Thoughts Evaded

Depression kicks in.
Nothing even matters.
Mistakes will be made,
If my mouth doesn't stay shut.
I won't do anything.
I never have the courage.
But the moment a thought passes,
I think, why am I not with them?
I feel like I belong with my parents.
But maybe that's just the depression talking.
We all know I won't do anything.
So when depression kicks in,
My thoughts go straight to them,
And I can't do anything about it.
I know too many people love me.
But there are those few,
Who wouldn't give a s**t if I go.
Would it make them happy?
Happy to see me go?
Or would it be better if I stayed,
For the ones that need me,
The ones that love me?
Depression kicks in in an instant.
Only walking helps it escape.
But I'm so afraid to hurt myself,
Or the ones that mean the most.
I just need to push it to the side,
Yet one more time.
Depression hits,
And nothing matters.
Yet everything does at the same time.
So why do my thoughts evade me?
One more time,
Pushing the depression aside,
And pasting a smile on my face.
For just one more day,
I need to pretend everything is okay.