Questioning Existence

Thoughts.

Death: a state of eternal peace and slumber. An ending to a life, so precious that should never be taken for granted. They say these are the words of a damaged mind. But I ask, what is to be expected from a broken soul with an apocalyptic mind of her own self-destruction. In the palace of madness and sadness, living life on the edge - with no way to escape. I hold my life by thin strands, fearing for the moment that puts me over the edge of life and death, while some higher being from above watches my every move.  I could have died so many times, meeting with death and asphalt with metal crushing every bit of air from this hollow suit of bones and skin.

 

I have cursed the holy name for giving me any life at all. Worthless. A waste of air. A wave of sharp knives twisting in my already fragile heart that still continues with every wasted breath of today. People only listen to you when you're dead, as I pick at the ghostflowers of my soul. My only sanctuary. My only way for relief...in the silence yearning for the end.

 

 What use am I?  Keep moving.....Someone must see the potential in me or am I just going out of my mind... Overwhelmed by the insanity or am I too far broken to realize for what ever reason being I was placed on this Earth. I wonder, I question...waiting eternally for some reply. No response, just silence. There is no manual for how to live and the reason behind the living.  But I'm still searching....

Author's Note

Dealing with bouts of depression, I tend to get suicidal - in a certain sense. I've had many incidents that I could have met with death with some close-calls. I'm basically questioning God and my reason of existence. I'm also not very religious.

Reviews

[Valentine]

Whenever life knocks me to my knees..which it does for everyone...I find myself in the perfect position to pray...Believe me honey He listens..If I cxan be prayed for and cured of 10 years of seizures...He can and will help you if you ask Him..

[Y.F.]

I don't believe one should rely on his/her belief in god in times of depression - even the strongest believer could have doubts, which could be catastrophic in times of crisis. I'd much prefer and advise to believe in one's self.

You influence the world around you whether you like to or not - that is your purpose. Trying to understand what the universe has in store for you will give you nothing but pain. Just do your best to live your life as you find to be true and right for you - the rest is better found on the appropriate time

[lostboy]

acutally, there is a manual for how to live but like most instruction manuals it gets lost or made light of, its called the Bible. sometimes i wonder why im here ,and i can say for one thing , im here for the sun to shine on me and the rain to fall on me and to live and learn, thats not always easy but its always true. every person on this earth has a reason for being here..i havent figured mine out yet ..mabey i never will ,but im still here. why does a tree have just so many leaves out of the thousands , why not one more or one less,perhaps even each one of these have a reason if only to give shade to a criket that sings his song for me.

[Beaner166]

Dam. That's some deep s**t. Very emotional,intense as hell. A good write to say the least. I know how you feel. Every now and then the waves of emotions constantly attacking you can get to be to much. I'm not going to pretend I know what your going threw because every ones situation is different in their own way but I do have an idea so if you ever want to talk just message me. Anytime for anything. :)

[Enigma]

This is something I can relate to, almost completely, and so can many others, because the trail we follow during those tough times is more or less the same. We feel worthless, a complete waste of life. It like everything we are, say or do is without meaning, a arrow shot in the dark without any intention of hitting a target. Its simply hopeless, if u can say that.

But believe me, as long as you breathe, there will always be that ONE person, who will be happy to know that you are still there, battling out. I try to think like that. In my case, my significant other, my best friend who also happens to be my boyfriend, is that miracle cure for all those times when I'm lying on the bed crying my eyes out, feeling like a complete loser. I talk to him and slowly, get hold of myself.

Sorry to err, talk so much about my own personal self. But I thought I should write it down for you. :)

Be strong. You're way more worthy than you think you are. And you're a talented writer. :)

[These Haunted Hallways]

This is extremely brilliant, and to be quite frank, ya took these words right out of my mouth, as i can relate to this so much! I question my existence almost all of the time. Figuring out why i'm here, and why i was put on this Earth... I think i was put out here for some kind of show, wandering with my head cut off trying to find my way in this messed-up life so that somebody upstairs will get a kick out of my misfortunes, heh. But, wow, this was really excellent, tho. Very well done. *hugs* :)

M.

[Tom C]

Keeping in mind you are not the one that put you here so you do not know why you are here but you live to find out the answer to that mystery. Mine is the upper level of thought what all can I do while I am here to ejoy myself and look for that one aspect that says. "This is why I was born." Flying seems to bring me closest to that goal. Nothing like when those wheels leave the ground. Wow.
Your writing is very interesting. You mind is too.

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

A most intrikit look into the mind, favoured resilence to the weaker aspects of humaity, well penned.