Why Would Anyone Want Kids?!

For my son, Cian.

Your DVD collection is destroyed by little scratches.
Your new white rug develops tiny hand-shaped chocolate patches.

Sunday morning lie-ins are a thing consigned to history.
And the location of your other shoe is something of a mystery.

The constant fetch and carry makes you feel just like their gopher.
You have to drive them everywhere; you're just a trumped-up chauffeur.

And when you put them in the bath, they scream and fight and shout.
But they scream and fight and shout more when you try to take them out.

The scrapes upon your arms and legs, the scratches on your head.
And the constant war to get your kids to "GO UPSTAIRS TO BED!!"

The icky mess at meal times really drive you round the bend.
Not to mention the "aroma" coming out the other end.

I think every single parent must have really flipped the lid,
'Coz I can't think of one good reason why you'd want to have a kid.


Except this smile: