ORDEAL STRETCH

The smile didn't seem noticeable
That came from a heart in pain
Eyes were meant to behave like clouds
Which were ready to shatter tears like rain.....

Time has always been an 'eyewitness'
For my condition and being obsessed
Always wore a mask of fake emotions
To hide the thoughts so 'cursed'....

Don't know why I'm heading
Towards this kind of solitude
Never smiled but always carried a leer
Just to make up her tyring mood.....

A day appears to be of 48 hrs
And the nights are much longer
Sleep also left my hand
I only know how much I'm stronger.....

Yet you won't be able to forget
And will always remember me
Because my memories are those unforgettable leaves
Hanging on you my 'Desirable Tree'.....

Reviews

[Barbara Walker]

This is great! Good imagery, rhythm and flow! Like the structure of this piece too!

[Basu Gupta]

thanq..

[InsanityWriter]

Lovely work. :) Great rhyme scheme, it flowed well. (:

[Basu Gupta]

thanq..

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Beautiful theme and stunning story progression. Serious love of a serious guy here.

I just want to clarify this line:
Just to make up her tyring mood.....is it trying or tiring?

Overall a beautiful piece to worth to read.

[ROSALIND]

thought provoking a passionate write

[Basu Gupta]

thankew...

[Just Kim]

Very nicely written, much enjoyed

[Basu Gupta]

thankew...

[CookieDough]

Woow I like it very much. Good one!

[Basu Gupta]

thankyaaaa

[Rhianne Ney]

The poem is soulful and regardless of anything at hand. It shows great devotion to somebody. But sometimes too much can kill, right?(except for God of course)
and as for what your picture says, "Sometimes it's better/makes them stronger to let go"

It's hard to let go let alone to hold on too much, sometimes it's up to us to open another possibility that might help us in the proper future (:

[Basu Gupta]

completely in your favour....
thanks for the review

[Rhianne Ney]

You're welcome

[Phoenix]

Keep writing

[Basu Gupta]

yes i will......thanks

[Katherine Enma Pineappl..]

Hmm... I'm getting curious as to who this 'tree' of yours is as your poem is incredibly entertaining as the last one.

But that aside you start off powerfully this time around. Your first stanza really caught my attention. My favorite lines from this poem are actually from here:
Eyes were meant to behave like clouds
Which were ready to shatter tears like rain.....

What I like about this poem is that there are lines that are uniquely powerful and it really sticks to my mind, as a person would feel when they're faced with a good quote. I don't have much to comment other than the fact of the overuse of periods, though it's not a real problem but it's just a pet peeve of mine

Don't let my last comment bother you though as this was a great read :)

Keep writing

[Basu Gupta]

ya sure....thank you........

[Katherine Enma Pineapple]

you're welcome :)

[Lucy Morningstar &heart..]

nice :)

[Basu Gupta]

thanxx