The Rain Poem

I don't like this piece. But I wanted to post it to get back in the habit. Guess you gotta go through the crap to get to the good stuff though. I tried to play around with sounds and stuff in this. Have fun.

 The Rain Poem

 

 

For days, the skies were torn open

As the rain fell, and it fell, and it fell

    Flooded the fields, drowned the crops

Filled the houses in the valleys half way up with water

 

For hours the lightning danced its dance on the horizon

Once struck the hilltops

While the wind howled its mournful melody

And the creeks washed up and whisked away the Johnsons’ barn

 

Half the cows drowned,

The other half broke out of the pasture and took to the ridges

The horses stood knee deep in muddy flooded stalls, bellowing for help

Help that only came once the rain receded

 

The clouds are still hanging above us,

Taunting, waiting, imposing upon us their dreary overcast

The cows that didn’t drown are still missing,

The horses are traumatized,

And the Johnsons still haven’t rebuilt their barn

    But word has it that two counties over,

The corn stalks growing high as they ever have

 

 

                       Somewhere the sun is shining,

                       I believe 

 

Reviews

[The Viking]

I kinda like this. It shows how life goes on no matter what catastrophes come your way. The final two lines are great poetic truths. Even though one's livelihood was wiped out by a single storm, showing how fragile the things we place our hopes in really are, somewhere life is good.

[Celtic Cat]

I like it. It pulls me in and makes me think about things outside my little world. How awful for everyone...cows, horses, the Johnson's. It's sad. This makes me melancholy, which means it's a good piece or I wouldn't have felt anything. It's also a little lonely, as I see it through the eyes of a solitary person watching this tragedy, all alone. Excellent piece.

[SM Davis]

yes....the rain is destructive, but in it's wake, new life begins.

[Wildfleour]

James- Let me know what kind of feedback you are looking for and I'll send it via email.

It's good to keep writing, even when we aren't loving what our Muse is sending us.

[W.k.kortas]

To echo Em, there is much that is good here--the narrative is particularly strong. It does need some tightening (it is a bit repetitive here and there), but the foundation is very strong, and there's nothing a bit of touching up can't fix.

[Emily B]

James,
This is a jewel. A little polish will bring out its true worth. Glad to see you posting.