Will someone please ask me "how are you doing?"

My long time boyfriend has multiple sclerosis and only after repeating it for the tenth time could I pronounce the word “sclerosis”, that’s how far it was from me.  On another occasion I had to learn to say “encephalitis” and that took me twenty repetitions, I still cannot spell it right without the help of spell check.

 

What I really want to say here is, when will someone ask me “how are you doing?”  After the news of boyfriend diagnosed with MS got out (and it got out QUICK with the help of aunties in the community), everyone has been asking me how boyfriend is doing.  I am grateful for their concern and care, but after a while, I am almost amazed at how no one has bothered to ask how I AM.  I would probably be one of them I think, if I were in their position and would only ask about the patient.  But now that I know how the people next to the patient feels; I look at them from another perspective.  These people standing by the side need to be strong and strong-willed with positive thinking and clear direction and that is not me.

 

After the “how is boyfriend” question, they go on to the second question of “so when are you two planning to tie the knot?”  Big smiley.  Oh, do I get mad.

 

There are so many things to think about: will I marry him?  And if I do, at what age will I start to change his adult nappy?  MS is not always that bad but I have to think about the worst case scenario.  If he cannot work and has excessive medical bills, will I be the one to win bread, make bread and pay the doctor?  If we have kids, there is also a possibility of them getting MS; no matter how slim, a possibility is a possibility.  Do I love him?  Yes.  Massive sigh.  These are realistic questions ringing loudly in my head that I cannot ignore.

 

My traditional mother will not give permission for me to marry him unless he gets better, even after my explanation that the disease will only get worse and there is no known cure at the moment.  I understand the parent’s concern and respect them for that.  If I had a daughter in the same situation, I might even say the same.

 

It is not a time to decide yet, let’s see where our karma takes us.  Next time, if someone asks me how I am, I will tell them EXACTLY how I am.