THE URINAL COLONEL

Written as a marching cadence, hut two three four, hut two three four.

At me my dad would always shout
Then one day he got mad and threw me out
He was a wreck and said I made him nervous
With nowhere to go he said, "try the services"
So I shaved my head just to impress
The recruiting officer so he wouldn't guess
That I was born with two left feet
So my big toes will never meet
To the left, to the left, I got no right
To the left, to the left, well not quite
But the armed services turned me down
Because I can only march round and round
As I turned to go, wondering what would I do
The Sergeant said "but we still have a job for you"
They trained me special in hand to hand
Because they said of this my job would demand
Now I brush and polish till they glow nocturnal
And that is why they call me the urinal Colonel
To the left, to the left, I got no right
To the left, to the left, well not quite
                           Bear

Author's Note

I leave most punctuation to the reader that they can read the poem in their own meter, mood and motility. I thank you for taking the time to read my work.

Reviews

[DirectTangent]

What a jubilant, irreverent, frolic - great for double-time down the avenue.
Enjoyed the light-heartedness of it.

[Bear]

Thank you for stopping by and reading my work and I am glad you enjoyed it, I shall gladly return the read and review favor soon :~)

[Beccy]

I don't think you can Bear, which I think was my dad's point. :-))

[Beccy]

Better than having to whitewash several tons of coal with a toothbrush; as my father once explained was a military punishment. Not that I could tell if he was joking or not; he's got the most deadpan sense of humour I've ever come across.

Loved both the sense of fun and the rhythm. Beccy

[Bear]

Thank you, it was a fun write and how can you tell when a piece of coal is clean?

[justdandy]

I really really enjoyed this. Great Job.... I was laughing. Something I didnt expect, when I saw the title.

[Bear]

The next time you go out for a march you now know a good marching cadence song to march to :~)

[justdandy]

hehehehhe soo true

[Dalton Wagoner]

Oh my God, I love this! It made me feel tons of emotions at the same time!

[Bear]

I am glad you enjoyed it and I hope you can remember it the next time your out for a march :~)

[Dalton Wagoner]

😂 sir, yes sir!

[Insight "MH"]

Funny, yet sad, the way you made it seem to be, which is unique.


Insight.

[Bear]

Thank you, it was fun to write, very funny to hear it recited while cadets marched :~)

[marcus]

Good one Bear I liked this! Like to see more humorous stuff as well.

[Bear]

Thanks Marcus, I have a few posted that are fun, maybe I should post a few more and see if it will inspire other people to post some humor as well :~)

[L. Michelle Corp]

Masterfully written. A true gem.

[Bear]

Thank you, I shall gladly return the read and review favor soon :~)

[L. Michelle Corp]

Since reading this, it's been my plan to continue reviewing your work. Just so you know, my current works are all precisely 100 words, respectively.

[Bear]

I hope I am able to entertain you as you travel through my world of poetry, and I have just read one of your stories and I hope you still feel like reading my work after you have read my comment :~)

[L. Michelle Corp]

I am NOT offended of your restructuring; only flattered. I am a silent writer without a pen--keeping my stories written in my head for only me to know (until very recently, that is) Therefore, I am pleasantly surprised that my work is being enjoyed. I do like the way you restructured Moonbath. Perhaps I'll keep it that way. I hope you check out my other works as I do so for you.

[Hakim]

This was a pretty cool poem. it was a strangely funny but also a little bit sad. Kind of satirical.

[Bear]

Thank you, it was meant to be a funny marching song.

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

A poem full of candour and integrity!
Would have needed a brave heart to write.
Life and its ruthlessness at the time of need.
Still no work is bad or small until it serves some purpose.

[Bear]

I had a brother in law who was in the army and I wrote this as a marching cadence for him. I am told you can still hear this at fort Riley where my brother in law was stationed and that was almost 40 years ago. I don't believe him when he says they still use it but it is nice to be flattered now and then :~)

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Good to know that.