Devil Went Down to Georgia

I don't own the song. I don't own Alan Rickman (although wouldn't that be nice). I don't own Star Trek and I don't own Tom Cruise. Have no idea how these things could be related? Read the funny story.

 

The Devil went down to Georgia.

He was looking for a soul to steal.

He was in a bind cause he was way behind

And he was willing to make a deal.

When he came across this young man sawing on a fiddle and playing it hot

And the Devil jumped up on a hickory stump

And said, “Boy, lemme tell ya what.

I guess you didn’t know it

But I’m a fiddle player too.

And if you’d care to take a dare

I’ll make a bet with you.

Now you play a pretty good fiddle boy.

But give the Devil his due.

I’ll bet a fiddle of gold against your soul to think I’m better than you.”

The boy said, “My name’s Johnny,

And it might be a sin,

But I’ll take your bet.

You’re gonna regret, cause I’m the best there’s ever been.”

Johnny, rosin up your bow and play your fiddle hard.

Cause Hell’s broke loose in Georgia

And the Devil deals the cards.

And if you win you get this shiny fiddle made of gold.

But if you lose the Devil gets your soul.

The Devil opened up his case

And said, “I’ll start this show.”

And fire flew from his fingertips as he rosined up his bow.

And he pulled the bow across the strings

And it made as evil hiss.

And a band of demons joined in

And it sounded something like this……

When the Devil finished Johnny said,

“Well you’re pretty good, ole’ son.

But sit down in that chair right there

And let me show ya how it’s done.”

And he played

Fire on the mountain . Run, boys, run.

Devil’s in the house of the rising sun.

Chicken in the bread pan, pickin’ out dough.

Granny does your dog bite?

No, child, no….

The Devil bowed his head

Because he knew that he’d been beat.

And he laid that golden fiddle on the ground at Johnny’s feet

Johnny said, “Devil just come on back if ya ever wanna try again.

I done told you once, you son of a b***h,

I’m the best there’s ever been.”

 

            Lucifer grinned. He’d had fun today. They were still behind in this month’s quota, but it would come. It always did. The balance of Good and Evil in the human soul and the universe in general made sure of that. But for today, he’d made a good start on that one kid. He’d made a hard dent in that Granny too – she’d be wracked with guilt for days after lying to those kids about the rottweiler and then having one of ‘em get bit.

            That kid Johnny though. It woulda’ been good to get the soul right off the bat; but slow n’ sneaky was more fun, He grinned wider and listed the kid’s sins so far to himself.

            Pride so wide Granny couldn’t miss it with a bat.

            Greed –it was a Golden fiddle.

            Gambling – he’d said up front it was a bet.

            Mal-intent toward another – Lucifer loved it when they sinned just by hating him.

            And his favorite of course, Blaspheming the Name of God. He’d called the Devil a “son of a b***h,” and who but God had created the Fallen Angel.

            Lucifer giggled and kicked his heels. Delicious. A very good start on one so young. And that was the time to get them. Now, where to go from here with him?

            Suddenly a bright light shone into the Devil’s low-lit, cozy lair and Alan Rickman appeared in its brilliance looking celestial and sullen.

            “The Almighty wants a word with you.”

            “Fuuu-uck. What now?” Rolling his eyes, Lucifer swung himself to his feet and sauntered over to stand by the Metatron in the Star Trek-esque beam of light. He conjured some reflective shades and patted Rickman hard on the cheek. “Come on, cheer up, man. Take some pleasure in delivering the Will of God.” Lucifer cackled at this.

            Rickman sneered. “How, may I ask, did my eternal fate come to lie in your hands?”

            “Simple. Tom Cruise is so f*****g pious and paid so many dues, I let God have him in exchange for deciding what Heavenly duties you’d perform. And you were so good in Dogma.” He cackled again and slapped a grimacing Rickman on the back as they phased up and out. Again, a la Star Trek.

 

            A short while later, the Devil stood in the Presence of God – which was kind of like the largest, brightest interrogation lamp ever.

            “You called?” Lucifer was trying so hard not to sneer.
            YOU WILL LEAVE THE BOY ALONE.

            “What? Why the Hell should I do that?! Have you heard the kid’s dirty laundry list?”

            I HAVE.

            “I mean, come on! He bit his mom when he was four for f**k’s sake!”

            CHILDREN ARE ABSOLVED OF SIN. YOU KNOW THAT.

            “Yeah, well I know you saw him drooling over that fiddle. What’s he gonna do with a Gold fiddle? Play it? I hope not! Just thinking what that would sound like…” Lucifer winced. “And he’s not gonna use it to do any good for anybody. It’s straight up Greed!”

            YOU WILL LEAVE HIM ALONE.   

            “The Pride was off the charts! You can’t tell me I didn’t get points for that at least!”

            YOU WILL LEAVE HIM ALONE.

            “He called you a b***h.”

            HE WAS INSULTING YOU. THAT IS ALLOWED.

            The Devil muttered, “F****r.” But God let it slide.

            Lucifer grasped at his final straw. “He took the bet. It was a gamble – for his soul, I might add – that he could easily have lost. That, I know, isn’t allowed, and he’s so Proud that there’s no way he’ll repent.” There. Let’s see the Big Kahuna argue that point.

            HE COULD NOT HAVE LOST.

            “What?! Oh, Please! I was first chair violin in the Heavenly choir before the War! You ofall beings know what I can do. The kid’s a mere mortal! There’s no way he could’ve won unless I let him.” A thought then occurred to Lucifer. “Unless…”

            I GAVE HIM THE TALENT   .

            Lucifer’s jaw dropped.

            I MADE HIM BETTER THAN YOU. IT WAS, THEREFORE, NOT A SIN OF PRIDE AND NOT A GAMBLE TO TAKE YOUR BET.

            “WHAT?!” Lucifer was screeching, but he didn’t care. “Cheater! F*****g cheater! Bullshit! If You were there, You should have made Yourself known.” He was shaking so hard his glasses were about to fall off.

            THERE ARE NO RULES.      

            “Don’t I f*****g know it.”

            GO BACK. TEMPT WHO ELSE YOU WILL. BUT LEAVE THE BOY ALONE.

            “Damn it.”

            THAT IS WHAT I JUST SAID.         

            “Don’t You get smart with me.”

            AT LEAST IT WASN’T YOUR BEST FIDDLE.

            “Ha f*****g ha. Metatron!”

            Alan Rickman was suddenly present.

            “Get me the F**k outa here before I start to tan.”

 

            Lucifer spent the rest of the week sulking. After he had President Bush assassinated by Christian Fundamentalists just to spite the Big Man.

Author's Note

Let me know what you think. ^_^ This might be the first chapter in something longer....

Reviews

[Angel's Lady]

haha Okay, I was with you all the way, totally leaning in and listening and then I had to laugh at the last line! C'mon, that cracked me up! Sorry, if it wasn't supposed to be funny but I'm a democrat! So, I am so laughing! haha But I totally loved it! You write really great and this was awesome! Good job! Applause, applause! I even love the song! haha Author, author!

[Chillbear Latrigue]

I have so many good things to say about this. It was hysterical and clever. A few weird things happened when I read this. First, I thought that you had just regurgitated the song and almost stopped reading. I'm so glad that I didn't. The second was that I hadn't noticed the author photo and just started reading. I was positive in my head that it was written by a man. I don't know about expanding this out to something longer. That's not because I don't love it. I do. I think it's perfect in this form. However, if you do write more on this, let me know.

[Phil Sanders]

Very cleverly written and quite amusing .. go for more .. I want to read it .....

[Samuel Dickens]

It's very imaginative, Bard's Apprentice. I'm not sure about the use of the Charley Daniels song--I suspect there would be some copyright issues there. Like Angel's Lady, I, too, was amused by that last line. I'm not sure the Big Man would have been all that upset.