my first Senryu

blood spills silently
crimson roses neatly lain
a shot in his head

Author's Note

*covers eyes* is it too bad XD

Reviews

[Patrick Henry]

The comment below... lol Haiku doesn't "deal" with nature. It writes our bond to what are relationships are IN nature, how it responds to itself, and how nature responds to US. So is the "nature" of life and death. Don't need a Haiku to write the rules on form when about 60%+ on this very site don't even follow the traditional form of 5-7-5, anyway. ; ) This is a beautiful "Haikuuuu". lol In some of your older poems, I get to see more of a "character build" within the theme and mood of your pieces. I felt like you were searching for words that are still present in your mind. The first line, I see a more descriptive phrase to use than the word: silently. The 2nd line, if you were to twist the words to write itself in an almost cryptic way, your exit in the 3rd line would have more of that punch I see in some of your other poems. I never want to rewrite your poems because you're gorgeous.... Just an example:

blood spills silently
bloods spills in whispers

crimson roses neatly lain
rose of carmine kiss the earth

a shot in his head
his mind empties true


The words you chose for this poem are very blunt and leave room for awkward criticism, like the "Haiku" people. : ) This is no attempt to rewrite your poetry. I never give examples because every piece of your poetry is truly Loved and adored by me in the best of ways!!! My heart to yours, Aurora!!! AAFILY.... xoxoxo -Your Mark ...always

[Salar Majak]

thanks Mark!!!! soooo very much!
i adore the way you rewrote my poem! it feels much like what i wanted to say in the first place XD you read through me lol, but i'd be a thief if i rewrote it your way, because i'd be steeling your words, though i'm in love with them, i'd never want to steel them from someone so generous, i hope that the people who read this poem would read your comment to actually see through what this poem intended to say
thank you Mark!!! so very much!!!
always
xoxoxoxox-Aurora

[de_maruf]

Aspects of institutions

Although individual, formal organizations, commonly identified as "institutions," may be deliberately and intentionally created by people, the development and functioning of institutions in society in general may be regarded as an instance of emergence; that is, institutions arise, develop and function in a pattern of social self-organization, which goes beyond the conscious intentions of the individual humans involved.
As mechanisms of social interaction, institutions are manifest in both formal organizations, such as the U.S. Congress, or the Roman Catholic Church, and, also, in informal social order and organization, reflecting human psychology, culture, habits and customs, and encompassing subjective experience of meaningful enactments. Most important institutions, considered abstractly, have both objective and subjective aspects: examples include money and marriage. The institution of money encompasses many formal organizations, including banks and government treasury departments and stock exchanges, which may be termed, "institutions," as well as subjective experiences, which guide people in their pursuit of personal well-being. Powerful institutions are able to imbue a paper currency with certain value, and to induce millions into cooperative production and trade in pursuit of economic ends abstractly denominated in that currency's units.[citation needed] The subjective experience of money is so pervasive and persuasive that economists talk of the "money illusion" and try to disabuse their students of it, in preparation for learning economic analysis.[citation needed]

[Augustus]

This is a crimson rose of a senryu. :)
The second line nails it for me. And not just because blood and roses share the same color. People lay flowers on graves too. So it lends an air of finality to the Death described in the poem. Well done!

[Salar Majak]

thank you!, death is terminal isn't it?
thanks for reading

[Augustus]

It is indeed! You're welcome!

[emmajoy]

Not bad, not at all .. we're all in the Cafe to learn and learn and learn until we can't learn any more .. and that's never!

Maybe not a haiku but still has amazing power and cleverness

[Salar Majak]

XD
thanks soo much!!
you just brightened my day :) i'm really glad you enjoyed it!

[emmajoy]

:)

[InsanityWriter]

Really good! :D

[Salar Majak]

thanks!!

[Carolann Dowsett]

It's awesome and it's message is clear. You did a great job Sal.

[Salar Majak]

thank you!!!

[Corset]

oh my, it is a wonderful senryu, count count, clear meaning, it says murder, feme fatal or however one says it. Who doesn't love a woman who can kick but, well done!

[Salar Majak]

:D
thanks so much!!

[Nick.B]

It's not too bad, it's quite good indeed...great job

[Salar Majak]

thank you!

[AWickedMoon]

Great job. :)

[Salar Majak]

thanks!

[Frieda P]

Whoa, striking one, it gets you right where it hurts! Great first attempt, you nailed it.

[Salar Majak]

:D thanks a lot!!!!
you just made my day!!!

[Frieda P]

Woo, doing the happy dance! :-)

[Salar Majak]

XD me too!!