Chapter Two - "In Too Deep"

I can't lose the trace of those black, cold eyes. What do they mean...?

     Our group of friends wait for us outside our gate. David Cooke, the driver, is impatient during the mornings. He is the oldest of the bunch. He's seventeen and labeled as the punk of Oakland alongside my skater-boy of a brother. They're a reckless pair. Unlike Nathan, he's secretly one of the wisest people I've encountered. He's popular, rich, and has a bad-boy appearance. I wouldn't say David is more of a bumpy ride then Nathan, because my brother is a selfish narcissistic who wouldn't risk losing a finger over our mother per say. It's clear David shelters a sensitive side. His family issues push him in the shadows. He isn't interested in other people unless it's us, or his beloved baby sister, Vanessa. He'd shoot to the moon and back for her. He loathes his alcoholic mother who ignores her duties as a parent. David is too engaged in accompanying Vanessa to be a wild child on the weekends like Nathan, and my other best friend, Britney Valentine; who forever calls shotgun in his fancy car.

    Britney is a barbie-girl. She flaunts her flawless appearance, and draws boys in like a spell. She has deep pride in her luscious, blonde curls and her velvet, baby-doll lips. She's the tallest of us girls and the oldest. While being a genius in the beauty department, she doesn't have a-lot else functioning up there. She's three months younger then David. It's no surprise they've hooked up on multiple occasions; the perplexity is if David has any other spark of interest instead of her eye-bottling b***s that are constantly flopping out of her outfits. Little Brit-brat is flamboyant, and constantly requires peers eyes to function. She's bubbly, yet deadly if you flick a switch on her. She's one of my best friends, and although she's the polar opposite of me, I wouldn't change her for the world.

     Finally, there's Katie White. The silent one in the backseat who gazes out the window in utter silence, soaking in the trees and cloudy skies as her mind races with ideas. She's my ultimate best friend who understands who I am and why I am. She bottles up her problems to clear room for ours. She's the youngest and tiniest. She has a bubblegum, edgy impression to her; thin, bleached hair cascading down her shoulders with layered bangs sweeping across her forehead. She's precise with her dark liquid eye-make-up.

     She absolutely gorgeous.   

     I love her to death. There's no question about it.

     David's honking encourages us to enhance our movements.

     “Shut the hell up, dude!” Nathan yells back. He hops over our gate in a very swift matter instead of entering our pass-code. In fear of ripping my new jeans, I safely punch in the four digits to open the gap between me and my friends.

     David evidently doesn't approve. “C'mon, Willow!” David shouts out his window. He's pounding on his horn like a mad-man.

    And I thought I was having a crappy day!

   “Give me a damn second!” I throw back the same irrational attitude. I double check my messenger bag to be positive my homework, blinders, and journal are present.

     Everything is in check.

     “Jesus!” I overhear David moan out.

     “Willow!” Britney waves her hand out the passenger side. She snatches my gaze. “I don't blame you, I totally plan on stealing your outfit sometime!”

    Once I walk over, I exclaim to my hostile best friend, “Calm down, calm down! I'm here!”

     He strikes me a pissed off expression through Britney's lowered window, and smacks his hand on the edge of his steering wheel, to further prove his blood is boiling. Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

    “I'm not waiting for you next time! Don't be a p***y and jump the gate like your damn brother.”

    Not to tick him off any further, I dump myself in the back-seat with-out my shield.

     It isn't that big of a deal... 

    “For real, don't be a wimp.” Nathan is the 9-1-1 back-up to belittle me. Katie is placed in the middle of us in the backseat, She passes along a genuine half-smile to lighten up my tensed morning. “Don't listen to them, you look beautiful today!” her dolly voice forms a smile on my restless face.

    It's not a chore for her to hand out compliments like candy.

   “You too!” I gush over her flowery dress that would look horrendous on the wrong person. It's strapless, so in order to follow the dress-code, she's wearing a stylish jean jacket she burrowed from Britney's mansion of a closest.

    Britney is hast to hop aboard the girl train. "I totally second that!"

    Both Nathan and David groan in disapproval. They rather die in a car accident then listen to our morning gossip. Nothing bothers them more!

    We giggle as David zooms down the dirt road. Kate bumps up the radio and verbalizes. “Let's cheer up, everybody!” I can't explain why I love these people so dearly. They're apart of me. No matter how severely we pick at each-other, we'll always share an unbreakable bond.

    Some things are meant to be.

 

* * *

    Arriving at the scene, we cluster together as we stroll through the entrance of Oakland High. It's famous for being excessive and hoarding students who worry more about their date, rather then the crummy grade they're slapped with every other week. In the gigantic courtyard, we loiter by the pathetic excuse of a garden that's placed oddly near the cafeteria and the entrance where we're able to scan who enters the school. 

   The sun isn't shy to share its existence. Another day of a burning paradise in Florida. The humidity has me yanking my hair in a high-pony-tail to protect against the sweat. 

   Britney tosses me the thumbs up afterwords, approving of my hair-do. 

   We barely have thirty minutes to spare before we transform in-to prisoners and are locked away in our classrooms for the day. Katie and Nathaniel are a few feet away from us, and aren't embrassed to flirt in our line of sight. Gag. Katie has discovered a side to Nathan the rest of us believe is only a tall tale. She pleads he's the cutest guy who means no harm to the world and blah blah blah. They're best friends, that's the excuse my brother uses anytime people pressure him to date the sweetest flower in Oakland. It's clear she has undeniable feelings that yearn to be with him forever and ever.

    Can I call my brother a piece of s**t for the last time? He plays her heart like an instrument.

    David is off chatting up a storm with somebody on his cell-phone. He doesn't look pleased. Whoever is on the other-side of the call I imagine is the reason he's Mr. Grumpy pants. I am watching the birds in the distance, stressing about the test I failed to study for.

    I am so irresponsible! What if I fail? My mother will be so disappointed.

    Britney knocks me out of my thought by rattling my shoulder repeatedly like a  child.

   “What? What?!”

   “Look! It's Jakob Parker!” She directs me to his path. I am devoured by the hellish images of the nightmare. Jakob had placed a sliver handgun to his temple in this daunting tale. He peered at himself in the mirror with those possessed, sinister eyes. His finger rested on the trigger in board daylight; yet his room was drowning in darkness.

   I shook the video out of my head. Jakob is alive! He's strutting through the courtyard, alive, and brighter then ever. I'm able to write a novel about this peculiar guy. For instance, he's famous for appearing in my dreams. We haven't uttered many exchanges since elementary school yet he finds a way to reside in my sleep. We were inseparable once upon a time. Now-and-days it's stone cold between us like those charming times together were fictional.

   Long story short, his father was tragically killed in a fire in the forth grade. The days that followed, Jakob successfully kicked every living soul out of his life, including me; the girl who was basically his oxygen. Unlike my similar downfall, his father risked his life for a baby in an apartment complex that was tampered with. Apart of Jacob passed on with him. It shattered his mother's heart. They were basically zombie's after the unforgettable event

   He was Jakob's hero...I was once envious of their family and relationships. His mother and father were picture-perfect and they had invariant passion for their only child.

   I was punished with the harsh realism that nothing lasts forever.

   I'll continue to hold our past close to my heart, forgiving the traumatic end. I remember Jakob and I's favorite destination was the forest near his home. It was packed with lovely, freshly alive trees and leaves filling the peaceful environment. The calming breeze always found a way to follow us.

   We were role-players. He loved playing the role as the hero, who fought with courage for his kingdom while I played his queen.  We both had clever imaginations. It was to the point where his mother scolded him because he was way over his head at times. He claimed he could see another world in the stars; the starlight would flash various of colors in the middle of the cool night-sky. I swore I could spot the rainbow of colors too whenever I gazed up at the atmosphere. His mother would religiously shake her head at us while his dad continued to laugh, he was the one who encouraged  his son's hyper-active ways.

   Jakob was a wise kid, and I promise you, nothing fazed him. He once saved my life from drowning in his pond one afternoon. It's hammered in my memory and I could never live to repay him. I slipped in a watery puddle of mud while we were adventuring and I trembled in the dark waters with no control over my muscles. 

  He didn't panic, he hollered my name and dived in the gooey pond. 

   I was labeled as a talented swimmer. Usually I would have been able to fight against the liquid. I never experienced a near-death experience with drowning, nor had any issues with swimming for a long period of time and didn't have a history of cramping up. Strangely, It was as if a figure or a hostile animal was dragging me underneath. I was yelling for Jakob as bubbles expanded from my mouth. I felt the rough presence of a bony palm clutching tightly to my ankle. I was convinced it was an alligator. I was afraid to kick the creature off or fight against it, as it wasn't physically harming me yet. Fortunately, Jakob battled the unknown force clinging to me and yanked me to the top. I gasped for air, refreshing my body with the breaths it was aching for.

  “You're so silly.” He had said with a smile as we bobbed in the middle of the disturbing pond. His dimples were exposed, he had me blushing.

  I was too busy panting like a maniac to answer.

   “Did you see that creature pulling you to the depths?” He had asked. Light chuckles were escaping his soft lips. Even if it was a joke, why did he find humor in it?

   “Huh?” I thought he was playing a game.

   “Nothing. Forget it. We should dry off before I get grounded. Mom thinks the pond is gross and has tons of germs!”

   “Ew!”

    He snickered, “Apparently there's more then germs!” as he swam to the shore.

    Jakob grew up following his dad's exceptions. He's sixteen years old, tall, toned, and handsome. He's your ideal boyfriend. He's the guy you picture as you write in your journal about imaginary crushes. There's a thousand tales in his angelic eyes, and I swear they hypnotize my heart and soul. He's the only guy in this hell-hole who has this magical, unexplained effect on me. The littlest things have the butterflies releasing in my stomach.

   Today, it's his trimmed, black hair with the tips spiked up at the peak of his forehead. His preppy style does justice for his tight jaw that plays melodies for his breathless, narrow face.

    The list is endless.

    I think I'm sort of obsessive.

    “He's so damn cute!” Britney awes.

    He typically dresses in tight long-sleeve shirts or jackets, complimented by denim, slim jeans.  He's the star player on the soccer team, yet he's a boy with a few words. 

    Jakob dodges my gaze and enters a crowd of students. He's clinging to his sports bag with his free hand slipped in his front pocket, he appears determined about a certain situation.

   "Oh...yeah..." I mumble.

   "You like him, huh?!" She pokes. 

   "Huh? It that why you're pointing him out...?"

   "Uh-huh, sweetheart, I can hear your heart beating from here!"

My cheeks flame various shades of red. "Be quiet!" I hiss. "The last thing I'd want is Jakob overhearing this from rumors! -- Not that I like him anyway!"

She bounces up her eyebrows. She's skeptical. "Whatever helps you sleep at night, chicka."

I'm exhausted at this point. I excuse myself from the group,mentioning a paper I had to deliver to one on my teachers. It was a fib. I needed some time to reflect on Jakob...

   I hope he's okay...

Author's Note

tell me what you think. Too much detail? not good enough detail? Biggest flaw in writing : describing what people look like if you can't tell haha.

note: I love past tensed and I'm more vivid and creative that way. I'm giving present tense a shot. Towards the end of the story is the reason I picked this way. It's a challenge for me but I hope you can still enjoy.

Reviews

[Lavorther]

After i finished reading i scrolled back up and was shocked by how long this chapter was. I didn't even notice while reading. To clarify, that is a good thing ;)

I really like the story so far, and i will be reading the next chapters when they come out. It got a bit "girly" here and there, but although i am a guy, it didn't really bother me.

Like you said in the Author's Note, you are experimenting with the present tense. As far as i can tell you did great. It didn't feel awkward or anything (that can happen when you write something you are inexperienced in).

[hi]

ok not a flaw in describing what people look like,it is nice to give small hints of their
looks but mostly the reader needs to have imagination,so less is better i think,
i think this is a good story but could use a little work when it comes to the so many different
characters,i found it hard trying to keep up with all the characters,but that could just be me,
when will you have chapter 3 done

[MelissaAndres]

I think you are doing quite well. This is just my opinion but when describing each character you may try describing the clothing they are wearing. Sometimes that can kind of clinch their personality and make their persona a little more complete. Very good though. Nice job!

[dexterous sam]

emotions rugged at some place ..description is fabulous ...understanding is lucid ....love is continuously building since the inception of your story ...i didn't even feel how much i read or how big is this story ...i am just flowing in your narration ...this is the best part of it ....eagerly waiting for next chapter...:)))

[747]

I noticed you changed the spelling from Jakob to Jacob and back to Jakob. You may want to skim over that and make sure that you keep the same spelling for any one characters' name. And if you refer to one character by multiple names, you must explain to the reader why.

I am intrigued by your story line, and I am interested to see how it unfolds.

I would like it better though if you explained the hypersensitive/wiccan a little better. You get the picture of it in glimpses, but you don't supply a very sufficient background of it for your characters. Your readers are left only guessing, which in a way is good in that you keep them in suspense; but also bad in that they get frustrated if they are too far out of the know.

[Sebastian Falzarano]

Oh man, I was hoping to be the first! Oh well.
First - There is no such thing as too much detail. The problem is if you give too much detail where it isn't relavent. An example being if you describe a bannana as "John peeled back the lemon colored skin from the slender yellow fruit, which exposed the tasty cream colored edible part, his favorite part." That is too much detail because you can just say "John ate the bannana.". So don't worry about giving too much detail until after you finish.
Second - Now regarding the chapter: "They're apart of me" should be "They're a part of me". Notice the spacing. Apart would be if you are splitting something into multiple pieces. A part is if something belongs to something else. (Sorry, I get like that when it comes to grammar)
Third - "Katie and Nathaniel are feet from us,". I think I know where you are getting at with this, but the correct term would most likely be "Katie and Nathaniel are away from us/a few feet from us". I may be wrong, but double check with someone else anyway to be sure.
Fourth - "sore" should be "shore"
I actually like it. It was engaging (be sure to check for errors!) and something different from other novels about teens that I have read about.Let me take a shot at it: does the story have anything to do with what was in that pond?

[~ Kimberly ~]

Thank you so much for your feedback. I'll be sure to correct and recheck those errors. Sometimes I screw up with grammar with-out realizing, and it's funny because I always notice when it isn't mine. Lol. Yeah, your shot in the dark revolves some-what around the plot :) It's kinda finding out what/who that brings you to the key of the plot.

I'm glad you found it unique. Thanks for taking the time to read ^_^

[Sebastian Falzarano]

Your welcome. It was my pleasure. Did you read my poems yet?

[~ Kimberly ~]

Yeah I read more of your recent ones. I'll return the love and review the ones I really like once I log back on to my computer :)

[Sebastian Falzarano]

Thanks. Also, don't worry about the mistakes. People make them. It's natural.

[Gabby Niemi]

Hey, this is awesome! I really liked the first chapter too! You did a really good job of putting down the layers to build up the characters for future chapters. I like that through memories, and not through present interaction, that I can really get a sense of who the characters are. My only critique is that in a lot of places your sentences are really choppy. Now, I'm all for choppy in certain places, like when you are writing a really intense scene packed with tension, but in most places here it's not necessary. Overall, I really liked it!!

[~ Kimberly ~]

Thanks, Gabby! If it isn't an issue, could you give me a few so I have a clear idea? I'm trying to improve! I'm flattered you liked it. :)

[Sebastian Falzarano]

I'll let you know by tonight.