The Mouse and the Mole

A mouse and a mole are caught up in a terrible storm...

Once...

A mouse took a walk in the forest,

When it suddenly started to pour.

He searched far and wide for a dry place to hide

Then he noticed a small wooden door.

He had come to a neat little cottage,

Where the lonely old mole did reside.

"Oh please!", cried the mouse. "Let me into your house,

For I'm lost and it's raining outside!"

But the lonely old mole was too selfish,

And he lied so he'd not have to share.

"My house is too small; there is no room at all.

I'm afraid that you must stay out there."

So the mouse carried on through the downpour,

'Til a hole in a tree he did spy.

He got out of the storm and he tried to keep warm,

And the mouse did his best not to cry.

Meanwhile...

The thunderstorm raged through the forest,

And the wind caused the mole's house to sway.

It creaked and shook, and the mole could but look,

As his neat little home washed away!

So the mole was alone in the forest,

And he could find nowhere to hide.

Then he spotted the tree, and what did he did see,

But the weary young mouse was inside.

"Oh please!", cried the mole. "I am drowning!

And I simply don't know what to do.

I have nowhere to go, can you please let me know,

Is there room in your tree-house for two?”

The cries woke the mouse from his slumber,

And he roused himself up from his bed.

Then he saw the old mole peering into the hole,

And here's what the little mouse said:

"When I needed your help, you refused me,

And your selfishness should be repaid.

But I see you're in need, so you're welcome indeed,

To share the small home that I've made."

The mole cried "I'm ever so greatful!"

And he sat by the mouse to keep warm.

And they stayed there together, safe from the weather,

Looking out at the terrible storm.

Then...

The next morning the storm had retreated,

And the forest was dried by the sun.

But the mole hung his head and he quietly said,

"I am sorry for what I have done."

"When you asked me for help I ignored you,

Yet you helped when I'd nowhere to go.

So I promise you now I will manage somehow,

To repay you this debt that I owe."

So the mole built a new little cottage,

In his bid to make honest amends.

And there did they stay for a year and a day,

The mouse and the mole - best of friends!

Reviews

[.]

this is not just a great poem, it has a moral to it. Cleverly contructed and flowed beauifully. Your very gifted.

[just rose.]

this is awesome. i love the moral of the story. the rhymes and metre here are incredibly well done. i loved reading this!!!

[BirlenCockatiel]

Awww!
how sweet!

[Jamie S.]

What a heart warming story full of lessons and love. What a wonderful way to teach a child the art of forgiveness, selflessness and gratitude. And you did it in such an entertaining way, I can see this being read to kids 50 years from now!

I hate to say I agree about the word "abated" maybe use faded?? Other than that I love it an wouldnt change a word :)

[Charles]

This has many of the fine qualities as the 'you, me and he' writing that I looked at earlier. There are a number of places, though, where the sentence structure is thrown to the wind to make a rhyme (something I find distracting, but is common enough in rhymed verse kateky). Examples: a tree he did spy, nowhere could he find for to hide, for to share the small hone, and there did they stay. When I see this, I always wish the author would try a bit harder to rhyme without inverting sentences. Then, since this seems suited for children (and well-done from that view point), the words abated and unabated seem a bit mature... pperhaps some other words could be used at these spots to bring the level down a notch. Great writing.

[Ellen Hammond]

This is really outstanding! It carries a great message and the meter and rhyme are very good. This would be great in a nursery rhyme book. But, even as an adult I enjoyed it too. Its a delightful read.

Oh I see that you are new here. Welcome to WC! Hope to read more of your work soon.

[Holly]

This is simply delightful in the tradition of those warm childhood stories that our parents use to read us at bedtime. There was only one small detail I noticed that threw off the rhythm of the poem while I was reading:

"And nowhere could he find for to hide"

Have you considered trying it without the "for" in that line? I'm sure it would still be fabulous. Thanks for the truly enjoyable read!