Episode 8 What to do about dad

Robert and his older sister Susan decide to do what they can to help their dad with his drinking problem.

In early 1984, Robert is excited to be a senior in high school, working several days per week at Target, and enjoying a growing social life.  Robert is now over six feet tall, is growing in self confidence, is dating, and spending more time with friends.  He's just purchased a used car and is becoming more outgoing and self reliant.

One part of Robert's life that is not going well is his relationship with his father. Robert loves his father, they're good friends.  But since the divorce, Mel has been drinking more and more, and is now not able to keep regular employment.  Robert has become his fathers protector from the rest of the family.  When someone in the family complains or says something negative about dad, Robert will defend his dad and remind everyone of how much dad loves his family.  

For the past few years, Mel has been living about 20 miles away from his family in the city of Eagan. Mel comes by to visit his kids on weekends since he has only limited rights to see the kids as Jeannie has full custody. At this point five of the six children shared by Jeannie and Mel are adults. Three of the six children do not want to see their dad. They object to his excessive drinking, or they blame him for the divorce.

On a weekday in April,  Robert's older sister Susan, who is now married and living a few miles away, has a serious talk with Robert.  “Robert, dad's drinking is out of control.”    Roberts is stunned.  “What do you mean by that?”  Susan explains how bad the drinking has gotten and how dad is now close to being homeless.  “He isn't even our dad right now.  And if he doesn't get things under control he could die.”  Robert can barely breathe, but he manages to say,  “What can we do?”  

Susan explains how she has talked with numerous family members, friends of dads, and some of his colleagues.  Everyone seems to be aware that Mel is not functioning well. He has developed a reputation around the area of being an alcoholic who at times has a short temper. He's also lost a few jobs lately and is close to being evicted from his apartment. “He’s simply not being reasonable Robert. I feel like I have become the adult in my relationship with him.” 

Robert tells his sister that he hasn't seen dad much lately, but their phone conversations have been strange and it's been obvious to Robert that his dad is drinking a lot. Robert never speaks negatively of his father, but it's heartbreaking to him to know that his dad is so far away from the father that Robert has always known, loved, and respected.

“Again, Susan. What do we do?”  

“Well, we need to do something. This can't go on. He's our dad. We need to step in.”   

Robert feels helpless as he starts to cry. “This doesn't even seem real.’

“We need to consider committing him to a mental health center. There is no other option. It could save him.”

“You want to lock him up?”  Robert's question goes unanswered.

Over the next few months Robert and his older sister meet with counselors, mental health professionals, and friends of Mel’s and others in their attempt to involuntarily commit Mel. They ask as many friends of Mel’s as they can find to step up and give opinions as well.  Of course, Mel is against this idea.

Finally, Susan and Robert are asked to attend a meeting with the administrator of the mental health facility in Anoka, Minnesota. In this meeting, the administrator Dr. Colter spells out the reasons why Mel shouldn't be admitted to his facility.  During the meeting Susan, John (a caring, longtime friend of Mels), a nurse who has worked with Mel, and (reluctantly) Robert, all state the reasons why this commitment is for the best for Mel long term.  John, while stating his case for involuntary commitment, says: “Mel is already here right now.  He’s been here previously for shorter stays to deal with his alcoholism. We need to just keep him here. The counseling he will get could be what he needs.”

Robert notices that heads are nodding and this appears to be what makes this commitment happen.  Robert excuses himself from the meeting to go to the restroom. To his shock, he sees his dad, wearing a patient's robe, waiting near the office looking right at him.  OMG  We are meeting to decide his immediate future against his will. What will he say to me?

Robert freezes looking at his dad.  Mel approaches his son and humbly smiles at Robert.  He puts his hand on Robert's shoulder and says kindly, “I know you'll do the right thing Robert.  I love you.”  All Robert can manage with his heart pounding and his mouth dry is a quiet, “Ok dad.”  Robert is barely able to keep his emotions in check.

When Robert returns to the meeting Dr. Colter surprisingly says to Robert, “So how did that go Robert?”  A few others murmur something about how hard that must have been for him to talk with his dad at this point.  Again, to Robert's surprise, Dr. Colter walks to the office door and states matter of factly, “Let's have a chat with Melroy.”    

A minute later Dr. Colter returns with Mel.  Robert has no idea that his dad would be joining the meeting.  Dr Colter seems to have an attitude about this whole situation so Robert finds himself becoming numb. Robert is annoyed as Dr Colter talks to his dad as more of a mental patient than as a grown man. Dr Colter continues to call his dad Melroy, which is a name that Mel doesn’t like and normally doesn't put up with.

By the end of the meeting it is decided that the recommendation will be that Mel is admitted involuntarily to Anoka State Mental Health Center for a period of six months. This recommendation will have to go before a judge who will either sign off on it, or he won't.  Dr Colter states that in his opinion it will go through.

Over the next few months Robert works as much as he can knowing that college starts in the fall and he will need spending money. He has decided to attend a small college several hours away in northern Minnesota. Robert realizes that the reason for this five hour away college choice has to do with getting away from everything.  Robert feels bad about his role in his dad's commitment, but he knows that his dad will probably be released before the six months are over with.

Over the entire academic year Robert only communicates with his dad one time.  He receives a letter from his dad in early January telling Robert that his older car, a Dodge Palara, has been repaired and will be ready to be driven the next time Robert comes home for a visit.  Robert is surprised and impressed.   I can't believe dad got out of the mental health center after less than four months, and he has even made enough money to repair my car?  And he doesn't seem mad at me?

Reviews

[Ayvid N]

Mel is a good man and a good father and I'm sad he is going through such a test. We all have weaknesses and his is an addiction that is treatable so I hope he comes out winning this one. That he was out in less than 4 months and already doing stuff for his son shows how good and thoughtful a dad he is and he certainly deserves a second chance. Robert may feel guilty getting him committed but in the long run, he is doing his dad a favor. This is a story of genuinely nice people caught in trying life situations.

Kudos for the great storytelling Frankie. I hope you add more chapters to this book some day soon. 🙋‍♀️

[Franky]

Divya, this means a lot to me. Thank you.

[Ayvid N]

I absolutely enjoyed each of these Chapters, Frankie. You are most welcome.

[Franky]

I feel good now. Thank you. I needed your encouragement. I'll start writing again now. I try to get into a serious, intent mood before I write about Robert since it's such a sad situation after all, and basically I'm an upbeat content person!

[Ayvid N]

The story of Robert you've written so far is a very compelling read. I feel it deserves to be completed. So it would be great if you do and really appreciated.

[emmajoygreen]

Your story has taken off, a complete and utter change for Mel, Plus a dreadful and formal decision by Robertm Susan, etc., to have their father put under medical protection. Is that or the worst happen to him. Written without theatrics, the truth and nothing but. You appear to have calm and precise plans for the flow of this sadness.

[Franky]

Awesome reaction my friend. I love when readers try and read into this craziness. Lol

[Samuel Dickens]

As my family is/was full of alcoholics and drug users, I can understand the sad situation Robert finds himself in. Mel definitely needs help, so hopefully the hospital stay will provide permanent results. I wish him luck.

[Franky]

Thanks Sam! This is a very emotional situation for many, many families.

[Sara Mercury]

I'm suspicious of Mel. I've known my share of drunks, and it's not in their nature to shape up so fast! Hmmm...

[Franky]

Mel is going to.be a strong one though. That's my plan anyway.