Midnight Rose

Trying to jump start my brain, wanted to be gothic like 'Midnight Serenade'

 

In her garden of roses,

‘Neath a pale full moon

Waiting for her lost love

Singing her sorrowful tune

 

Reminiscing of the days

Of romance and passion

Red wine kisses and sex séances

When brighter days were in fashion

 

Now she wanders in her garden

So elegant in her dark veil

Aching in her heavy heart

Leaving roses in her trail

 

She dreams the night away

Never leaving her roses behind

Asking the questions of life after death

Lingering within her mind

 

In the mist, she haunts

Darkness camouflages her clothes

Weeping for her long lost love,

The lonely midnight rose

Reviews

[Silent Kim aka mizmetap..]

In the mist, she haunts
Midnight camouflages her clothes
Weeping for her long lost love,
They call her the midnight rose I love the last line. I think the use of midnight may be repeative which might make you dislike the last line. So maybe instead of changing the last line change midnight in this line:

Midnight camouflages her clothes to darkness, or gloom or something in that nature .

Just my opion. The poem is excellent as all your work is, but we are our worse credics. You ask for suggestion so there you have it.

[JC Fox]

I loved the picture in this one as well!

[Robert Luna]

The veil of midnight shadows
lifted to revel a heart of sorrow
In the darkness a song heard
words of love lost and time passed

There in emptiness sat a woman in black
among her garden of thorns and memories
Abandoned hope and grief
a world she hold so dear

Rose petal trace her path
red shades of life
She search the night skies
for reminisce of her forgotten life

[Valentine]

I like it juist the way it is,,it doesnt sound gothic to me just a bit like the poets of old wrote,,They were the best remember..God bless..Valentine

[Y.F.]

I was just getting to read it when I got your request. :)
Very well thought of - a place which was once the source of her joy becomes her great agony, with the symbol of the place, the one rose, becoming her, which shows that the sorrow is really within her and she can't escape it.
I've always adored the line "She dreams the night away", so I was really happy to find it in this poem.
The imagery is great, and the flow is very nice.

There's one thing about the rhyming that bothers me - the first rhyme (moon-tune) is a bit of a sore, as 'tune' is usually pronounced with a "rolling syllable" (as if it was 'tion', with less emphasis on the 'i'), while 'moon' is a little flatter.
You could pronounce 'tune' flatly, but..........
Just something to think about (if you understood anything from my very lacking explanation :)).

Aside from that, this is really great.
I love it.

[Nicholas Hallows]

This is a great write! Brilliant gothic and passionate imagery.
Maybe something like 'Beneath the midnight roses' for the last line.
I like it how it is though.
The poem reminds me a bit of Rose of the Devil's Garden by Tiger Army.
Good work!
NH

[Phil Sanders]

This is just sooo beautiful .. wonderfully written ....

[Forest Green]

Excellent, darkly beautiful poem. Warmly exotic...I really enjoyed your poem.

Into my library it goes...;)

Thanks for your work.

Daniel

[Jane Doe]

Very eloquent and dark. I love this piece, you did a great job on it. I especially liked this:

'Now she wanders in her garden

So elegant in her veil

Aching in her heavy heart

Leaving roses in her trail'