Drowning (senryu)

Gasping for air
fearing it might disappear
i sink beneath

water filled lungs
going down all the way
no bottom reached

for eternity, gone
forgotten by loved ones
i linger here

Gasping for air
nothing's left but pain
drowning in grief

i sink beneath
soul stuck in the middle
i sink beneath

Author's Note

believe it or not, this was fun to write XD
i really did feel the water in my mouth while writing this XD
not doimg anything stupid though

Reviews

[Nick.B]

Flows nice, and has a clear and rough message to it, great job

[Salar Majak]

Thanks :)

[Zahra]

for eternity, gone forgotten by loved ones i linger here Gasping for air nothing's left but pain drowning in grief

Wow this is really good. Enjoyed reading it. Cleverly done. :)

[Salar Majak]

thanks!

[Balkaran Sidhu]

beautiful

[de_maruf]

nice rhythm

[Salar Majak]

thank you

[Inda]

Sink beneath; beneath whom or what? These are the question that come to mind, great job here Aurora!

[Salar Majak]

thank you, and i'll leave it to the reader to decide

[emmajoy]

Your writing varies theme to theme, goes from wonderful to fantastic because you live in your words, that's special. These words are powerful yet strangely mesmerising.. not a happy chain of thought but very well depicted.

[Salar Majak]

XD thank you

[Zoya Sahai]

It's a very interesting theme and you've done it really well!! You've created a very good image with your words. Well done!!

[Salar Majak]

thank you!

[Baby Ricochet]

Heavy. Great write

[Salar Majak]

thank you!

[Pragya Saxena]

aesthetic ...!

[Salar Majak]

thanks!