Love, Fights, and Baby

With Trent, I felt like a goddess, like I belonged.

Life felt good, for a few weeks anyway.

Sex happened all the time.

Trent made me feel important.

He supplied my addictions, my desires.

I supplied him with someone to love, 

Supplied a warm body to hold and a place to live.

He helped a lot after dad went to the big house.

But then things started to go wrong.

I was too high on my pills and weed.

Too drunk and too depressed.

He tried to help me,

But I lashed out.

I always found excuses to fight with him.

But that's what love is, right?

To fight, to care, to make love.

I started to cut, to let the pain subside.

Was doing every drug, drinking way too much.

I was getting out of control.

He couldn't bare to see me anymore.

He loved me but couldn't care for me.

I was too high to even care.

I told him to leave.

Screamed and pushed him away.

Then I found out I was pregnant.

Already a month along,

I couldn't bare kill an innocent baby.

So I turned myself in.

Was taken to rehab,

Tried to get unhooked from everything.

I needed this baby to remind me I can do better,

Be a better person, live a fulfilling life clean and sober.

This little person inside me was the best thing to happen,

Well beside Trent.

I want him back,

but will he forgive me?

Take me back, help take care of our child?

I don't deserve him, I don't deserve his gift.

Do I even have what it takes to care for this precious gift?

Who knows but I'll soon find out.