I wonder when I will stop childishly believing things will get better? Maybe when the word 'love' regains meaning to me. Or when I finally realize that my family will realize that even when I laugh or smile I still want to cry deep inside. So maybe never, but it's not like it matters. Why do his words hurt me? I don't understand, he obviously doesn't care enough to see that I cry every time I laugh and for every smile comes a frown? I guess I'll be fine since I have a deadbeat dad still, and I guess that makes her look like an angel. But the golden pedestal that I put her on must be paid for with my own blood. Somebody please take me underwater. Take me and hold me underwater. Mom, why the f**k did you leave me b***h? With him? What the hell were you thinking? Is this some f*****g sick joke that you have been playing on me for a YEAR? Or are you just that bad off that you want to harvest my tears? You creep into my dreams and turn them into nightmares and you left me with the one man who doesn't care enough to get up to comfort his hysterical daughter? You f*****g sick a*****e! F**k you! F**k you b***h! I hate you! Why didn't you take me with you you selfish son of a motherfucking b***h? What did I do to deserve this from you? You f*****g b***h… why mom? I miss you both mommy and daddy. I am still your little girl, I will do anything for you to come back. I promise I will never grow up if you help me. HELP ME, C**T. I f*****g knew you loved me, I knew you were poor, why the f**k else do you think I refused to let you spend all your hard earned money on s**t I didn't need? I wanted to help you mommy. I hope you hear me daddy. I hope you drown me. DO IT P***Y. Do it… I hope you hear me. I'm sick of this... End me...