Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty

“In order for the light to shine so brightly, the darkness must be present.” �" Francis Bacon

Ronnie

Ace parked his truck in the furthest parking space from the relatively tall apartment building, and helped me out.  Looking around, it was easy to tell that it wasn’t the most popular place.  There were maybe only twenty cars in the entire lot, all of them parked near the building.  I didn’t really blame them, though.  The parking lot was faded blacktop, the yellow paint almost impossible to see.  It was an older looking building, the red bricks fading in color and cracking.  Looking up, I could see that a few windows were boarded up and fairly small.  No cars went by on the road and no one was moving in or out of the building, which kind of made sense seeing as everyone was either at the fair or sleeping.  There was a creepy alley just yards away from where Ace parked, trash laying everywhere and graffiti on the buildings.  I was so interested in the alley, especially when a loud clang came from it, that I wouldn’t have noticed the instant downpour if it wasn’t for Ace.

“C’mon, we’re gonna get soaked if we stay out here much longer.” Ace put his hand on my lower back and put a little bit of pressure on it, making me look up at him as we stepped away from the truck.  It was already a little late for that…we were already pretty wet.  I ducked my head and rushed to the front door with Ace, his hand still on my lower back.  Water splashed up and soaked the lower leg of my jeans as our feet stomped through the puddles, water also soaking in through my shoes.

The inside hallways were long and narrow, some of the ceiling lights flickering and buzzing.  Colors were fading from the carpeting and the white walls were surprisingly just that: white.  Not fading into yellow or peeling.  My stopping to look around caused Ace to grab my hand and lead me up a few narrow flights of stairs, windows sitting on every other landing.  The carpet was plush under my wet shoes, but I didn’t get to dwell in it, considering we were moving.

“I should probably tell you that I have a dog…” Ace stopped in front of a door and looked at me as he fished in his pockets for keys. “I call her Star.”

“Star?” I didn’t mean to question what he named his dog; it’s just that he didn’t seem like the type to name something that.

“Yeah, it’s short…for Astaroth…” He seemed a little uneasy telling me the full version of the name, and I don’t really know why.  But that name did sound familiar to me…I’ll have to ask Faustus about it later.  Until then…I watched as Ace opened the door and followed him in.

A tall, very skinny, black dog came trotting to the door and froze when it saw me.  The fur on its ears looked stringy, but overall it all looked silky.  Her eyes were narrow, deep brown in color.  But what really caught my attention, were the three steel collars on its neck, the middle one with a small handle on it.  I’ve never seen anything like them before, but I didn’t ask.  Instead, the dog ducked its head and slowly approached me with its tail between its legs and ears back.  When her eyes locked on mine, she stopped and slowly lifted her head, her ears starting to perk up and the tip of her tail starting to wag.  She cocked her head the longer she looked into my eyes and her tail started wagging faster.  I smiled and knelt down, which encouraged her to come up to me and nuzzle my hand.  But she never tried to lick it.

“Well s**t…you’re the first person she’s ever wagged her tail at, other than me, of course.” Ace walked further into his apartment after kicking off his shoes and shook his head to get some of the water out from it.  He turned and looked back at me before stepping around the corner into the kitchen. “Star, go lay down.”

On command, Star turned around and trotted back to whichever room she came from.  As soon as she was out of my sight I stood up and kicked off my shoes before stepping into the living room.  The walls were charcoal gray in color and the plush carpeting was pure white �" not a single stain or water mark in it.  There was a long, black leather couch along the wall, and above it, an opening that allowed me to see into the kitchen, with a black leather Lazy-Boy sitting a few feet to the right of the couch.  A large TV sat in the corner on the opposite side of the room with a shelf of DVDs underneath it.  In the corner to the left of the TV was a medium sized stereo system that looked fairly new and obviously kept in good condition.  In the center of the far wall there was a large window that was not boarded up and that allowed me to see the rain falling outside.  The single hallway was narrow with two rooms branching off of it: bedroom and bathroom.  No lights were on the ceiling in the hall or the living room �" a lamp provided the living room light while the hallway wasn’t long enough to need a light.  At the end of the hallway was a tall bookshelf with aged books filling every space possible.  But, what caught my eye about it was that one book was out of alignment and looked like it was about to fall apart.

I walked down the hall and carefully grabbed the old book.  It was made of old black leather, the bind barely holding together and the cover peeling apart.  Everything about it reminded me of the black book I lost except for two things: it didn’t have the gold strips meeting in the middle and, unlike the one I lost, his had a title that read “Eques Inferno”.  Latin…I didn’t know Latin.  I opened the book and watched as it opened to a marked page.  The words on it were still in Latin on the inside, and I couldn’t read it.

“Need a translation?” Ace’s voice made me jump and turn to look at him.  He grinned down at me when he saw my embarrassment at the surprise, but then just looked down at the book.  I watched as his eyes scanned the page, but then he turned his back to me and started walking down the hall with a beer in hand. “The title is Knight of Hell and as for what it says on the inside there…The King’s honor will fall and chaos will spread throughout the Circles of Hell shall the Prince not rise.  Shall the Prince rise alone, order will not heed him.  Only if he should step forth with their enemy at his side will order commence.  If this Prince should be kind to the fallen King, he will throw him into the River Styx.  Such an act of kindness will be lost in the new eyes of power.  The fallen one shall burn for all eternity.  The power to reign entirely will not be within reach if the enemy is at the Prince’s side, yet with the one his allegiance lies will he then have paramount power.”

I just stared after him with my mouth open in surprise, and casually closed the book and gently set it down on the shelf.  What was more surprising?  That he knew Latin or that he had it memorized?  I followed him into the living room and stepped up next to him by the window.  The rain was coming down hard and lightning flashed in the sky, followed by the rumbling of thunder.  It wasn’t until I crossed my arms that I remembered I was still soaking wet from outside.  And a little cold.  Ace, on the other hand, though he was also soaked, was still radiating heat.  I couldn’t help but shift my weight so I was leaning a little closer to him.

“Cold?”

Before I could answer, Ace handed me his beer and walked away, disappearing down the hall.  I stopped watching him and turned back to the window, taking a drink of his beer.  If anyone found out I went to the fair with Ace tonight, I’d probably get disappointed looks and the whole ‘betrothed to Corin’ speech.  Now, if they found out I was at his house after midnight, then I’d probably get a little more than just looks and that simple speech.  Andie would probably be the only one the least bit cool with me being at Ace’s right now, and, knowing her, she’s probably seen it or is seeing it right now.  She’d be the coolest one about the whole thing.  However, if Trick found out…well…someone will be in a lot of trouble.  Either he’ll beat on Ace and yell at me or he’ll attempt one of those and Andie will then beat on him.  No matter what, we’d have to deal with that damn temper of his.  But thankfully, Andie’s amazing at keeping my secrets.

“Here you are, babe.” Ace came back out by me, and when I turned to look at him, I saw he had a dry T-shirt and sweatshirt in his hand.  He still had on his wet shirt, though it seemed to already have started drying a bit, along with his hair.  His dark eyes dropped from my face to my hand as I took the clothes from him.  I set his beer on the windowsill and couldn’t help but smile when I felt that the warmth of his clothes was just a little weaker than what comes directly from him. “If you need any help changing just let me know.” His eyes met mine again and a wink made me smile a little more.  It wasn’t meant to be encouraging so I ducked my head and found my way to the bathroom.

Once I took off the white sweatshirt he gave me earlier and my tank top, I slipped his gray T-shirt over my head.  The bottom of it ended just above my mid-thigh and it was pretty baggy.  Just its warmth alone made me shudder and it felt really good on my cooled skin.  I then slipped my arms through the black zip-up he gave me and zipped it up halfway, pressing the sleeves against my face.  The sweatshirt smelled like him: warm cinnamon with a very slight hint of some kind of cologne, the combination making me smile.

“So, where did you find that book?” I walked out of the bathroom after hanging the wet sweatshirt on the door.  As for my tank top, I hung it on the main door above my shoes so I wouldn’t forget it when I left.  It felt good to be out of wet shirts and in warm, dry ones.  I felt a little guilty using his clothes, especially with wet hair, but at the same time, I felt better in them.

“Somewhere in an alley a while back.” He turned to face me and watched as I walked towards him, a small, crooked grin playing on his face seeing me drowning in his shirts.  Then he managed to switch topics right away. “So if you weren’t scared, then why did you scream tonight?”

“Um…it’s kind of embarrassing…” I scratched the back of my head and looked away from him.

“I won’t judge.” Moving around me, he set his can of beer on the kitchen counter through the opening in the wall and sat on the couch.  His eyes were fixated on me, his grin still there, as always.  I let out a big sigh and turned so my back was to him, batting my hands against my legs uncertainly.

“Because…you left my side.”

“W-what do you mean by that?  I mean, yeah, you were pulled from me at one point and I was pulled from you, but-”

“Let’s just say…unlike every other slayer in the clan, I get a little uneasy in certain situations.” I gave a nervous laugh and leaned against the window, keeping my eyes focused on the floor.  Andie was the only person I’d ever tell a big secret to, and now I was trying to tell someone else one. “It’s embarrassing to admit, but being alone and around the mutilation of people, or even just in a fight where people are dying, I get really uneasy.  I’ve come to really depend on the closeness we’re raised in, believe it or not.  We’re raised and kept together because it’s safe.”

“And…why is that embarrassing?  I mean, everyone needs family and friends around, so it’s really no big deal.”

“To humans, it’s no big deal.  But for a slayer…we need to be able to function and fight normally, no matter what situation we’re put in.  Show no fear, no sadness, no pride, no anger…nothing.  We need to show as little emotion as possible so they don’t find out what triggers emotions from us.  We have to be able to brush off and ignore everything they do and say so we can kill them.  A slayer being afraid to be alone in a fight…that’s pathetic.  The only reason I’m okay with fighting something on my own in a big ambush is because others are around me �" everyone is still there to have my back and keep me in check.”

“Aren’t slayers supposed to be prepared to die, though?  I mean, yeah, I can see why they wouldn’t want to, but they know the line of work they’re up against and they wouldn’t really be successful if they weren’t willing to die for it.”

“Oh, I’m willing to die for my family.  Am I afraid to die?  Kinda, yeah.  But I’d rather it be me than anyone else.  So it’s not so much as being unprepared to die so much as being afraid to lose my humanity.  In our line of work, it’s so easy to lose it and become a danger to everyone.  Especially when we’re fighting in areas where the humanity is lacking.  Just having someone by our side is reassurance that we aren’t alone and that no one will let us slip.” I glanced up at Ace and saw a thoughtful expression on his face as he kept his eyes on me. “And…sometimes…I have the very rare thought that…maybe…that’s what’s wrong with demons.  They aren’t there for each other, and they just let each other go on rampages and just…kill.  Remorse and control and…humanity aren’t taught or supported among them.  No one cares about what happens to each other.  And…because of that, I start to actually feel bad for them a little bit.  But then, that short thought and tiny bit of sympathy vanishes and I realize that they don’t do what they do from the lack of exposure to humanity and the lack of support of emotions.  They enjoy what they do.  Killing and eating people…it’s fun to them and they find humor in it.  They’re created that way.  They willingly spend their time in Hell, where humanity doesn’t exist and all that does is torture.  So, when I remember that they choose to bring the torture they see with them, I stop feeling empathy and I don’t pity them.  I don’t feel anything for them.”

Ace stood up and walked up to me, his expression making it clear that he was processing and trying to understand what I’ve just said.  He leaned against the window with me and crossed his arms over his chest, standing close to me.  Looking into his eyes, I could see him trying to sort out thoughts and figure out how to say something.  His mouth was slightly open and his attention was, at first, focused out the window, and when he looked at me, I could feel goosebumps prickling along my arms under the sweatshirt sleeves.  His onyx eyes were soft and the sincerity that filled them was almost…breathtaking.  I didn’t think he would be capable of an expression like that and the fact that he was showing it really got my attention.

“Do you think that,” he started after taking in a short, sharp breath and changing his position so that he was leaning more on the window with one arm propped above his head on the window and the other at his side, “it’s possible for a demon to be…good?  Maybe not right away, but do you think they can change?” His question surprised me.  I thought he was going to ask a question more related to what I said about be willing to die and not lose my humanity, not about my view on the possibility of a demon being able change.  Because of that, it took me a little bit to figure out what I could say in response to his question.  I stood up straighter and let out a sigh as I averted my attention out at the rain.

“That’s…tricky to answer.  I mean, the logical and slayer part of me says there is absolutely no chance.  A demon is created to be evil and violent and…pretty much to be a psychopath.  All we know and all we’re taught is that they do not and cannot feel any emotion but anger and pride.  No sadness, no guilt, no true happiness, no gratitude, and definitely no love.  If they were capable of any of that, they wouldn’t be killing and eating people.  They don’t care about others or how their actions have an effect on everyone.  They’re selfish and only care about their own well-being, barely.  The sad thing is though…they live in fear.  They’re truly afraid of their leader.  I couldn’t answer if they respect him, but they do fear him.  I guess that makes sense as to why they focus on saving their own hides over anyone else’s.” I looked up at him, my voice as serious and as matter of fact as it could get.  The uncertainty in Ace’s eyes turned into surprise and his body tensed as he straightened up more, as if it would help him focus on what I was saying more.  “But the other part of me says that maybe there is a chance.  Everyone can change, so why not demons too?  And…if it wasn’t for his parents…Trick wouldn’t be here.  His dad’s a demon and his mom is a slayer.  They wouldn’t do anything to hurt each other.  But, on the other hand, my aunt fell in love with the one I was fighting in the alley the other day, got pregnant, but when the others found out, they told her she had to kill him.  In the end…the demon wound up killing both her and the baby.  That’s why that’s hard to answer…based on the knowledge I have on both sides, either one can seem possible.” I shrugged and glanced back out the window. “The weird thing is…I believe everyone is born good…kids are born good.  Their hearts are pure and innocent; they only act by pure animal instinct, until they develop logic and reason.  But demons…I don’t believe that about them.  I can’t.”

“I understand.” Ace’s voice was quiet and gentle, his hand cupping the side of my face as he made me look at him.  His touch was warm and gentle, my immediate reaction involving nothing more than me relaxing into his hand with a small smile.

Ace

The second that question came out of my mouth was the exact same second I realized that, for whatever reason, I actually cared about her opinion.  I wanted to know if she thought it was possible, if there was any hope for me to be what I would have to become if I wanted to stay around her.  The beginning of her answer to the question was very blunt and, if I was sensitive I’d say a little harsh, but at the same time, it was true.  We do live in fear, only protecting our own asses.  What we go through in Hell is what forces us to leave our emotions behind, otherwise we’d never survive.  We carry that with us when we come to the surface.  She’s got valid points on the other end though, about the difference between Trick’s parents and her aunt’s story.  The only flaw is that, even though she believes everyone is born good…some demons don’t start off as humans, so they never get the opportunity to start with a clean slate of good.  Like me, some of us were created and immediately given an evil slate to live off of.  We weren’t given a chance at anything other than killing.  I guess that’s where my question sprung from: if one was never given the clean slate, would they still be able to change.

Looking at her now, face resting in my palm, eyes closed, I wanted to test the waters.  To see if it were possible for a demon like me to change, or to at least feel something.  I’ve never felt anything affectionate or sad, the only ‘happiness’ I’ve known was experienced from killing and torturing, and I don’t even know if that could be considered ‘happiness’ now that I’ve experienced what it feels like to be around someone that makes me feel like she does.  I hardly even notice other demons’ presence when I’m around her, which is incredible considering I’m usually so sensitive to the feeling.  That might get me in trouble one day, but I’m willing to deal with the consequences of it later.

I was just about to lean in closer to her when I felt it.  I was being called down to Hell.  My body started to tingle and my hands started to shake a little bit at the same time that I started to feel light headed.  The spot where my heart’s supposed to be burned and throbbed, vibrating in my chest.  S**t!  There’s no way I can go into a different room and arrive in Hell while she’s still here, it’d take too much time to come back.  And I couldn’t kick her out because, one, it was raining and two, I was her ride.  All I could do was try to resist it, so I stepped away from her, removing my hand from her cheek, and walked into the kitchen.  My beer was still sitting on the counter so I went out of my way to finish it off, trying to keep my mind off the Call I was receiving.  I even looked at my phone and saw I had messages from Zona.

Are you with that slayer?

You better not do anything stupid Ace!

Remember the job!

Why did you lie to Vince?? Where r u guys??

Did u go back to your place?

I just deleted the messages and looked at my calls.  She called me half a dozen times between the drive to the fairgrounds and getting to my apartment.  Guess I didn’t feel my phone vibrating.  Setting my phone back on the counter I glanced up and caught my reflection in the microwave at the same time I felt the tension growing behind my eyes.  My true eyes were taking appearance and I couldn’t stop it.  The burning in my chest almost doubled in strength.  Then my phone starting going off, and glancing at it I saw that it was Zona again.  I gritted my teeth together and ignored her call, bowing my head, squeezing my eyes shut as tight as I could.  If I could just get my true eyes to stay away, I could function in front of Ronnie.  Hopefully.  If I didn’t respond to Accursius’s call, the intensity would only increase until he practically forcefully pulls me down, which is both painful and humiliating, because then I’m getting scolded like a five-year old.

“Ace?  Are you okay?” Ronnie’s voice made me lift my head and acted like a treatment for my true eyes.  The tension in my head started to fade, and thankfully it was quickly because she was making her way to the kitchen.  I took a breath and decided to try the only thing I could think of that would help the Call to go away.  If being near her helps numb it out a little bit and helps me in holding it off until a more convenient time, this should help tremendously.

“Yeah just stop right there for a second.” I knew just where she was: she was near the entrance to the hallway, just a few steps from the entry into the kitchen.  The reflection showed my eyes were back to normal, although my chest was still burning and my hands were still shaking.  If anything more so than they were.  Again, my phone started vibrating on the counter top, but I pushed the button to ignore it and walked out of the kitchen.  Ronnie was standing where I told her to stop, her hair still damp and framing her concern filled face.  Her eyes contained brown: worried, as she watched me round the corner. “Don’t slap me.”

“Oka-” I cut her off when I cupped her face and kissed her as if walking up to her and closing the space was all in one, fluid motion.  No hesitation, no break, no time for her to say anything more.  I knew I caught her completely off guard, but I didn’t have much time to waste going through the whole ‘consent’ and ‘gentleman’ thing.  I pulled back and looked her in the eye.  Sure enough, her expression was that of complete surprise, the colors pink: happy and affectionate, and purple: joyful and ecstasy, were in her eyes.  I could hear her heart pounding in her chest, and if I had one, I’m sure mine would be also.

Before I could say anything she moved in and placed her lips on mine, cool and soft, her touch light as she rested her hand over my left breast.  Then all too quickly she pulled away and looked up at me through her long eyelashes.  Now there was no additional color in her eyes, they were pure once again.  But her hand was still touching the spot over my tattoo and it was sending the strangest feeling through my body.  It sent a tingling sensation, stronger than the one from the Call, bringing a slight shock, although that only lasted a split second.  The feeling only got stronger when I let my hands fall to her waist.  It was like touching an electric fence, only it wasn’t painful.  It was as though there was the warm current flowing through my body, and based on her expression it was going through her as well.  So I did the only thing I could think of doing at that moment.

I kissed her again.