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Dialogue

 

‘Hello, Nigel?’

‘Yes. Hello.’

‘Nigel Hawthorn?’

‘Yes, Hawthorn - H-A- double ...’

‘Yes.’

‘Okay.’

‘So, Nigel, welcome. Nice to meet you, take a seat.’

‘Thank you.’

‘Okay, I’ll introduce you to the panel, Nigel: I’m David Crossland and I’m the service manager. There’s Barbara Cross. Barbara is line manger of the team you would be working for. She heads that team.’

‘Hi, Nigel.’

‘Hi, Barbara.’

‘And this is Carl, Carl Crosswing, and Carl heads up the Crash Team.’

‘The Crash Team?’

‘Hi, Nigel.’

‘Hi, Carl. The Crash Team?’

‘Okay Nigel, now we’ve got some unfortunate news, I’m afraid. We very much wanted to consider you for this role but something has come up, something serious. We think you would be very suited to the role but we see that your Uncle Brian already works for us, on the Crash Team.’

‘The Crash Team? I don’t have an Uncle Brian.’

‘And it’s going to cause some problems, you see. It’s part of company policy. So we’re really sorry to have wasted your time today. We found out only several minutes before you arrived this morning. Had we advanced notice we would have contacted you beforehand.’

‘What?’

‘Carl here, Carl Crosswing from the Crash Team, spoke to Brian in the kitchen this morning and realised the family connection.’

‘I don’t understand.’

‘Nepotism, Mr Hawthorn. Nigel. Sadly we are not permitted to consider you for the role today because you have a relative who works for the company, and it’s against company rules to employ more than one family member. Only one family member permitted to work for the company at any one time. It’s the rules. You have my apologies.’

‘Forgive me but this is nonsense, I don’t have an Uncle Brian.’

‘Oh you do, Nigel, and he works for us on the Crash Team. He informed us, Carl, this morning in the kitchen. Brian Hawthorn, your father’s brother.’

‘My father hasn’t got a brother. He’s an only child. This is madness.’

‘Are you calling a member of my staff a liar, Nigel?’

‘No, I mean yes, I mean no. It’s just ...’

‘Are you calling your uncle a liar?’

‘No. I haven’t got an Uncle Brian. No.’

‘We are opposed to nepotism here, Nigel. It’s a strict company policy. It’s written into the law of the company, way above my head. Only one Hawthorn permitted to work here at a time. I can show you the policy if you wish?’

‘No, I don’t think that will be necessary.’

‘Should Brian’s contract with us be discontinued, feel free to apply for the vacant role.’

‘But I’ve never heard of this man Brian.’

‘Brian Hawthorn, your uncle, standard operative on the Crash Team. Six years service, not a hair out of place.’

‘Brian Hawthorn, the Crash Team?’

‘Have you heard of the Crash Team, Nigel?’

‘No I haven’t.’

‘But there is a Crash Team, Nigel, a very substantial Crash Team. We employ a substantial number of operatives on the Crash Team.’

‘Yeah, I realise ...’

‘Do you see what I’m saying, Nigel?’

‘I think so.’

‘There is a Crash Team and you didn’t know it.’

‘Yes but ...’

‘And there is a Brian Hawthorn on the Crash Team that you don’t know about, and he’s your uncle.’

‘Yes but ...’

‘But he is there, on the Crash Team. He’s a standard operative on the Crash Team with six years service and not a hair out of place.’

‘Yes, I underst ...’

‘Thank you, Nigel, I knew you would. I’m so sorry for the inconvenience.’

‘But he’s not my uncle.’

‘Thank you, Nigel’

‘Thank you, Nigel.’

‘Thank you, Nigel.’

‘Thanks, anyway, Da ...’

‘David Crossland. Barbara, would you show Mr Hawthorn out, thank you.’

‘Of course.’

‘Good luck, Nigel.’

‘Good luck, Nigel.’

‘Good luck, Nigel.’

‘Thank you.’

‘Okay Barbara, could you show the next candidate in, please?’

‘Of course.’

‘Hello, Paul?’

‘Yes, hello.’

‘Paul Crosswing?’

‘Yes, Crosswing, as in Cross-wing.’

‘Yes, that’s what we have down here.’

‘Okay.’

‘So, Paul, welcome, nice to meet you, take a seat.’

‘Thank you’

‘Okay, I’ll introduce you to the panel, Paul: I’m David Crossland and I’m the service manger. This is Carl Crosswing.’

‘Hi, Paul.’

‘Hi, Carl.’

‘Carl heads up the Crash Team.’

Reviews

[Michael of Gilead]

Oh i get it, and it's far to much like many a phone call i have had with any authority

[Arte Por Vida]

Although I'm not really sure what you wrote this for.. I love it. It's great! The open end, leaving it up to the reader to decide if the company is being two-faced or about to tell another candidate he can't work there, is so cool. Very well written.

[axel]

good writing,execellent

[Craig2591]

Very funny. It has a Monty Python feel to it. So absurd. And I like how it is written entirely in dialogue.

[Richard Lane]

excellent writing my friend. Oddly enough something similar just happened to the Edgar Allan Poe museum in Baltimore, Maryland. It was originally the house he bought when he was in his mid 30's. He wrote most of his famous work there including the Raven. What happened is the city council in Baltimore, Maryland in the US. for some reason claimed there wasn't enough funding to keep the museum in operation much longer. But the city does have enough money to build a casino not far from where Edgar Allan Poe's house is though. The Curator of the museum actually had nothing to do with the closing and had no idea about the closing until it was shut this September.

[Drifter]

Haha, I like this. It's witty and flowed at a nice pace. I especially liked the name-play here. Well done. :D