I Died Today.

Read between the lines...

 

With a curtain of darkness 

Sweeping over me,

A beckoning call from Death

Calling my soul to thee.

 

Black roses surrounding

My lifeless remains.

Strawberry gashes,

Red rivers flow from my veins.

 

Love became suicide,

And my life became death.

Striking these wrists,

As I wait for my last breath.

 

In my remaining hours,

Remembering faded dreams.

Wondering why the world left me,

Making me fall apart at the seams.

 

I wrote my soul away,

Surviving in my own hell.

Nobody needed me so,

In the shadows I began to dwell.

 

Today I died,

From the insanity they gave.

As I wonder why,

I was nothing to save.

 

Reviews

[Y.F.]

In this one, however, there's no hope at all, there's mainly acceptance - acceptance of the end.
You took everything that's considered good about our lives and turned it around upon yourself, making it the enemy, the cause of all grief and pain.
That's a very creative concept in so many ways, and it took a lot of imagery and imagination to pull it off.
Nicely done.

[Michael X]

rayne, your passionate, delving, dark, concept is subtle, brilliantly depicted with riveting images,
consuming and very effective at drawing out certain haunting innocence, your opening stanza sent
chills down my spine, intense in that i could hardly envision such a catastrophe of life happening,
in such a way as to bleed for the cause, for the black rose omen, one can truly feel the quality
of clarity that the vision flows in its simplistic nature, written to its heightened effect, vivid,
well defined, impressive surrendering of creativeness, i believe you captured the depressional curse
in the moment of happening, the broken, slipping away aspect really plays on the readers emotions.

[Robert Luna]

Very vivid images this piece gives. I always love the way you write in such a way it paints a picture to a point it can be felt and the smells in the air seem real to me at that point in time. Feeling a bond with the words and story they tell.


Great Job!!!!!!

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This is beautiful!!! I love the meaning. I know that I can relate to what you wrote! I love the depth of your poetry. Very good!

[Jane Doe]

So tragically beautiful. I have felt like this many, many times and can so relate to this piece. It is wonderful!

[Nik Dendera]

Great piece, up there with your best!

Its so tragic, yet understandable to me. I've been there, in that dark place. A beautiful piece.

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I really liked this poem. And I'm not just saying this... I really mean it. I loved your figurative language... especially in the first line. "Red rivers flow from my veins", that was something I could see. I'm amazed at the way you rhymed the the poem. It really flowed well. The whole poem was very, very good. My advice... I can't think of much. Maybe try giving an explanation to all of this... maybe between the third and fourth paragraphs.