Shadow Self

My journey of upbringing to self-discovery and empowerment. Embrace authenticity and self-worth.

When people throw a trash bag on your private property, what would you do?

Would you retaliate, throw it back, or slap that trash bag in their faces? Sure, it might feel satisfying for a moment, but it would undoubtedly cause chaos.

Or would you just pick it up and clean it? Problem solved, right?

Wrong. They'll think, "I'll throw my garbage on that property again since it's okay."

Most people I know would choose the second scenario because they're afraid to do one simple thing: communicate. Many people perceive communication as an attack, being direct as aggression, and speaking up as being overly sensitive. They believe that to be a nice person, you should keep things to yourself, even if someone is metaphorically throwing trash at your face.

I get it. I can't blame them. I used to be a people pleaser, but before that, I was a thug. Both roles fed my ego in different ways.

I grew in a broken family. At the age of 13, I lived with my mother. I used to be surrounded by drug addicts, including my mother. I learned things in my own way. And the hard way. I never felt secure with my mother, so I, myself, became my own guard. I was brave and smart, befriending only those who I find kind and uplifting. My friends were well-raised by their guardians, unlike me. I didn't realize how mean I was-"I cursed, did bad things, and was the rude kid you’d avoid on the street. It seemed normal to me because I had no guidance. 'Cause that's what I thought is normal. I was never guided. 

My friends called me out because of my attitude. I spent many night crying. I isolated myself. I never felt so alone like that before. I was sad, because who else do I have?

So, I fixed myself and adjusted. I became so afraid of being mean that I couldn't say no to anyone. I allowed everything and became the nice friend. It felt good to fit in, and I carried that attitude into my working life. I pleased people for years. No one at work hated me-"they liked me because I was pretty and nice.

But I got exhausted. Not from being nice, but from not being myself. I couldn't say what I wanted because everything was filtered. I couldn't express my true feelings because they were invalidated. I became scared and lost myself.

Little by little, I found my missing pieces. I became self-aware. I learned to balance and to justify. That's who I am now. I speak my truth and set boundaries because I refuse to sabotage myself like before. I'm going to be me, and I don't care if you find me difficult. Not everyone likes me now, and that's okay. It's supposed to be that way. Now, when I look in the mirror, I see myself clearly. I am BEAUTIFUL.

Author's Note

Feel free to share your thoughts :)

Reviews

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

Loved this !

I love a story or poem with hidden messages or life guidance
I enjoyed this one


I choose to ignore stuff my neighbors do

I don’t give them the satisfaction of knowing they upset me

There’s a few things both sides of my fence do to me and I completely ignore and sorta pity them !

Doesn’t mean I forgive or don’t get upset with what they do it’s just if I knock on their door I know they will argue snd somehow make me look bad for complaining so I can’t be bothered !

Who has lived in the street longer than me they think they own the place silly eh?

These have lived their a lifetime
I only moved here 9 years ago.

Yes that’s the way I cope I ignore it

Yes I fuss in my house tell my partner it annoys him so then I shut up

But I will not give them the satisfaction of knowing they upset me

That’s a long story sorry 😞

Enjoyed your write btw
I could relate ! Thanks

[Mystical Ink]

I can only imagine. There are really things that's better to be left unsaid. For your own peace. Thank you for sharing and I appreciate your review!

[Betty Hermelee]

A lovely story and one that has a moral to it….. it’s about learning to be yourself and not worry too much about what others think of you… I think you learned the hard way , having a difficult childhood….. being different from most….but in the end you took out the filters and realized that not everyone has to like you….you must have self worth and be your own person… with your own soul and spirit, and people will ultimately respect you…. Very well written
Warmly
B.🌷

[Mystical Ink]

Indeed, learning to embrace who we are without the need for external validation is a crucial lesson, and often one learned through life's toughest experiences. My difficult childhood and feeling different from most have shaped me in profound ways, and your appreciation means a great deal to me. Comments like yours encourage me to continue sharing my journey and connecting with others on a deeper level. Thank you!

[Betty Hermelee]

Your comment makes me very happy, thank you
And as always, a pleasure
Warmly, B🌷

[Marie]

I love this very well planned, laid out and expressed poem. Life was very difficult for the poetess growing up, she thought it was normal, because it was the only experience she had, but she had the power within her to change her situation and with respect and admiration for her I am more than happy to say she changed it with style. I love that you now set boundaries, speak YOUR truth, found balance and really like yourself! Amazing transformation! If people like us, that's fine. If people don't like us, that's fine also, but it is SO important to be true to ourselves, to love ourselves (not in a selfish way), to be our own best friend and to always acknowledge and love our inner child who has been through so much. It is equally important to remember that we are good enough, to be happy, to allow our light to shine so that it may help other who still live within the dark, to show love, caring, respect to all. This poem should be on the front page of "Writerscafe". It deserves to be read by all. It is sooooooo inspiring, soooooooo powerful, encouraging and motivating. It is a gem! Thank you for sharing this amazing crafting, it will help so many who read it! Sending brightest and very best and most beautiful blessings your way, M. I...

[Mystical Ink]

Your recognition of this journey and the importance of self-love and authenticity means a lot to me. I wholeheartedly agree that being true to ourselves, setting boundaries, and embracing our inner child are crucial steps towards healing and living a fulfilled life. And I am truly grateful for your kind words and support. Knowing that my poem can inspire and encourage others is the highest honor I could receive as a writer. Thank you so much for your beautiful blessings and for taking the time to share your thoughts with such warmth and admiration :))

[Brad Dehler]

Love your take on life, on your good friends. It warms the heart, especially considering your rough childhood including drugs/addiction. I particularly like the part about seeing your soul in the mirror.

[Mystical Ink]

The part about seeing my soul in the mirror is particularly special, as it represents a deep moment of self-acceptance and understanding. I'm glad it resonated with you. It's moments like these, where we connect on a soul level, that truly makes sharing my story worthwhile.

[Brad Dehler]

Absolutely! Thank you for sharing that with me. So special.

[Ballpark Frank]

This is excellent . Very well written. Most posts that I read are are a chore to read. (My opinion)

It's nice to read something well thought out, well organized, and kinda powerful.

[Mystical Ink]

Thank you for reading, Frankie!