First Capter

"No, I will be the pattern of all patience; I will say nothing." -William Shakespeare

It was late in the afternoon. The sun was shining on a few trees, which were standing on the boarder of the parking lot and made the shadow longer. The air was cool, but the last ray of the sun kept them from freezing. The sound of dry leaves rustle against each other filled the silence. In the wind was the smell of dust and cars.

“Is it time?” he asked while starring down at the parking lot.
“Not yet.”replied the other boy, who was standing behind him.
“Now?” The boy sighed annoyed.
“No.”
“What about-.” he began.
“Can you please shut your mouth?”
 “I get that you’re nervous, but we’ve done this a thousand times, nothing-.”
 “I am not nervous!” the boy hissed clenching his jaw. He started walking up and down on the top of the roof. His blond hair was gleaming in the light of the setting sun. His ice-green eyes restless while watching the sun lazily disappear.
“They said it had to be twilight-hour.” His left hand went through his hair with a quick movement.
“Hey, it’s going to work, okay?” the black haired boy said. “Otherwise they wouldn’t picked us for this, would they?” Without leaving his spot he squatted on the edge of the roof, then sat down. His knee was hurting again. He rubbed it, hoping the pain would go away. “Look, it’s not a big deal. It’s a job like any other.”
“How would you know? This is the first time since you got out of the hospital.” the blond haired boy said, regretting immediately the words after saying them. “I mean-you know-” “Yeah, I know. You don’t have to remind me of it.” the dark haired said in a low voice. “Does that help?” the other one asked, pointing at his hand, still trying to massage away the pain.
Without looking at him he said,” Sometimes.”
 “I am sorry about what happened.”
The dark haired boy was now turning to him, surprised. “It’s not like it was your fault.” He tilted his head to side, his eyes grey and confused.
The other boy swallowed and looked to the ground. “I don’t know anything else to say.” “Hey, I’ll be fit in no time!” he laughed, brushing a dark string out of his eye. “You’ll see!” His gaze was focus on the parking lot again.
“Is it time?”
 The other boy just rolled his eyes with a slight annoyance. “Dude, no! I will tell you when it’s time.” They stayed in silence for a while, each in their own thoughts.
“You know, one time-”
 “I will strangle you, I swear-”
“Oh come on, I just wanted to tell you something funny.” murmured the dark haired boy. “But if you don’t want to hear it, I just-”
“Joshua-”
“No, no. It’s fine. I just keep living with this constant desire to tell you this one funny story, repressing this urge in the depths-”
 “It’s time.”
 “-of my weak and tortured soul- wait, what?”
“Come.” The blond boy took a few steps back and ran towards the edge of the roof tops and jumped.
 “Joel, wait! Oh wow-”Joshua was standing and turned now to see the sun set. “So pretty!” Then he lets himself fall from the roof. 

Author's Note

Hit me with the truth, what do you think of this?

Reviews

[Jeaunice Burnette]

I liked the suspense you leave the reader with at the end of the chapter. It makes me eager to find out what will happen next. Try describing the boys besides just their hair and eye color. How old do they appear? Is one fat or skinny? Just a little bit more description would help, even with the setting. I got the sense that they were on the roof, with trees below. Still what else is going on in their surroundings? I find it an interesting story. Keep working hard on it. Your doing good.

[Becca 001]

Thank you so much! That really helped!!

[Jerome Malenfant]

In the second sentence, "The sun was shining down" implies it's around noon, with the sun up high. Do you mean "The sun was going down"?

"The warmth of the sun shine kept them from freezing"; but there's not much warmth from the sun in the late afternoon, so this sounds odd.

Dry leaves don't "grind" against each other, they rustle.

So these two guys are standing on this roof and their "job" is to jump off at a particular time? Repeatedly? Sounds a bit odd to me, but I suppose that will be explained in Chapter 2.

[Becca 001]

Thank you for pointing that out!
First, i wanted it to sound like the sun was shining down on the people on the roof, i thought, because the roof is so high, the sun could shine on them, but if I think about it, it doesn't sound right to me either..

Sorry, if that's confusing, where I live it's just getting cold after the sun goes down. And since the sun was shining on them..

Yeah, that sentence with the leaves didn't sound good to me either, but someone told me to write like that. So, thank you!

I am aware that the beginning of this story is a little bit out of the blue, but i think it will makes sense after a while. And it wasn't suppose to sound like they jumped from the roof every day on the same time :) this was more like a one time thing, at the end, the time won't even matter anymore.

So, thank you again for your review, I really appreciate it!

[Jerome Malenfant]

Ok. I thought, because there were references to one of them hurting and just getting out of the hospital, that they had done this before (and got hurt).

Also, do you mean "First Chapter" for the title?

[Becca 001]

Yes, i am very creative..
Also, I have to see, what actually hurt him, so you do know as much as I do :)
Maybe I'll change it later (the chapter name), when I figured out where the story is going. I wrote this chapter out of boredom in a parking lot and now thought, why not create a whole story with this? And here I am..