In life --- if you wish to tune the person out -- you can...it seems that's what this poem is doing for the reader...no matter how loud you scream...the people are on a different wavelength...and cannot hear you...or just plain ignorance...I wonder if the last stanza would better this way:
I must seem quiet,
From this hollow I'm in,
They keep looking but walking,
I must seem quiet.
---
I must seem quiet,
From this hole I'm in,
They keep looking but walking,
I must seem quiet.
---
Hollow seems the wrong word choice...but this is your work...and just an observation on my part...
Posted 10 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
10 Years Ago
Thank you so much for your review. I'll definitely take that into consideration. I always did have a.. read moreThank you so much for your review. I'll definitely take that into consideration. I always did have a problem with the word hollow but I could never find another word that fit the meaning. Hole seems too simple for what I am trying to convey, but it is a good idea. Thank you this review was very constructive.
In life --- if you wish to tune the person out -- you can...it seems that's what this poem is doing for the reader...no matter how loud you scream...the people are on a different wavelength...and cannot hear you...or just plain ignorance...I wonder if the last stanza would better this way:
I must seem quiet,
From this hollow I'm in,
They keep looking but walking,
I must seem quiet.
---
I must seem quiet,
From this hole I'm in,
They keep looking but walking,
I must seem quiet.
---
Hollow seems the wrong word choice...but this is your work...and just an observation on my part...
Posted 10 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
10 Years Ago
Thank you so much for your review. I'll definitely take that into consideration. I always did have a.. read moreThank you so much for your review. I'll definitely take that into consideration. I always did have a problem with the word hollow but I could never find another word that fit the meaning. Hole seems too simple for what I am trying to convey, but it is a good idea. Thank you this review was very constructive.
15 years and dreaming of getting good pay for my writing and wanting to travel the world.
She was in love with cities she'd never been to and people she'd never met. She loved mysteries so much she.. more..