The One, NEO Pheonix

k, i wrote this because i was soo angry at what is happening in Syria, and i couldn't stop myself

last night, tired from the burdens of the day, i threw my self on the lap of my mother, my mothercountry , my Syria, and this is what she told me for a bed time story:

Stop, take alook around
tell me what you see
other than destruction everywhere
where ever i turn
where ever i go
where ever i leave

i slowly withdraw away
fearing that they will find me
i run with all my might
towards life
towards salvation
facing destiny
i run and run for miles
with a heavy heart
and troubled eyes with tears
but soon stop to realize
the loop i'm trapped inside
i start growing fears

they're coming for me!
from all directions
and i find myself
breaking into a hysterical laugh
they come closer, closer
one of them grabs my hand
i panic screaming in pain
i plead to be let go
but they're all insane

i'm thrown into a dungeon
dark,cold, and small
they put me on a death sentence call

i'm taken to this large stage
where a loop hangs and faithfully waits
it gives my neck scratching kisses
and i hear my brain shout: ''PLEASE!, ENOUGH"

a single sound of a falling chair
is heard through out the empty street
and all i had in me has left
but a ghost at the killing scene
a curse i cast on their troubled souls
they'll never come to rest
for the massacre they created
for the pain i had to endure

our suffering ended with our death
but their's will never end

a chill ran up my spine
as her words into my heart flowed
my SYRIA rise and shine,
let them know
thatthe pheonix always rises
and rebirthes
from the ashes.

Reviews

[Daniel Eckert]

The second to last block of line is amazing! Their are a few spelling errors but the one that really messed up the flow was in the third block the fifth line, "they come loser, closer" the rhythm in this line is great, correct me if I'm wrong, I believe you meant, "closer, closer" not, "loser, closer" right?

All in all a great piece thank you for sharing!

[Salar Majak]

thanks, and hehe yay i meant closer :P, thanks for reading

[dunnia]

wow this was beautiful

[quinfinn]

this is a superb write and i am not going to nit pick at spelling errors to defame this wonderful piece. kudos on a great write!

[KAOlmsted]

Poetry that evokes powerful emotion because it is written from experience is especially rewarding. As readers, we are left with a broader understanding of the writer's environment, the inspiration for the piece...this was clearly written with a hand that trembles in fear, and I felt it with every word. Thank you so much for sharing this with us.

-kimmer

[Salar Majak]

thank you i'm glad you like it

[DrD]

Now you've done it, Aurora! These final words give the ultimate definition and it inspires us to stand and shout for Syria and a future of peace and brotherhood. The world needs your words and I gladly receive them with enormous kudos to you!

[Salar Majak]

thank you so very much, i'm glad you like it

[Imagine Blade]

Just minor spelling errors.

This was great and I like how the flow of the poem keeps going and going.
The momentum it built up from start to end really was amazing.

But what particularly captured me was the 3rd block:

"they're coming for me!
from all directions
and i find myself
breaking into a hysterical laugh
they come closer, closer
one of them grabs my hand
i panic screaming in pain
i plead to be let go"

It was a fun and exciting part (for me maybe because I'm a bit of a Sadist. Hahaha) You can really picture out the scene and it went really well with the 1st person point of view.

This is a good read. Just tweak and fix a little. ^_^
Great job, poet.

[gombeggar]

for the pain i had to 'endure'

full of powerful emoting...well done

[WingsToFly]

Spelling error: line 3, distruction=destruction. line 6, everi leave=ever i leave.
The poem, it's beautiful, really touching and makes one feel the emotion and the scenario, the tragedy it describes. Well Done!

[Salar Majak]

thank you

[DrD]

A few spelling errors: destruction not distruction; destiny not destiney; troubled not trobled; neck not kneck and endure not endour. Okay, with that aside, you have addressed a social issue with good insights. I liked the structure of this work and its message. Nice job.

[Salar Majak]

thanks

[Sid]

Nice, emotional poem. You describe the turmoil very well and you bring the emotions associated with a meaningless war very well too...great write!!

[Salar Majak]

thanks:)