Sonnet 2: Why in her absence doth.....?

My second sonnet....just getting addicted to it..

Why in her absence doth the life appears 

As a void of her,a vacant wilderness?

Even while thy memories rip my fears

yet the abashed mind wouldn't digress.

Thy smile,missed like the flight of fireflies

As the world were empty of thine loveliness,

I miss the heaven that lives inside your eyes. 

as splurging love and sorrow coalesce.

But thy love for me,yet to flow

stilleth espoused in the poetic muse of my poetry 

bleaker heart might shine in earthly glow, 

suspended by rain in thou ecstatic blustery. 

So I am going down in gravity,all my words stuck in a tone 

my orphaned words blurr,as thou and me live alone.

Reviews

[Miss Alicia]

I like the old english used in this

[SHEEMA HUQ]

I kind of like old language made accessible, and you have achieved this...did you mean ecstatic bluster?
Thanks

[Balkaran Sidhu]

yeah.....had to be blustery to make it rhyme...thnx for the review

[Manpreet]

Even while thy memories rip my fears

yet the abashed mind wouldn't digress.

Thy smile,missed like the flight of fireflies

As the world were empty of thine loveliness,

I miss the heaven that lives inside your eyes.
Lines with loads of emotions make this piece just perfect!

[The Refined Poet]

for your second try, this is nice...

[patricia]

Some good lines in this. It has depth and vision. A few lines would benefit from grammar changes....should it be...Why in her absence doth life appear.?
My favourite line was.."as splurging love and sorrow coalesce."

[Balkaran Sidhu]

thnx adventure

[quinfinn]

a few minor spell and syntax errors, but wordsearch will fix that.....i think this is utterly beautiful, well done!

[Felicity's Eve]

I absolutely love this and the flow of your words is fantastic! :)

[Balkaran Sidhu]

thnx nora

[Felicity's Eve]

^^

[Michael Kevin Spencer]

This is quite fine!

However I noticed that the last line of each stanza sometimes is weaker than the start of them?

the 6th and last line are my favorites ;

[Marie]

I'm glad to see you getting on with your sonnets. YOu will learn soonto express yourself perfectly in this language. I must point out that the wording of "yet the abashed mind swarms into a mess" could be better. Shakespear would not have used the word :mess:, which is modern English. Suggest something like "while the mind is clothes in sorrow's dress"...

[Balkaran Sidhu]

Indeed...i now realise that....thanx for the suggestion and thanx for the review.. :)

[Divine Pen]

Aww this is so beautiful...m sure william would have loved it...nd you're first sonnet was really gud too....great poetry

[Balkaran Sidhu]

Oh thank you so much :)