Tear Drop Stars

I was born with stars in my eyes 

curiosity that bloomed like fresh roses

laughter that gave way to day 

hope that grew as high as trees

energy that dazzled even the fastest of animals 

but somewhere on my way up

I lost it all.

Energy gave way to a sluggish walk

Hope decayed from an every growing summer to fall

laughter silenced by darkness

Curiosity transformed into remembrance

and the stars

the stars morphed into tears

and ran down sullen cheeks

until the only stars left, were the ones that hung helplessly high in the ever darkening night sky.

Author's Note

eh

Reviews

[Kelsey Schadt]

Wow! I really think you captured a common experience, the loss of what makes us, us! I love how you ended, with the stars in your eyes, dropping out as tears. I think that is a really moving image. I work with high school aged students and I hear parents worry about this issue all the time, their children who were once so vibrant have dulled, lost their motivation. Your writing will move a large audience. Impressive! One suggestion would be in your line "Energy gave way to a sluggish walk." Everywhere else you use such strong, vivid verbs. Your use of "gave way" does match up with the rest of your writing. Just a suggestion!

[Khawaja Musadiq]

Bri, this piece is a good one. GoodJob!

[Writer at last! Sky ~]

This is a very beautiful piece of work, it really took me down into the lane of memories. I see you have been very fair while expressing your views. Thanks for sharing!

[louwilding]

i like this piece, it puts me in mind of my sister and how i think she sometimes feels about the world. i can see like the picture it paints. very good :)