Commuting

Mostly, it was men in dark business suits

reading the Times just for show.

So she read Fifty Shades of Grey,
legs crossed, skirt slightly hitched,
amused by the flicker-frame of
clandestine appraisal,

the subliminal invitations.

Occasionally, a fellow traveller would

offer a hesitant smile, to which her 

response would be a slower turning 

of the page, a shift in position from 

temptress to ingenue, though her 

choice of reading material might 

have rather given the game away.

But in truth, it was only a way

to pass the fifty or so minutes

from station to station;

the measured pace of exit stage left, 

book tucked safely away so as 

not to distract from purposeful 

endeavour; a game she was 

temporarily playing but which 

she had no particular desire 

to pursue ad infinitum.

Reviews

[Eilis]

This is interesting in light of the Me Too movement. Just thinking about the ways some women exert a kind of power, but ultimately don't wish to see anything come of it. It's a light-hearted poem, but, in my mind, there are some darker undertones because the story could be turned on its head if one of those onlookers decided he ought to have what was on offer.

Not to be the bee in the bonnet, but I couldn't help to see it in that light. I think it can be hard for some men to interpret women's cues and hard for some others to stop themselves from pursuing something they have no business pursuing.

The scene you have painted is excellent because you've created a real character here, and you've also created a bit of ambiguity in terms of what you want your reader to think of her. Is she cute and mischievous (harmless) or is there something a bit troubling about the game. It can be read either way in my opinion. Excellent work, Beccy.

[Beccy]

Both sides play the game; have done since time immemorial. She is of course both harmless and troubling, though mostly harmless in her mind. But we all know that often there is a thin line between a glance across a crowded room and the taking of what is perceived to be on offer.

Thank you for reading; 'tis much appreciated.

Beccy.

[Lorry]

I never did trust those Times readers, especially the ones without glasses, as I'd need binoculars to read its nano-print.
I like the females style in this one, knowing she would be judged anyway for having the afftront to be a woman in the first place, but choosing to read between the lines and knowing that men will come to the wrong conclusion anyway, and once again be farther from the truth and reality of ever knowing.
Ps... I may lose my man membership over this comment, but as Groucho said, i dont eant to be a member of any club that would have me as a member 😀

[Neville]

This is brilliant, I have closed my eyes several times already and the view gets better and better.. but then I love the sight of concrete cows on the way back to Norfamtun… How come I missed this cracker for such a long time eh' and how time flies doesn't it ….. Another perfectly presented and otherwise tastefully delivered bit o 21st century poetry ma'am :)

[Relic]

Yep, I've seen it many times. The lustful looking young woman being ogled by men and examined with darting stealth-like eyes. ha I try to avert my eyes but I must admit, it can be hard to pass up a glance or two.

Nice one, Beccy. :)))

[Beccy]

I can absolutely assure you that we mostly rather appreciate a glance or two. :))

[R.E. Ray]

Beccy, I've seen such women on the Metro trains in Washington, DC, and the men who stare at them and think they might get a role if the scenes are acted out. I've watched with amusement, like a social experiment on the rails. She's passing time, probably thinking about morning meetings, big deals, and coffee before the office. The men will think about her and that book all day, hoping they see her again on the ride home. A scene from a novel only a good poet could condense in a few well crafted lines.

[emmajoy]

' Occasionally, a fellow traveller would - offer a hesitant smile, to which her - response would be a slower turning - of the page, a shift in position from - temptress to ingenue .. '

You are such a great writer, Beccy.. you step from the serious or sad to the frivolous or naughty in a wink of that cheeky eye of yours. (Makes note to wear jeans and carry the Financial Times! Perhaps!)

Needed the smile, the giggle - as you know. So, thank you for sharing such a tongue in cheek but skillfully visual poem. Happy everything.

[Fran Marie]

I can see the scene
being displayed with
a subliminal message
of flirting..nice way to
briefly liven up tedious
commuting..

[lakinbob]

Wickedly good stuff. Bet those suits were hot under the collar by the time they disembarked. :)

[Isabel25]

Whoo...this is a good one..tempting just for the fun of it. This is a very interesting piece. Commuting sounds like such a boring task, but u make it sound like fun through this poem :)

[Michael G.]

Good easy flow and a fun read. You told your story well. Teasing without teasing at all. And with book in hand no one could ever accuse the character of doing such a thing. Well done!