Deeper

I’m inside your head reading your thoughts before you’re even aware of them, and I edit them before you experience them, so I choose the thoughts that you get, so I construct your personality. You get what I want you to get, and you are totally unaware of this, that I control your thoughts and behaviour. I give you permission to think. Imagine the burden I am under. I have full responsibility for your personality. If you make a bad decision it’s down to me. On the other hand, if you make a good decision and your life improves, I can take credit for that, so you owe me royally, but also I deserve a good kicking for some of the things I’ve allowed you to do, like when you made that decision to date Sarah Dartmore. That was me. I did that for a laugh when I was bored. Deep down, invisible to you, you preferred Katie Rogers, but I thought ‘what the hell’. I should take one in the balls for that. But look where you are today, manager of a 20 strong team and on the ascent. I got you there. I fed you those motivating thoughts, those interview lines. I allowed you to excel. You have no idea how much doubt your subconscious was filled with before all those promotional interviews, but I held it all back, made you feel supremely confident, and what’s more, I will continue to fight your corner. You’re the only one I care about, one way or the other. You will continue to be a confident young man, but don’t forget who makes this so, behind the scenes. Man, look at you, all this success at 21. Who else can say that? You’re gifted. I’m your gift. You live a dream. In fact, it is little more than a dream you live, because I am your reality. You’ve got to be the luckiest man alive, for now. I say ‘for now’ because if you cross me or don’t give me my due, I will take you down. I can break you as easily as I’ve made you. I’ve been Mr Nice so far, but I can turn, so beware. I have mood swings, too. See, I’m your own personal God. I oversee things. Nothing gets past me. I’m the only one with full access to your being. You only perceive a fraction of yourself. I see all of you. I’m more you than you are in that respect. Do you understand? So I’m your special God. How does that feel? That must feel great. You must feel really special, you have a personal God. I can assure you not everyone has their own God. You are the only one I know who does. Everyone else has to make do with one God, one God for all the other people in the world, and I’ll let you into a secret, he’s an imagined God. He’s not real. I know the argument goes back and forth but take it from someone in the know, he’s not real. I’m real. I’m flesh and blood. I’m directly in front of you, so you know I can’t be lying, and I watch over you. I give and take away. I look out for you. I control your life. I look after you, Tony. I don’t know whether you understand what I am saying. I am your master and your slave. I work for you but I also control you. My payoff is power. Even though you think that you are running your life, making your mind up, etc, you’re not. It just feels that way. I’m feeding you the lines. Your feelings are not pure feelings. I direct them in restricting you to certain cognitions which guide you emotionally. They are based on what I let you know about what’s going on inside you, what I decide you can have access to or deserve. There are huge amounts of you that you are totally unaware of, that you’ve never experienced. You have no idea who you really are. I have access to everything about you, and this puts me in an extremely powerful position - know this. You are in my hands. You are weak and helpless. All in all, and I don’t mean to offend, you are a robot that I programme. When you ate a cheese sandwich before, this morning, I decided you would eat cheese, even though you thought you chose cheese, I chose cheese by permitting happy thoughts about cheese to enter your conscious mind. You have had several bad cheese experiences. You have had nightmare after eating cheese. You have had stomach upsets, but I purposely made you recall only the good times you’ve had with cheese, so that you wouldn’t be swayed into thinking ‘Perhaps Bacon?’ Bacon was around as a filling, with chicken, with sausage, with lettuce and tomato. There were many delicious bacon options. Bacon was in your mind with cheese, but deeper down, below that which you can see, and some great memories of bacon were about to surface, but I blocked them on a whim and put ‘cheese’ in there, so you chose cheese instead of bacon. I can have whims, you can’t. I have your whims. Let me tell you, underneath it all you prefer bacon. You have had better times with bacon and bacon is your favourite food. It has never made you ill and you have perfect dreams on bacon, but you chose cheese because I made you choose cheese. This is just one tiny example of how I manage you, but every little thing you do I control by managing your thoughts and your life, so every time you think ‘I think I’ll do that’ know that I am making that thought come to you from behind the scenes. Every time you wake up know that I have woken you up by feeding you a shocking dream image or a toilet sensation. And every time you fall asleep know that I have given permission to relaxing thoughts. Furthermore, every time that you cannot sleep know that I am allowing dark, scary thoughts and images to flood your mind, maybe because I’ve had a bad day, maybe because I am angry with you for some reason. Why should I be angry with you, you may ask, since everything you do is determined by me? I get angry because I’m a moody man. I can’t make my mind up sometimes. I can’t decide easily what I should let you think and do. I have those days. Sometimes I’m just angry and you’ll have to deal with it, if I let you, because one day I may see red and send you into a nervous breakdown, when I’m tired of the success I’ve allowed you, or maybe not. It’s all unpredictable, but determined by me. For you it will simply unfold, and if you ignore this information, maybe you will believe your life’s trajectory was all meant to be. But you should believe that I am manipulating your life. If you suffer, it’s me. If you triumph, it’s me. Bless me or curse me, but take no credit and admit no fault. You are innocent. You are powerless. You are trapped with me in your head. You are free of all responsibility, do as I please.     

Reviews

[TL Boehm]

happy thoughts and cheese - fully controlled by your own personal God. Thought provoking write on the subject - is God in control? or not? And if, what if? I smiled at the comment on Bacon - because I love it with cheese, but the write here was well done - and its something many of us ponder.

[Nikki Richardson]

I found this among my read requests. I was definitely going to try to read everything but I got stuck on this. It's such a huge amount of words with no breaks at all. A good place to start is to make a new paragraph after the line, "Imagine the burden I am under." You also may want to go back and take out some of the 'so's in the first sentence. Watch the run on sentences because that makes things like this hard to read too. I think you do have some good stuff here, and it'd be even better if you added paragraphs.

[Samantha Lynn]

wow that is a lot of words. Break it up a little? maybe? A blonde gal like myself tends to get lost in all those thoughts. We need breaks here and there lol

[TheSweet]

The concept of this is very good as I didn't notice any mistakes. I did however feel is got a bit repetitive in the middle, repeating yourself and just explaining rather than suggesting. But generally I enjoyed the read because it was interesting and I tried to relate it to myself, etc. pretty unique idea overall and well written. Thanks for sharing.

[Rhiannon]

the only thing I could hope to critique is the paragraph spacing (or lack thereof haha) this was wonderfully written --the kind of story I hope to read on here but that seems to elude me.

excellent.

[Anubis]

In a way this creeps me out and makes me a bit paranoid, good work! I'm now going to live thinking I have someone controlling my head. If I'm I'm allowed to think it...

[A Soap Mess Stories]

This was thought-provoking! It certainly made me think! Great story w:-)