The Man In The Bar

A collaboration with Yuval Freund - she's in black bold - I'm in red italic

 

As I sit and wonder

on the day that have passed,

I've notice some air

on one side of the glass.

 

Job has been hard

and the boss unforgiving.

I came here to forget

now I think about leaving.

 

My eyes drift aside,

suddenly - there she is.

Is that a serious look,

or is she trying to tease?

 

As I walk to her table

my hands start to sweat.

What should I say

to this girl I've just met?

 

I'm not that kind of man,

but before I could think

I found myself ordering

two of her drink.

 

As we started to talk

I felt a connection.

I hope that she too

shares my attraction.

 

Just a girl in a bar

Looking pretty and petite

Hating every man I've met

Everyone of them decides to cheat

 

I planned to drink

Til the night is through

Maybe it's the drinks talking

I feel like I'm falling for you

 

Cupid has shot me yet again

Succumbing to his arrow's poison

As I keep staring into those eyes

Almost numb without a reason

 

A guardian angel

Or the devil in disguise

Hopefully not another man

To push my heart's demise

 

After all it has been through

As I'm wishing upon a star

Maybe it's the drinks talking

Falling for the man in the bar

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

Yuval - black bold
Rayne - Red italic

Reviews

[Captain Blackheart (The..]

What a wonderful write, great flow. A brilliant collaberation!

[Carole]

The picture was perfect, and very innovative way to write this piece with his perspective on top and yours on bottom.

JUst one small typo....5th stanza....add an (s) to drink.

I'm not that kind of man,

but before I could think

I found myself ordering

two of her drink.

Very nicely done.....On the other side of the review... for whomever met the man in the bar, would definitely not be the place to meet someone to marry and even to trust that he will be better than the others... Drink, being one of his weaknesses, may pose a problem. My dad was an alcoholic, and having come from a long line of them, I have seen the sights in that arena and unfortunately, it holds no promise for anything secure or stable. Sorry to be a "mom" in this part of the review. Just giving my two cents for what it's worth...

[Baby Boy]

I like this one gurl! It made me smile! :) Great collaboration between the two of you and the picture fits perfect with the poem! Alot of people can relate to this one! LOL! Keep up the good work! One luv gurl!


-JC-

[yinseriv]

Two of the Vicious Circle writing of the dance we know so well. And you both wrote well about it. kudos to both. It was a good poem on it's own merit. The partnership might be something to play with at times when the topic merits this.

[Forest Green]

The midnight rendezvous; carelessly leading to where?

Good work. Both sides are expressed quite well.

Thanks for the send.

Forest

[Spoken]

Great job to both of you. I like how you split it half and half.. showing one point of view then the other. Awsome!

[JC Fox]

This was a great collaboration and I enjoyed the picture as well, good job!

[imnoromeo215]

very good work

[Siddartha Beth Pierce]

A great collaboration. A familar scene - I like how you showed both sides of the story - both perspectives. Thanks for sharing.
Light,
Siddartha

[Amor-de-angel]

Well done the pair of you. See how great writers can pull of something amazing when they work together.
Just highlights that extra drink can cause us to wear rosy coloured glasses. We see what we maybe shouldn't in a stranger.
Great write