Oh My love When I am without you I am like a writer without any word I am like a poet without any imagery I am like a song that nobody heard.
Oh My love When I am without you I am like a body without a soul I am like a painting without any colour I am like a human without any goal.
Oh My love When I am without you I am like a forest without any trees I am like a planet with no star I am like a honeycomb without any bees.
Oh my love When I am without you I am like a voice without any sound I am like a secret that nobody keeps I am like a thing once lost,never found.
Oh my love When I am without you I am like a warrior much too afraid to fight I am like a bird without his wings I am like a day without a night.
Oh My love When I am without you I am like a cloud that will never rain I am like a word with no meaning I am like a foodcrop with no grain.
May you always remember one thing What little that I can give I will give it all to you Your my one true love.
And I am nothing without you So I surrender myself to you give me the privilege of being yours I will always love you in all ways and I will never run away from these chores.
Nice poem Balkaran...i love the comparison and i find it lovely though the last stanza i feel like it is something we read a lot thus sounds sort of so ordinary...you know what makes a poem interesting is when you read something that you were not expecting...it adds the thrill...but in general this is a lovely poem...
i think you pretty much covered all the tangible parameters, honestly expressed and
nicely written, one thing distracts me from the flow and imagery and it is the last word "chores" i mean, call me crazy but, i don't know any woman who would consider your respect for her to be a chore...if you can find a sweeter word or a whole sentence it would, in my humble opinion, deliver the "gotcha" much more easily and with more meaning and flow....i love this poem
Posted 12 Years Ago
12 Years Ago
I think using the word "chores" gives the poem a piquant flavor. Though Dr. Wood may be right. It mi.. read moreI think using the word "chores" gives the poem a piquant flavor. Though Dr. Wood may be right. It might be best to leave the last verse off entirely. And rework the second to last something like this: May you always remember one thing/all I have I give to you/ for without you there is nothing to give.
12 Years Ago
ya perhaps i ll have to rework some things....thanx for the review
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Poetry Anthology- http://www.amazon.com/Divided-Seven-Billion-Balkaran-Singh-ebook/dp/B00KQ3668Q/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&sr=&qid=
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