultimately don't wish to see anything come of it. It's a light-hearted poem, but, in my mind, there are some darker undertones because the story could be turned on its head if one of those onlookers decided he ought to have what was on offer.

Not to be the bee in the bonnet, but I couldn't help to see it in that light. I think it can be hard for some men to interpret women's cues and hard for some others to stop themselves from pursuing something they have no business pursuing.

The scene you have painted is excellent because you've created a real character here, and you've also created a bit of ambiguity in terms of what you want your reader to think of her. Is she cute and mischievous (harmless) or is there something a bit troubling about the game. It can be read either way in my opinion. Excellent work, Beccy.

[Beccy]

Both sides play the game; have done since time immemorial. She is of course both harmless and troubling, though mostly harmless in her mind. But we all know that often there is a thin line between a glance across a crowded room and the taking of what is perceived to be on offer.

Thank you for reading; 'tis much appreciated.

Beccy.

[R J Askew]

Great stuff. This is how it is. I used to do a lot of writing on the 11:03 St Albans to St Pancras. I did the office rota so never put myself on early shifts. I like the way you observe yourself playing your own little travel game, with great dexterity. I like the third verse best. Can see the whole thing. So much better to watch little word dramas than youtube bubble gum. Far more art involved.

[Patrick]

Tres bien...whatever that means. Can't stand that fifty shades of crap and glad you managed to weave it's pointless existence into this witty piece. I shall read on...

[Pete Langley]

Mischeiveously well observed.....and even better written, Becky. Having read a few of yours now, I have to admit to becoming a fan. Your writing is natural and intuitive and draws me in. I hope you`re trying to get printed....you deserve to be. P.

[h d e rushin]

wonderfully written beccy.

[The Twin Arenas]

ha. I love people who read like this. maybe I hate 'em, too. aware of their covers. this is nice. good job.

really well written. I just woke up. this isn't a good review. I liked it.

[Woody]

lovely story about such a mundane thing as commuting. love the descriptions and the little details.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

to fit in but stand out at the same time....

a diversion from business as usual.

nicely done...you create a perfect scene...the bit of teasing...as she pretends to read also...complying with the commute.

[Sheila Kline]

Ah yes, a delightful way to pass the time and repetition of the daily commute! I like your twist in her choice of reading and how it "might have been"!

[Matching Socks]

Lol! Excellent my friend.
I have a 70 minute commute and well...
I need to entertain myself sometimes.

[Christine]

Lovely game to play, you have made a whole story of a commute, where nothing and everything is happening.