You are pushing the boundaries of your poetic knowledge with each passing poem. I had to familiarise myself with the format of a Kyrielle.
It is a very well executed piece. One small note: your second line has nine syllables.....sa-vi-or is a three syllable word.
Otherwise, a neatly designed and formulated poem. Nicely done, Bala.
Posted 7 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
7 Years Ago
Thank you for your visit and very kind words, Doodley. I appreciate your observation. But I read Sav.. read moreThank you for your visit and very kind words, Doodley. I appreciate your observation. But I read Savior as two syllable word ( Sav-ior). Hence I used it. May be next time around I have to be more careful about my choice of words.
Thanks again for this constructive review.
Not familiar with this form, but your rhyme & rhythm are banging on this one. I love the way you weave together many variations on "bow" . . . all the while drawing word pictures that summon the posture you're describing in our imaginations. I love the opening stanza, since I often look up & give thanks thru-out the day as I happen upon the lovely natural delights in my days (((HUGS)))
Posted 7 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
7 Years Ago
Thank you Margie, for your visit and appeciation. This one began with the refrain as i wondered how .. read moreThank you Margie, for your visit and appeciation. This one began with the refrain as i wondered how we all have our unique ways of saluting and showing love and grattitude.
I always find a great connection between feelings and words in your poetry, B ...I have learnt a lot from from your thoughts and intent behind your writings and the way you wrote this had the same impact on me. Everyone is unique in showing gratitude and the way you show it can be very well understood from this piece.
Act of bowing is a way of expression that shows how you respect different things and virtues in life. Sometimes it shows your way of conduct too.
I loved it :-) :-)
Quite different from other topics. There is so much in this to contemplate on.
Keep writing more and more on different genres of poetry. In future I will look up to your poems for my inspiration.
Posted 7 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
7 Years Ago
Thank you Manu for visiting and encouraging with your kind words. I agree with your words. We all ha.. read moreThank you Manu for visiting and encouraging with your kind words. I agree with your words. We all have our unique ways. I miss your work here and look forward to your writes.
Thank you for reading into the poem and enjoying it.
Keep visiting and encouraging me.
You are pushing the boundaries of your poetic knowledge with each passing poem. I had to familiarise myself with the format of a Kyrielle.
It is a very well executed piece. One small note: your second line has nine syllables.....sa-vi-or is a three syllable word.
Otherwise, a neatly designed and formulated poem. Nicely done, Bala.
Posted 7 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
7 Years Ago
Thank you for your visit and very kind words, Doodley. I appreciate your observation. But I read Sav.. read moreThank you for your visit and very kind words, Doodley. I appreciate your observation. But I read Savior as two syllable word ( Sav-ior). Hence I used it. May be next time around I have to be more careful about my choice of words.
Thanks again for this constructive review.
Much too often we drown in our own agonies and glee that we completely forget that patriotism is also a love that is hidden somewhere deep down in our hearts.
Pardon me if my connotation of the poem is not accurate. But,your words revived that untold, unexpressed patriotism in me. At the same time, it made me feel ashamed realizing that as selfish as life can get, I have cocooned my love and my motherland is not inside the cocoon.
I owe you a thank for bringing back this realization. Thank you.
Posted 7 Years Ago
7 Years Ago
Thank you for reading and appreciating this write, Fahmida. I am glad that you liked it.
I th.. read moreThank you for reading and appreciating this write, Fahmida. I am glad that you liked it.
I think words can never adequately express our gratitude and love. Still we try.
You have read very well between and beyond the lines of this write making me feel blessed because that is what we expect at our subtle level.
Thank you very much for visiting.
A powerful message penned so elegantly .... you certainly did an excellent job writing this in Kyrielle form!
Posted 7 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
7 Years Ago
Thank you for visiting and leaving your precious words for me, Hebe. Your visits are always apprecia.. read moreThank you for visiting and leaving your precious words for me, Hebe. Your visits are always appreciated.
I loved how you conveyed a strong message in such a beautiful form. Kyrielle is indeed a great one. My favourite stanza has to be the first one. I liked the refrain line as well.
Nicely penned, Bala 👍
Posted 7 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
7 Years Ago
The first kyrielle I read was yours. Thank you for that piece that inspired me.
Thank you fo.. read moreThe first kyrielle I read was yours. Thank you for that piece that inspired me.
Thank you for your visit and the continuous support and encouraging words.
I'm honoured that I could be an inspiration, though it really was Richard in the first place who int.. read moreI'm honoured that I could be an inspiration, though it really was Richard in the first place who introduced me.
You're welcome, Bala. Always a pleasure reading your works 😊
7 Years Ago
That is how we all Learn and improv. Thanks to the inspiration here on the cafe.
Ahh!, that's a beauty showing patriotism, care and love...
I thought to write something for Soldiers, but I couldn't..and I found one now, happy now coz atleast I read about them...
Thank you Bala for sharing this write of your's...I enjoyed...:)
Posted 7 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
7 Years Ago
I am glad you enjoyed this piece. You are right, Surya we show our gratitude and respects in our uni.. read moreI am glad you enjoyed this piece. You are right, Surya we show our gratitude and respects in our unique style.
Thank you as always, for visiting and supporting my work.
Hello Bala : )
The Kyrielle is my favorite form. I love it when repetition is done skillfully, and the Kyrielle allows this, letting the refrain convey the nuances of each stanza.
As for this Kyrielle, I must say it fits the technical requirements quite well. There's a uniform eight syllables per line and the rhyme scheme is spot-on, even with the sight rhyme in every stanza except the third. The message is also strong and clear, with the speaker expressing his or her numerous ways of showing respect and gratitude, and the beautiful typography matching the strength of the message. The final stanza was my favorite in that it mentioned a child's innocence (I love children) and compared smiling to taking a bow ... a comparision not many would think of.
Some suggestions:
- In the first line, I suggest changing "This head" to "My head" because it makes it clearer whose head you're referring to.
- In the second line, I suggest capitalizing the word "Savior" for emphasis.
- William Liston
Posted 7 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
7 Years Ago
Thank you very much for your very valued suggestions, William.
As for the first one, even I .. read moreThank you very much for your very valued suggestions, William.
As for the first one, even I thought of "my head" first but I I didn't want to begin with a possessive so I thought "This head " would be better. And for the second one I agree.
We all have our unique ways of presentation that sometimes are guided by our cultures and traditions.
Opinions and suggestions always help us understand things better.
Thank you for your visit and comments.