ANTICHRIST

For those who know my work, see I don't have to rhyme I just like tooooooo :~)

Fan the flames of my own internal hell
And from my very ashes shall arise
A black and twisted scar covered soul
Void of conscious responsibility to morals
Death liberated of human guilt's and virtues
Expelled into the fragile plane of man
Thrash in pain the torture of a diseased mind
To cringe in fear the touch of a pure thought
Bleed forth a shadow from the darkest heart
And glut from the feast of honest souls
Made corrupt by its foul presence
Vulnerable only the resurrection of flesh
And the sharp sword of good deeds
                    Bear

Author's Note

I leave most punctuation to the reader that they can read the poem in their own meter, mood and motility. I thank you for taking the time to read my work.

Reviews

[Breezy]

When I finished reading this, I was like "woah. This is deep man." A powerful poem. I think it works without the punctuation, but I recommend inserting some to see how it affects the poem. Additionally, the way you set up the lines (I assume couplets) gives it it's own rhythm. All in all, I enjoyed reading this poem.

Bri

[Bear]

Thank you for the review, I started leaving most punctuation out of my poetry 40 years ago after going to many live reads and hearing the same poem read by more than one person. Each read the poem as they saw fit ignoring the punctuation and I enjoyed each reading. I liked the idea of how a poem can relate differently to each reader without the guidance of periods and commas. I am glad you enjoyed my poem, entertaining is all I hoped for :~)

[JMKane117]

Wow Bear! I'd love to see this turned into a metal song of some sort. I really like the imagery. That internal hell is communicated really well. Glad you wrote this!

[Bear]

Interesting idea I can hear the screaming strings and the uneven beat of the drums but what do you think of a Jethro Tull style flute to highlight the lyric. Do you know a metal band looking for material lol thank you JM you made my day :~)

[Willis Walker]

There is such a biblical style about this piece, and it fits it perfectly. It almost felt like I was reading an old testament passage at times, the imagery is so vivid.

The lack of punctuation works well in this piece. It is best left up to the reader. I felt if you dictated the metre, it would have inhibited the sense of gravity in the piece. I felt myself speeding up up as the piece progressed, the same way a doomsday preacher might get more frantic as his monologue progresses.

A very well constructed piece!

[Bear]

You get it, that is why I like to leave most punctuation out and allow the reader their freedom to read as they see fit. I thank you for the kind words and I hope the message I just left on your poem explains what I meant about adding the commas :~)

[Connie]

I haven't been around for a while but am glad to come back to another incredible write from you! I love your work.

[Bear]

You are too kind and welcome you back to the 101 I hope all is going well for you are yours :~)

[Connie]

I am okay, I just didn't write for a while, I was consumed with the duties of life. I wrote a few pieces this morning and then wound up in the emergency room at 9:30 this morning, just got home. I am okay

[Bear]

I hope the trip to the emergency room turned out ok and all is well, take care my friend.
I understand and am pretty lucky that I have managed to duck and cover my way through enough life that it has lowered its expectations of me now that I no longer need to work :~)

[Abhilash Hegde]

Quite a heavy write, I'm still absorbing it.
It's good to read you again, Bear :)

PS: I had been away for a while on vacation, didn't spend much time on writerscafe for sometime now.
Nice to get back here :)

[Bear]

Welcome back, I hope you are well vacated :~) and thank you for the kind review.

[K.M]

I loved this so much! You have done a wonderful job with this poem Bear! -Kenzie

[Bear]

Thank you, I am glad you enjoyed it :~)

[Nia Lisa]

I think without the punctuation the poem looks like a neat stream of consciousness, with a series of thoughts which the reader can pin together in any way they like. When you say "And glut from the feast of honest souls" Does that mean the protagonist of this poem steals the reward and food given to good hearted people? I like that the theme in this poem reminds me of the theme in "The Second Coming" by W.B

[Bear]

As a fallen angel his intent is to lead people astray, and to come upon people with honest souls means they would be naive of temptation. His feast would be tempting them away from God and his gluttony keeps him looking for more souls to turn. Over the years from countless poetry reading I have learned that people tend to read poetry differently on how they relate to it regardless of punctuation. By leaving the punctuation out I let people read my work as they chose to relate to it, I try to keep the number of syllables in each sentence close to the same so I can at least control the flow and meter it is read by. Thank you for the great comments and I hope I answered your question :~)

[Nia Lisa]

Yes, you answered my question. Great explanations!

[VP]

Wow! It is evident from all your poems that you area great writer. The way you have expressed your thoughts and imagination is commendable . I really like this poem and the different kinds of words and phrases that you have used.

[Bear]

Thank you for the kind review, I shall gladly return the read and review favor :~)

[AliciaB]

Wow. Talk about intense imagery and diction. This is one of those poems where you read it and your eyes just keep getting wider, and wider, and wider.... I really like the lines "Trash in pain the torture of a diseased mind / To cringe in fear the touch of a pure thought" - nice parallel structure in terms of phrasing, and I like the contrast between "a diseased mind" and "a pure thought". You have done an excellent job of painting an extremely vivid picture of this character and situation. Nicely done!

[Bear]

Thank you very much for the great review. I have your site bookmarked and will be reading more of your work soon, have to see if you have other book inspired poems :~)

[AliciaB]

Thank you! I'm actually working on a poem about Zaknafein right now... it's really long, but I'm super excited about it!

[zaisham9393]

My favorite lines:
To cringe in fear the touch of a pure thought
Bleed forth a shadow from the darkest heart
And glut from the feast of honest souls
Made corrupt by its foul presence


I loved this .I am addicted to rhyming lol...but this time , the poem you have reviewed recently was a free verse poems, and I think when you don't have to force the rhyme and kind of say how you feel it is easier and better.Anyway your work is inspiring :)!!

[Bear]

I have been rhyming for so long it comes naturally so it is never forced, most of the time I have the majority of the poem already thought out before I ever start writing. I started out helping my Aunt who was a lyricist so rhyme is not just my style it is in my blood :~) As I said above the picture I posted this just to show that I didn't have to rhyme, I am glad you liked it my friend.

[zaisham9393]

You are welcome :))!