Sounds a bit like shel silverstien. Simple, but if you were going for that then that's fine. You state the theme and it is a lot of build up- perhaps too much? Some wording is a bit awk. It doesnt need to always rhyme. i like the idea behind it, but it seems a little repetitive. revise and its a great poem
Posted 9 Years Ago
2 of 2 people found this review constructive.
9 Years Ago
Thanks for the comments, as far as Shel Silverstien I wasn't sure, after research I actually bought .. read moreThanks for the comments, as far as Shel Silverstien I wasn't sure, after research I actually bought several of his books from my son. way back when my son was still a child. Thanks for your review.
that's the 64-thousand-dollar question. we definitely need a new genius to work out this elusive equation.
this is a great one Brian! bravo!
I did maths at school back in the day but I don't remember half the names you mentioned :)
Posted 9 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
9 Years Ago
Thank you Woody, I forgotten many myself, thank God for Google :-)
Thanks man, I do wish you luck. My take is EVERYONE wants to change the world, I just want to change.. read moreThanks man, I do wish you luck. My take is EVERYONE wants to change the world, I just want to change MY world, one person at a time. For every single person you can open their eyes and change their ways is one more toward us all reaching this goal. Thanks bro.
9 Years Ago
It's not so hard for people like us to change our world, we both live in 'relatively' comfortable pa.. read moreIt's not so hard for people like us to change our world, we both live in 'relatively' comfortable parts of the globe after all. Not saying for a second that our countries have no room for improvement because they most certainly do. Personally for me it's a challenge to want to only change only my world. While in the back of my mind I know there are so many others who are experiencing deep levels of inescapable suffering. The guilt from that kind of knowledge used to once upset me, now I use it to empower me. I decided to dream big, one which holds everyone in mind. People will think I am crazy and maybe some will even condemn me, truth is I don't care. All I care about is seeing change. I refuse to believe this world is the best we have to offer. I have a lifetime to try and win this fight and I can tell you I am deeply committed to it. I am aware many others have similar goals in mind also. Hopefully our paths can converge into one and we can work together to achieve peace in this world. You're right though, one person at a time, one day at a time. ;)
9 Years Ago
So true my friend, if you have Netflix or access to it watch a documentary called "Livingononedollar.. read moreSo true my friend, if you have Netflix or access to it watch a documentary called "Livingononedollar" it is so true and shows how small changes make such big impacts in poverty areas
This is very clever my friend - it has wit and intelligent charm and a serious message contained within it too - it can't fail to endear itself to me. Very well crafted with tight rhymes goodness knows how many theorems you had to try out to fit them in a neat package like this.
The World Peace quandry ending - brings us back sweetly to the "missing equation" title and the "unknown equation" subtitle. In my opinion this is your best yet Brian. :))
Posted 9 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
9 Years Ago
Thank You so much ANTO, it means a lot coming from you. I appreciate it.
STARTED COLLEGE AND SUPER BUSY TAKING SMALL BREAK !! WRITE ON MY FRIENDS
Brian B. 41 yr old male, wanna be writer, Louisville, Ky. I am a sucker for stories/poems of struggle and tough times, especia.. more..