Children, raised by war, taken by war

 

Dazzling
is the sound of tears
falling to the bottom of a copper jug


Dazzling
are the crimson scars
staining rosy cheeks with blood


Dazzling
are children's memories
shaken by war's heavy breeze


Falling
out of their youthful minds
forgotten like old autumn's leaves


Denial
is a soothing lie
followed by the painful grief


Knowing
that a little soul has died
and yet the universe is still at ease
yet our universe is still going with ease

Author's Note

i have exams, sorry i'm lazy with reading, and i had a bit of a writer's block so if i read your works gus i'd have been affected and impulsively would have written something similar to your ideas, to me it'd feel like steeling, but then some children died.
so this is dedicated to all of the children who are affected with wars all over the world.
Sal.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

Please don't worry about returning the favor, as far as reading other writers on this website. What you contribute here in writing is a gift & there's nothing you need to do more than that. Your truth is so educational for the rest of us, we are the ones wishing we could do more. This poem is so amazing becuz it presents a point of view that most people never know or need to ponder. We've been seeing many bad pictures of dying Syrian children lately, so your words fill out the understanding behind the pictures. I've never felt so worthless in my life as I do now, with the world being in such a mess, but with Syria experiencing the worst of the worst. I'm very sorry for the way things are going there. Your situation helps me deal with my own bad life situation & I apologize for this selfish point of view (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Salar Majak]

Thank you, it's not selfish! everybody has their own struggles, and just because some are harder it doesn't mean that the others' are any less important. Please don't feel worthless! Thank you for caring! that is very important
i hope you have a wonderful day!

[barleygirl]

I've been thinking about you becuz we are getting ready to bomb Syria right now. I hate the way several bully countries are all using your country as a place to fight it out! I hope you stay safe (((HUGS)))

[Coyote Poetry]

Would be hard to be raised in war. Know only war and no safe place to live and grow. There are many places where children can't be children. Your poem told a sad tale of many. Live and died in the surrounding of war. Never knowing peace and a safe place to rest. It is sad. Thank you for the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Salar Majak]

thanks a lot Coyote, i think you are right about war, but hey, one day it'll end :)

[Coyote Poetry]

I pray for no more war. War and hate, men greatest sin. You are welcome.

[The Lone Wolf Prose]

This has got to be my favorite write of yours to date. I actually love the word choice of "dazzling" as it is truly a wonderment and astounding the horrors of war...the connotation of the word used in ironically darker light...

Suggestion: I noticed the rhyme pattern and perhaps in that second stanza use another word for the first line instead of blood again so that there is the same contrast

For example:
Dazzling
is the crimson (drip/bleed/brand/scar

[The Lone Wolf Prose]

I don't know why WC keeps cutting off the rest of my review but I was just trying to say use whatever word that would fit there
Also that my favorite lines would have to be the last two stanzas of the poem. Very striking and chilling. The cyclical nature of it just giving a very haunting feel like its never ending.
Indeed my favorite write thus far. Loving the progress and can't wait to see more!

Sincerely
LW

[Salar Majak]

thanks a lot, i have to agree with you, my favorite stanzas are the last two too, and i was trying to make some irony with ''dazzling''
hmm i like ''scar'' instead of blood, i'll think about it
i'm really glad you like this :)

[Craig2591]

Personally, I kind of like the unexpected use of the word 'dazzling' here.

War is bad enough on adults, children should never have to experience it.

[Salar Majak]

hehe i'm glad you do
and i agree with you

[Baby Ricochet]

Beautiful and poignant write though "Dazzling" isn't the right word for the day to day grind of living in a war zone.

[Salar Majak]

hehe i guess you're right, thanks

[quinfinn]

Sal, i absolutely loved this write, it is both poignant and resonant, however , in my humble opinion...dazzling is the wrong word to use for the first three stanzas...rather words like deafening, damning, and daunting are much more fitting the horrors you describe in those verses....dazzling is equated with jewelry or bright lights or the sun.... excellent write though, my dear poet.

[Salar Majak]

thanks a lot Quinfinn, and yeah i think that dazzling isn't the right word here too but then again, when you think about everything in this poem it must be dazzling to the ones who are creatinf such wars, i kind of made this poem go to ways around, does that makes sense?

[quinfinn]

makes perfect sense, and we all have our own ideas....i saw where another writer loves your use of the word, so, it means what it is to each. well done....

[Salar Majak]

:) thanks Quin, you are very supportive

[quinfinn]

always...count on it

[Salar Majak]

:)

[Melon Race]

I have to say, I really liked that dazzling was in the first stanzas as well. I read it as a huge portion of sarcasm, dedicated to the aristocrats of the world who often benefit from the pain of others, especially because the word "dazzling" is so posh.

[Salar Majak]

exactly!!!! absolutely as you portray it!
thank you :)