The inevitable

A man is finally able to express himself to his lady love.

Words! So many words! I was finally able to say

Nearly able to keep my emotions at bay

'What a relief!' I thought as my words flowed and flowed

I had gone to her private room Her humble abode

I feared her response Her reaction to my heart

But she stayed true to form. Such a sweetheart

Breathing and composure A constant battle

However, I charged ahead Pedal to the medal

I needed her to know Of my thoughts and feelings

Waiting any longer would have been oh so unappealing

You told me of your situation Very confusing

I confessed to you my own Not any less bemusing

Where do we go from here I asked so tenderly

You told me of our (limited) options Not wanting to hurt me

I left you right after My feelings now expressed

With all my romantic words You probably felt pressed

Sleep was difficult to get Later on that night

I so hoped you wanted me too, or that you just might

Our next steps are so unclear, not at all obvious

Although my emotions are spent Our future is still ambiguous

Our spending the next day together, was strange yet wonderful

You went back to being yourself How so very loveable

 

Reviews

[Rana]

Hi Franky,

Thanks for sharing this poem :) I enjoyed the rhyme scheme-- something I always tend to shy away from when writing my own poems. I think the short couplets matched the content of the poem very well, made it almost breathless like the narrator seems to be at his confession/ expression.
I do agree with Lisa though, perhaps the use of punctuation would make the lines stronger through a forced pause or moment to ponder.

- Kata

[Ballpark Frank]

Thank you kata. I really appreciate you taking the time. I wrote this in 2005 when I was a stupid man! Lol

[Glenda]

Franky, you were never stupid. Love and passion, they are the ultimate drug. Nobody can fight the effects.

Now, the review: How you are able to rhyme throughout and still keep to a story is so great! I get all confused just trying to do one or the other. This is perfect!

[Ballpark Frank]

You are too kind. Thank you though. 😊

[Gaia Octavia]

The use of closed couplets here works on multiple levels. Not only does it evoke togetherness/couples/pairs, but the reader reads 2 lines at a time, pausing in between like a breathless speaker,forcing the words out. Well done!

[Ballpark Frank]

You are helpful and an en encouragement to me. Thank you!

[Gaia Octavia]

P.S. the last couplet is especially tender and I loved it.

[Ballpark Frank]

Thank you my new friend. That means a lot

[Rachel Fitzgerald-Feele..]

The courage...the urgency...the vulnerability...the uncertainty...the relief. All speak volumes as I read through this piece. Well done 👏

[Ballpark Frank]

Wow! Thank you! You nailed it. Everything I was feeling you just expressed. I'm impressed Rachel. This write was very real for me.

[Rachel Fitzgerald-Feeley]

I'm only happy I came back on and had a read of a few poems. It was a pleasure to leave a review. You reviewed my last piece of writing a year ago or so...

[Ballpark Frank]

You're very encouraging. Thank you.

[Silmara McGarry]

Wooooow taking a second to breathe...lol ..
How Beautifully romantic and so sincere in feelings and the emotional energy of the words truly felt by your readers 🤍
I love it!!!
I hope all is well with you dear Frankie!
Blessings
:-)

[Ballpark Frank]

Thank you from my heart Silmara.....this was so intense and heartbreaking. I was deeply in love and needed to express it or I would lose my mind. She was sweet but honest in putting the brakes on. I was disappointed....

[Silmara McGarry]

You are most welcome dearest!
And hey .....I hope if not already with you a next beautiful Love embrace all your being in bliss, contentment and Peace 🕊️

[Ballpark Frank]

I so hope to find her. That would be sweet.

[Androglossia]

There are times when we doubt everything. At the end of the day it's about how much you can bear, how much you can endure. Your poem was letting me read like it has punctuation in it. Then I realized it doesn't. And that's a good craft.

[Ballpark Frank]

Thank you so much! I'm thrilled you took the time and offered a positive, helpful review. I'm not really a poet so this means a lot.

[Dilan Gray]

This is such a sweet poem, I really enjoyed it. The pace and flow are perfect and I love how you can feel the emotional rollercoaster of getting up the courage to tell someone how you feel, even if you’re uncertain they will reciprocate. Beautifully written.

[Ballpark Frank]

Thank you!!
This is about a real (past) situation too. I wrote it late at night at a hotel in Washington DC. Whew! So many emotions.

[Dilan Gray]

A lot of my writing ideas tend to come either late at night or early in the morning, basically when I’m drifting in that space between sleep and awake.

[MoriartyMesa]

"You told me of your situation Very confusing

I confessed to you my own Not any less bemusing"

That is real poetry.................Ty

[Ballpark Frank]

You are too kind. This was my few attempts at trying poetry. 😊

[Fabian G. Franklin]

Too many words, indeed. My dear departed mother used to always say, "Don't tell me you love me, show me." Words are cheap as they (whoever they are) say. Love is hard work, responsibility and sacrifice, and people actually want to "fall" into that. Unbelievable. Some people confuse love with lust, desire and hormones. Poor fools. They "fall" into a trap instead. It might be better to fall into a running buzz saw. When will they (whoever they are) ever learn?

[Ballpark Frank]

Goodness! Somehow I missed this thoughtful review. I'm sorry. Excellent thoughts from you. I appreciate that.

[Lisasview]

I see that you corrected the tenses and that is great and does make reading your words much much better.
I do feel however that the use of punctuation would make your lines stronger.
Without punctuation one just reads through your poem without a minute to sit and ponder.
There is so much that is good about this and that is why I am reviewing and making some comments...
Lisa

[Ballpark Frank]

Thanks so much Lisa for reading and reviewing! Appreciate your thoughts.

[Lisasview]

You are always welcome..
Lisa

[Ballpark Frank]

I'm honored that you spend the time. Thanks again.

[Lisasview]

You are most welcome...