Sunshine

S-U-N-S-H-I-N-E. A word used to describe the energy emitted by the chaotic fireball above our heads.

You once told me that you would love me

if the sun did not shine.

Well here it is, sun is gone,

and it refuses to shine.

My mountain defenses have crumbled

all the way to the ground.

All the way into the sea

making a melodic sound.

You once inspired me to do great things

And now that my sun doesn't shine

I have my doubts about our trip

across the great continent until we die.

Through the language of song

You told me I was the one

And through the phone

we were done. 

And so here I sit, sunless in the dark.

Echoing words of times past

I know you're gone

But that doesn't mean you've disappeared.

Reviews

[Tony]

Nice poem all around-- the stand out lines for me are "I have my doubts about our trip/ Across the great continent until we die". This phrase says so much. I can see two people so happy together planning for a trip for the future of a lifetime-- but.. nooo "I have my doubts" sounds more like it's just not going to happen. So sad. Like I said all around nice poem but that stood out for me the most. Honest write-- well done.

Makosica

[Brian D. Billie]

wow seriously great energy in this, really paints a subtle portrait. the whole thing is oceanic for my mind's ears, yet the second and third stanzas particularly have such flow; i can hear this being read.

last phrase sucks the life out of ya! (in the best way possible)

my own thought:

'day of disappearance, duty dealt to your eyes,
and when had signed you the nearest,
i knew love again had come, and gone
disguised.'

[Lilly]

Nice imagery here through the use of love and sunshine compared to heartbreak and the dark

[Vanesa Markovic]

The last two lines are equally as beautiful, as they are tragic.
This, is a wonderful piece, and as with a few other of your works
I have read, your heart really comes through in your writing.
It's a joy to read.

the last line seems to give off a sense of hope, maybe.

[Lorame]

Hmm... the flow and rhythm is not quite consistent.. but that can be fixed.

[Eka]

Depressing, Depressing, Depressing. Just to make a point. BUT, yes there is always a but, I did particularly enjoy this piece. I love the personification of the poem and the imagery in itself was something fantastic. I loved the way you ended the poem whereas other writers seem to struggle with the ending of their poem, you do not. I have a favorite line that resonated in me, personally, and remined me of myself.

"My mountain defenses have crumbled..."

There is always that one thing that sticks out to the reader, the thing that allows the reader and writer become one. And you achieved this! Thank you for allowing me to read this.
♥E

[red_saphyre]

wonderful poem. your love is gone and now so is your sunshine..

[.]

...Most a-mazing write here. I like this..speaks of a love that went south.
Very well written.

[loowzerX]

sunshine is love. awesome