The Mountain: Part I of the Quest

Having given a chance to find what is lost, a man undertakes a Quest. The Mountain is the first part of a four part installment in the Quest Series.

The Mountain

1.

Heading Out

As the door to the hospital opens, a monstrous wind engulfs me with a blizzard of biting snow.  The snow is so dense and the wind so forceful, I step back, and the doors automatically close.  The main ER room is now silent and dark.  I look at the doors again, and look back at the resuscitation room with the woman standing in a darkened corner, and feel confused, and for the first time, disoriented.  It was not snowing like this when I arrived, and it does not seem like the same environment that existed outside.

With my resolve once again in place, I step on the pad that automatically opens the door, and the howling gale once again engulfs me, pushing me back into the room. The snow is blinding, and the noise is incredible.  I think to retreat into the building, but find myself moving forward.  The pack on my back has ropes and some provisions, and hopefully something that I may need in the future, but have not thought of now.  The orb is in my coat, next to my heart.  I will not touch the thing until I reach the summit.  It feels warm in my pocket, but that could be the coat maintaining the warmth that is rapidly fading from my person.

2. 

I am slogging forward in the dark with snow blowing all around me.  I’m now 44 hours into my journey.  The time since I left the hospital is now a jumbled collage of memories filled with physical pain.  I’m wrapped in cold weather mountaineering gear with skis and skins strapped to my boots.  I’m trying to hurry, but worry that I’m running out of energy.  My physical ability to summit the highest peak in the range during a nighttime winter storm is strongly being tested.  I have the orb zipped in my inner pocket in my parka.  I can feel its warmth even through the layers of winter clothing I’m wearing.  My feet continue to shuffle upward to the highest point in the range, and also the highest peak at 14,542 ft. above the ocean surface.  I’m headed for the highest summit, where I was told that if I could make it to the top before midnight of January 9^th, I would receive information on my son that would either find where he is, or could possibly be a big lie, and illustrate my trusting nature and label me a fool.  Be that as it may, when the lady outlined what my task would be, I initially thought that she is not real, and her presence is only manifest due to my mind’s attempt to not face with what I’m a witness to; the death of my son.  I also knew that being in a state of shock and devastation, I was wide open for anyone to tell me that my son could be found if only I were to do to this one small thing.  This one small task, that if accomplished in the time allotted, would lead me to Shannon.  When I think back on the ladies words now, I find that she did not say Shannon would be back with us, though she did say that I would gain more information than I had now regarding my son.  I felt both like a fool, and a warrior with great determination to see this to the end, even if it kills me.  

I was told that if I could place the orb, that I would possibly get my son back.  But if I did not place the orb in the slot at the top of the mountain peak, then I would never know about Shannon and his status.  I could do nothing of course.  That’s what a sane person would do, and not being of sane mind at that instant, I jumped at the chance.  Granted, the instructions given to me in that dark and silent Emergency Room lobby were something found in fiction, I did not waver in my thought that I could make it.  I could make it to the top in 48 hours in a winter storm.  When I last looked at my watch, I had 4 hours to make it to the summit and place the orb.  I maybe lost right now, but I don’t think so.  I think I’m on course, but I am in the dark with howling winds.  I have a compass that I’m trying to track accurately, but it’s slowing me down trying to read the directional finder, and ski at the same time.  My life has become a living nightmare since Shannon’s heart stopped.  I have gone from a warm sleepy contented slumber next to my wife to the shuffling gait of a crazed freezing individual pining to summit a mountain peak in the dark.  If I don’t make it, I’m not sure about anything after that.  I only know I have to make it.  I have to.

I think I’m nearing the summit.  I have shifted from hiking uphill to climbing a steep slope.  I’m using an ice axe with crampons strapped to my feet, and I’m continually moving up, nothing else matters except to continue to climb.  My thoughts an hour ago kept telling me I was just at the summit, but the more I climbed, the more mountain I found.  My existence has coalesced into a very bizarre feeling that the world around me does not exist outside of the headlamp light.  For outside of the beam of light, it is all blackness.  This sounds crazy now, but in my sleep-deprived brain right now, alone in the howling winds and frostbite-induced cold, it just may be the case.  It is the uncertainty of this fact that worries me.

It has to be up just a bit.  I have to be at the summit.  I only have an hour or so before my time is up, and midnight will pass.  That thought is unfathomable to me as I am sure my next step will take me to the top. Around this time I feel something following me.  Not so much hearing with my ears, but a sense that something bad is lower on the mountain and moving toward me.  I can’t really explain what I’m feeling, but a sense of foreboding and dread creep into my mind.  I quickly shut it out and tell myself to keep moving, not even allowing my brain to process what it is I fear, but it’s there.  

At some point, I noticed through the howling winds and blowing snow that I reached the summit.  My headlamp does not illuminate much as all I can perceive is blowing snow and isolated pieces of rock jutting out of the snow.  I use these rocks to hold on to the surface as the higher I go, the stronger the wind is ripping my clothing and trying to tear off my hat and goggles.  I am struggling furiously to hang on and find the location where I am to place the orb.  I am bone cold, and my hands and feet have lost sensation.  My face feels as though a layer of plastic has been imprinted, and my skin is no longer pliable.  I am freezing and out of energy as I search for the opening. Panicking, I cannot find anything that resembles the description I received.  I am also so frightened by the though that I have been tricked and am now a living example of the biggest fool the world has ever known.  These thoughts have been with me the entire journey, but have come to the forefront of my brain, as I cannot find the slot or whatever it is that I am to insert the orb.  I frantically dig and move snow around looking for the opening.  I am beyond panic as I hear noises made from a person who may be going insane.  The cold darkness is closing in and with each minute that I don’t find the pedestal, my energy is draining away.  

And then suddenly, I feel something not made of nature.  It is flat and has distinct edges.  I dig furiously and find that I’m digging out a platform with a round indentation about the size of the Orb.  My first thought it that a baseball would fit right into that indentation.  It looks even more odd with the blowing snow refracting my headlamp’s light.  Once I scour out most of the snow, the wind takes the rest, revealing a smooth platform with an imprint of a half of a baseball.  I’m elated.  I’ve found the spot. Incredible my brain screams. I stop digging and with wild abandon, unzip my coat, remove one of my gloves and find the orb in my jacket.  The thing feels warm to the touch as I pull it out and orient it above the slot.  The warmth of the orb is keeping my hand warm.  Without it, my hand would freeze solid in under a minute.  As I place the baseball size object, the colors are swirling wildly inside. I hesitate for an instant wondering what will occur.  

Plunging the orb in to the gap, the mountaintop makes a very deep booming sound that I feel more in my bones, than hear above the howling wind.  I wait to see what is next, and slump back from the orb, which is now recessing into the mountain.  While I put my mitten back on my now warm hand, I watch the orb as it slowly slides downward into the platform, giving off a faint glow of white light.  Inherently, I’m drawn to the light, as it’s a source of comfort, heat and warmth, and something I can’t put my finger on.  All I know at this point, is that the light is a good thing, not something to be feared.  My entire being was driven by fear and anxiety from the moment my son complained of a small pain somewhere in his chest.  From that time to this, I’ve been consumed with fear and anxiety.  It is a nice relief, and a good feeing to see the very faint light shining out of the orb.  It felt nice because it was an affirmation that I am in the right place at the right time, and maybe I’ve completed my task.  This thought occurred as soon as I saw the light.  Whether I thought of these things consciously, or subconsciously, I don’t know.  I do remember feeling better about my entire journey though at this point, and relaxed inwardly.  If you had witnessed this from above, you would have seen a hooded figure clad in a dark blue one piece mountaineering suit wearing goggles immobile as the light intensified.  However, as the light began to get brighter, I became a bit concerned.  

Along with the brighter light, came a deep rumbling sound, the sound was so deep, it continued to be felt more than heard.  This combination of deep sound and booming vibrations continued with the brightening of the orb, until the light shot from the orb in a huge crescendo of noise, mimicking a train roaring by at high speed.  Along with the screaming noise, a concentrated beam of narrow light shot into the sky illuminating everything around the mountaintop for miles.  The light was so bright that I immediately covered my face and screamed.  I was glad no one could hear me, as I felt foolish and childlike with my outburst.  But after a few minutes the sound slowed to a loud vibration hum that I could feel in my bones.  The light was a beacon.  This thought came to my mind as I finally could open my eyes ever so slowly.  My vision had become accustomed to darkness with the faint headlamp illuminating snowflakes swirling around my head.  Now I was looking at the brightest light I had ever witnessed.  

The light went up as far as I could see, and was now illuminating the surrounding mountain ranges.  The light bathed everything in its grasp, and was slowly melting the snow around the platform.  I felt the warmth and it was the most comforting feeling I had ever experienced.  My entire being went from frostbitten, to warm in a millisecond.  It felt as though I were immersed in very warm water that was flowing around every part of my body.  The feeling was breathtaking.  Not only did I feel warm, but also a beautiful feeling of euphoria encompassed my entire being.  I wept with the feeling, and wondered if it had anything to do with my son Shannon.  Was this energy encompassing his body at this moment?  Was this power bringing him back to life in the resuscitation room of Primary Children’s Hospital?  I hoped with all my being that this power was running through him at this very second and bringing him back to life.  That my wife would now look up to see Shannon’s vital signs returning to normal, with the doctors and nurses standing back looking in shock at his rapidly increasing body functions.  That in the silence of that moment, my son Shannon would turn his head directly to Lisa, and tell her that he feels fine, and can we go skiing now.  That thought consumed me at this point.  I did not think of my own situation, that of being on top of a frozen mountain of rock and snow, buffeted by a nighttime winter storm engulfed in enormous howling winds forever lowering the temperature levels dangerously below zero.  I did not think of that, because I had the light, and I also had hope.  I had completed The Quest, and Shannon had to be alive now.  Especially with this incredible light that was now flaring all around me and shooting straight up into the inky black sky.  

I asked to no one in particular, “Is my son alive?”

3.

Exhausted, I sat back and gazed at the pillar of laser light knifing through the blackness.  I had no way of knowing what was taking place back in the hospital, but I did know that the Orb was imbedded in the platform.  I had finished my task, or so I thought, and a sudden heaviness was taking over.  It felt like I was immune to the cold and wind, and I could stay here forever and be content.  I worried about my son, but the horror seemed to be leaving me.  I felt sleepy and content and thought to close my eyes for only a brief instant.  Maybe take a quick nap, and then move down the mountain.  It would feel so nice to sleep and turn off all that I had endured to this point.  I tried to think how long I had been awake, but with time kind of screwed up since I started this quest, I wasn’t sure. So while I stayed motionless in my fugue, I felt myself lift out of my inert body. 

Suddenly, I could look down at the prone figure lying in the snow motionless.  My first thought was to wonder if I was dead, if I had died from hypothermia.  I really wasn’t sure what was going on.  I felt fine, and noticed that the biting cold, howling winds, and clawing snow did not affect me at all.  In fact, these elements did not touch me, they all moved through me.  The fact that I could look down at myself and wonder these things didn’t elude me.  I turned around in a 360-degree arc, and looked at the surrounding peaks illuminated by the laser light bathing the surrounding area for at least a quarter mile in every direction.  My vantage point began to change.  I was now looking down on the mountain range illuminated by the light, and it was getting smaller every second, until the area resembled a small model illuminated by a dim light.  The laser was still as strong as ever, shooting straight up through the night, but the mountaintops were getting smaller and dimmer with each second.  I could barely view my prone form lying motionless on the highest peak, but that too was diminishing with every second.  I did not question where I was going, as it was very comforting and soothing to move upward without pain, cold, or fatigue.  I was flowing with some unseen force that was whisking me to a place I knew not, nor cared about.  I knew though that the feeling of warmth and love enveloped me like a warm blanket, and that was all I knew.

4.

 

My consciousness awoke from the depths of a great ocean.  The feeling of movement through the fluid around my limbs brought my mind to focus on my surroundings.  I was weightless and the water felt very soothing.  As I continued to gracefully swim upward, I found the darkness was giving way to light. I felt strong and healthy and powerful as my limbs kicked and swam and I continued to rise out of the darkness.  When I broke the surface, the ocean was motionless as though I had broken through a silent boundary. The feeling was that of rising into a new world where I was the sole inhabitant.  The feeling of tranquility and peace was overwhelming. I stayed quiet for a minute or so, taking in the feeling of the warm water swirling around my body.  I could see a white sandy beach within a mile or so.  The distance did not worry me, as I innately knew that I could swim that distance with ease.  I began to propel myself to the beach in even strong strokes that matched my feeling of strength and ease. While moving through the water, a small tickle of a dream took shape and eased to the forefront of my imagination.  It was more of an image actually, that of a person on the summit of a cold dark mountain.  I could vaguely see the person, and wondered who he was, and what he was doing.  It looked cold and forbidding and the person looked very lonely, sad, and alone.  The scene may have come from a recent dream I may have had, but it was fleeting and hard to remember.  I did not give it any more thought as the beach was coming into view and I could begin to feel sand under my feet.  The sea remained calm as I walked out of the water and moved onto the warm white sandy beach.  I pulled my long thick hair back from my face, and fastened it into a ponytail with a leather thong I had in my pocket.  It felt good to be in the sun and I stretched to the sky.   My body felt lean, strong, and tan.  The hardness of my arms and chest matched the powerful feeling of the rest of my young body. The scene of the person on the mountain faded from my memory.

When I looked toward the land from the ocean, I noticed the beach quickly became a lush jungle that continued upland with flowing water and large plants and trees.  The foliage and vegetation that covered the ground was all different shades of green.  In the distance I could hear water flowing from many sources.  It was nice to be here, and I felt very good.   

As I moved off the beach and calmly walked through the jungle, I noticed the scent of growing things pervaded the air.  The smell of jasmine and other flowers filled my senses.  I strolled through the foliage following a small braided stream that networked around a variety of vegetation.  The stream continued past me, as I walked without really knowing where I was going.  

5.

As the trail became steeper I noticed that my pace slowed a bit, and I had to watch where I walked as the trail became less distinct.  At one point, I had to scramble over larger rocks and boulders to continue to follow the stream, which became a series of small cascading waterfalls flowing over moss covered rocks.  The sound of the water rushing over the boulders was very soothing.  I cupped my hands into the falls, and drank deeply of the cool sweet water.  Feeling refreshed, I continued to climb upwards, and a thought came to mind; that of a person who climbed with frantic energy.  The image was not a pleasant one; as the scene was fraught with worry and at times, panic.  I wondered why I was having these thoughts, as I had never done these things before.  I tried to shake off the memories or whatever they were, and felt myself reaching the source of the stream.  Above me a large rock outcrop jutted from the jungle vegetation.  I continued to climb to reach the base of the rock, and then I arrived, pulled myself up to the flat warm surface of the stone.  I took a few quick steps while turning around to appreciate the scenery.  The vista provided a lovely view of the canopy tops connecting the blue ocean waters by the white sandy beach. From this vantage point, I could see the colorful coral reef that rested 50 feet below the surface of the ocean. Flowing in and around the coral reef were multitudes of very colorful schools of fish.  Each school projected it’s own color scheme which gracefully flowed through the water

When I reached the top, I was greeted by a person who was sitting comfortably at the end of the outcrop with one leg propped up, looking out over the jungle.  I was expecting to be alone up here, as I had the feeling like I was alone so many times before, but the unexpected visitor was a welcome sight.  I didn’t know why, but I was very happy to see him.  He was a boy of about 14 with longer curly brown hair that blew with the wind.  He was a very good-looking kid, with a confident expression and something about him that looked familiar.  I felt like I had known him before, but maybe not.  Sometimes it’s like that, you feel like you’ve seen this person before, maybe in another setting, and could not figure out where.  It really didn’t matter, as it was good to see him and we greeted each other like old friends.  He told me his name, but I immediately forgot.  I do that sometimes when someone will tell me his or her name, and for whatever reason, I forget.  I told him my name was Brian, and that it was good to see him.  He said it was very good to see me, and that he was waiting for me.  I didn’t know what to say at that, as I didn’t think anyone would know I was coming up here.  But again, sometimes I forget things.  I sat down next to him, and we both had that easy way, where you felt immediately comfortable with someone even though you don’t know him or her.  I thought inwardly that it would be nice to maybe go surfing or maybe swim with the marine life with this kid, as he seems to project a very positive energy.  When I asked him what he was doing up here, he smiled, and then said other than waiting for me, he had something he wanted to tell me.  He said that, again, he was waiting, and was glad that I made it.  He even called me Bernie at that point, and I wasn’t sure what to make of that.   Although I do remember someone named Bernie, and the person played golf.  But again, the memories were somewhat fleeting.  Maybe it was a book I had read.  By the look on my face, the boy only smiled and gave me a shove.  I laughed at my own goofiness and looked out over the jungle to the calm ocean waters, massaging the colorful coral reef that lived below.  

Who’s Bernie?

6.

While we sat on the rock, he looked at me and asked if he could tell me a story.  I said sure, not thinking too much about the enormity of what he was going to tell me.  He stopped and gave a long look over the ocean waters, looked up into the air for something, and then turned his head to me slowly and asked if I had any memories of a person named Shannon.  I stopped, looked at him, and then looked out over the ocean waters.  Somewhere, something was nagging at me that I knew this person.  The name sounded vaguely familiar, and I thought for an instance that I knew this person.  I asked if it were a man or a woman?  He said it was a boy, and he is about 14 years old.  I thought again and then mentioned that I didn’t think I knew anyone named Shannon.  I wondered why he would ask me that.  Maybe it was because we had a friend in common, or maybe it was someone I had met earlier.  But as I didn’t know the person, I let it go.  I then asked him where he came from.  He said that this was his home, but he had been away at another place for some time, somewhere much colder.  He indicated it was a good place, where you can ski and he had lots of fun.  He said that he missed being there, but the time came for him to leave.  I asked why did he have to leave.  Maybe he had to return to school?  The boy looked to be school age, but then again, as it was warm and sunny, he must be off for the summer.  A small breeze came in from the warm ocean waters and ruffled his longer curly locks exposing more of his face.  He had a great smile this kid, and he looked very strong and healthy.  I wish I could remember his name I thought, but no matter.  I’ll ask him again when the time is right.  After remaining quiet for some time, he again looked at me and asked where I was from.  

I looked at him and didn’t know what to say.  I could not remember much of anything about where I had come from.  Where was my home?  I did not know.  This was disturbing to say the least, and somewhat embarrassing. Again, I thought hard on his question.  Where did I live? Where is my home?  Nothing.  I felt very embarrassed at my lack of knowledge of where I had come from.  I looked at him and kind of laughed.  That laugh where you find yourself at a loss and feel like a dope.  I looked out over the ocean and hoped something would come to me, but nothing did.  I kept looking at the ocean, and told him that I didn’t know where I came from.  I only know swimming to this place, and then talking to him.  I know this sounded lame, but I didn’t have any memories before that time.  Odd.

7.

The boy looked at me again and said that it’s not surprising that I could not remember where I came from.  He said that it’s happened before.  He said that he was here before for a short time about 3 years ago, but for whatever reason was called back to the mountainous cold place.  He said at first he was dismayed that he had to leave, but felt somehow the timing of his visit here was off, and that although he was going back, he would return pretty soon.  I asked him if he liked it here, and he said yes.  He said that he has lots of friends and family here that he’s known for a long time, and that even though his main family is back in the mountainous place, they will come here eventually. 

It sounded nice to come here and live here.  I really liked the view of the ocean and the nice setting.  Also, there is a feeling of contentedness that I noticed since I swam here.  I’m not sure what it is, but I’ve felt really good since I arrived.  I’m not sure how to explain it, but my senses could not take in all that was around me.  I looked at the boy and asked him if he thought I was to stay here for a long time.  He had a nice smile on his face, and looked into the setting sun over the ocean.  The ocean breeze ruffled his hair once again and without looking at me indicated that no, I was not to stay here, that I would be moving on soon.  When I asked him about leaving, he had the same nice smile, but he looked suddenly very sad. He slowly turned his gaze to me and said not to worry, that I could come back soon.  I was confused. Should I get some type of signal or notice to tell me about when I’m to find a ride or catch a flight or something?  But he didn’t say any more on the subject, but said we should enjoy the time we have here together, as my ride would be leaving somewhat shortly.

8.

How about a nice swim then?  The boy jumped to his feet and said we should go swimming.  I was getting a bit warm in the setting sun and thought that was a fine idea.  He moved swiftly and with a youthful grace over the rock outcrop and jumped from boulder to boulder on his way down the hillside.  Surprisingly, I kept up just as well.  For some reason, I was under the impression that my legs would ache, or I should watch out for my knee, as it doesn’t work too well.  I looked down at my leg and thought it was kind of odd.  I’m young and strong, why would I worry about joints that hurt, or past injuries.  The thought made me pause.  Something in the back of my mind told me that I had past injuries to my knee, and maybe to my neck.  I touched my neck and it felt fine.  No pain and no scars anywhere.  Still, something was there telling me to go slower and watch where I was placing my feet.  I looked down the trail and the boy was moving even faster with his long curly hair flowing behind him.  He was very wiry and strong and moved with ease throughout the boulders.  He even ran by the waterfall only to dunk his head into the water briefly.  He turned to me with a smile pushing his hair back from his face, and laughed.  I returned the laughter and we both ran down the path.  The closer we got to the water we looked at each other and sprinted trying to beat the other to the sea.  Laughing and hooting we hit the beach, he moved ahead of me yelling that Bernie is getting slow an dove into the cool waters.  I laughed even more and threw myself into the ocean waters.  We surfaced laughing and sputtering.  I looked at him and said “Good times Bub”.  At that, I stopped.  Why did I call him Bub?  I asked him if that’s his name, and he looked at me with a smile and said that it’s a nickname.  Kind of like Bernie is a nickname for me.  Is that right?  Is my nickname Bernie?  I do remember being called that, but I’m not sure.  It had to do with a golf course I think, and it was a fun thing.  Something you remember because your family named you that, but you really don’t know why.  I looked at him kind of funny and said, “So, my name is Bernie?”  He laughed that high pitched laugh one gets with utter hilarity, although I still didn’t know why, I was also laughing like hell, I too thought that Bernie was a funny name.  It sounded like someone who would play golf I thought.  Then again, I really didn’t know much of anything, but unending laughter standing in the shallows of the ocean.  It was good to laugh like this.  I thought for a second that I had laughed like this before.  It too also had something to do with a golf course.  I could make out the boys face, which looked much thinner at the time laughing like this.  I tried to remember more, and got the vision of this boy maybe being younger and looking kind of sick.  Was that right?

9.

When the laughter finally wound down, with a few outbursts still wanting to get out, I got the impression that I know this boy.  It was the laughter that jogged my memory.  The image I have of a boy and an even younger girl laughing like this brought back a memory from somewhere sometime.  I don’t even know if it’s my memory, or something I had observed, but the laughter I do remember.  The girl that came into view was a very pretty little girl who resembled a lovely picture of someone from Ireland.  The thought of Ireland came to mind, but where that place exists, I could not tell you at that moment, I only knew the girl was very pretty and I loved her.  I also know that this boy loved the girl who looked Irish.  As I looked down into the water, I asked the boy if I could call him “Bub”.  He said it was his nickname given to him by his father.  Where did he come up with that name, I asked.  He said he didn’t know, but he was also called other nicknames including “Bigs”, and even “Louie Vinchenzi”, to which, he rolled his eyes and made that face that says “who knows where they came up with that name?”  

I smiled and could tell he liked all of his nicknames, even though he didn’t let on.  He then said that the girl is his sister, and he missed her.  Although she still lived in the cold mountainous place, she would eventually come and live with him in this place in no time.  Actually, he said, time didn’t really work in this place.  Confused, I glanced his way and while the waters swirled around my legs, I focused on his words.  Why didn’t time work here?  What was that all about?  He smiled again while looking for something under the ocean waters, and said that’s just how it is.  He then spoke of the Irish girl and how he loved her with all his heart, and wished she wouldn’t be so sad about his leaving.  He was really not gone, but just in a different place.  He then stopped looking through the blue ocean waters and turned his head to look directly at me.  With a piercing look that locked eyes with mine, he said he also wished his mom and dad did not miss him either, that he is happy, and actually at they’re home waiting for them.  He then went on to explain how time is not a constant; it’s almost instantaneous that they will arrive here.  How a kid this age knew about such things did not go by me.  How do you know this, I asked.  He smiled again, and said that he just knows stuff. With that he jumped up and shoved me under the cool blue waters.  I was surprised, but as we were going under, I had this feeling like I had done this before.

10.

When we came out of the water, we kicked on our back and moved away from the beach.  We kicked like that for some time and then allowed ourselves to float above the colorful coral reefs that lay beneath our feet.  The boy asked me if I had ever scuba dived before.  I wasn’t sure, but said that maybe I had.  I once again felt frustration at not knowing much about anything of my past.  It as like I had some type of mental issue where I could not remember things.  I kept getting brief glimpses of things, places, names, feelings, but nothing concrete.  The boy said we should swim over to a small sailboat around a cove.  We both swam easy and when we turned the corner, I noticed we were in a beautiful small bay with a waterfall that cascaded into the ocean.  The waterfall was the termination of one of the streams that we had ran along when we came off of the rock outcrop.  I looked up in the dimming sun, and saw the large outcrop.  It looked very high up and inviting again.  

In the middle of the bay there was the most beautiful sailboat I had ever seen.  It had the whitest sail, with a blue-hulled boat. It looked very large but just the right size in the cove.  The combination of the sheer white sail billowing in the breeze, and the green backdrop of the jungle made for a breathtaking view.   We swam over and found there was a ladder attached to one side.  We climbed the ladder with water dripping off our bodies and hair, we both smiled at each other.  I once again thought how nice it was to be with this kid.  We were having a really good time, and the feeling of overall contentedness and happiness washed over me.  I felt strong and lean in the setting sun.  I looked around, and told him this is a very cool place, and where did he ever fine this.  I was wondering if his family owned the boat, and when I looked around further, found all sorts of scuba gear tucked away in compartments along the rail.  He again asked if I would like to scuba dive, and I said yes.  Innately, I knew how to put the equipment together, and how it worked.  I told him that I knew how it worked, and he gave me a look that told me he knew that I could do this.  How he knew, eluded me at that moment for I was excited to look at the ocean below the surface with him.  I asked him if he knew how to scuba, and he said yes, he had done this before.  He stopped putting on the equipment on his back, looked at me, and said that he would have done this with me and his mom and sister, but had to come to this place too soon.  He then clipped on the last of the gear and told me that they would be coming to this place soon and would do this together.  He also told me that I would be coming back also, and it would be the best day we ever had when we all get together again.  He also said with a huge smile on his face, that when we do get together, we could stay together forever.  That we do not have to leave ever again seemed so terribly comforting to me I felt like crying.  Why was I suddenly crying?  The thought of the four of us being together again for as long as time would go sounded like the best thing ever conceived.  I didn’t even know these people, let alone be with them for eternity.  What is going on here?  I sat on a small bench with a wet suit covering my strong frame, and fins on my feet and sobbed.  I tried not to let on what was going on with me, as I was embarrassed that I would act like this.  I had no idea why this was making me so sad.  I should be happy that we were going diving; something (I think) was really fun.  But instead, the picture of four people together for a long time seemed unreachable at this time.  Who were they, and why is that so important, I did not know.  I just sat there and sobbed.  

The boy dropped his scuba gear making sure it didn’t slide around the deck, and came over to me and hugged me.  I hugged him back and cried all the harder.  He was strong and lithe with sun tanned arms and he held me and told me it would be OK.  I tried to make a joke about acting like a sissy, and he didn’t move.  He just held me in his arms and told me it would all work out in the end.  I finally got it together, and looked at him through red-rimmed tear stained eyes.  He looked at me with concern, and told me he was sorry he had caused me so much pain.  Looking out at the green landscape, he said to no one in a quiet voice that he was also sorry for causing his sister and mom the same pain.  I stopped and looked deeply into his eyes, and asked him what he meant.  He said he had to come here, as it was the way things were, but he had to leave his family, who missed him terribly.  He knew they were having a bad time, but it was for the best, and they would be together soon.  And then he did something that still astounds me.  He looked at me and said I would be here with the other two, and we would be together again.  We would be here with lots of other people who we knew and pain and sadness would be something that is not known.  I didn’t know what to say, only to look back at him.  He seemed very wise and knowing, like an old soul who had the wisdom of ages, but was in the body of a young boy.  I told him I wanted to stay here, that I didn’t want to go.  He smiled again and looked into the setting sun once again, and said that I would be back soon enough, that I had to take care of things in another place, and to do my best and try my hardest to finish my task.

Task?  I had a task I said.  I had to climb a mountain I thought.  My gaze became unfocused, and as the thoughts flashed in my head, I stood up and stared at the ocean surface.  I had a task.  What was it?  What was it I was to do?  It had to do with climbing and cold, and an object.  The thoughts were just out of reach.  But I knew of a task.  A very important task that I think worked out.  I think.  I looked at the boy and asked him if he knew of my task.  He said he did know, and that I am doing a very good job.  How he knew that, I wasn’t sure.  But I went with it.  At that time, he said we should dive if we were to go while the little light in the sky didn’t go away.  I absently said OK, but the thoughts still remained out of reach.  It was that feeling where the idea or name was on the tip of your tongue, but would not come any further. That’s how it was with these images and thoughts of people, cold, panicky feelings, and climbing.  I suddenly felt mentally weary, and thought the ocean water would help.  We donned our gear, gave each other a complete check and rolled off backwards from the side of the boat.

11.

After the initial shock of rolling off the boat and feeling the seawater engulf me again, I oriented myself and drained off a bit of air from my BC.  The BC or buoyancy compensator is a device used to help keep neutrally buoyant. A button is pushed on hose extending down from your left clavicle.  I depressed the button and started to descend into the sea.  At the point where I was maybe halfway to the bottom, I glanced at the button.  How did I know to push this button, and know that it would enable me to sink into the sea?  I looked again, and once more all sorts of images came into my head.  I looked at the boy and recognized him.  Not just someone, but someone that I loved.  He looked at me and through his scuba mask and smiled with his eyes.  

When they came, they came fast.  Swift graceful creatures flowed out of the inky depths to circle our position.  They were dolphins, and there were about 10 all together.  I was first taken aback and frightened at their size and speed, thinking that they were sharks coming to attack.  But after seeing them turn circles around us, I felt better, even giddy at the display of swimming prowess.  I had never seen dolphins before, but again, I knew about them.  They are very intelligent creatures with a great social calling.  They continued to swim around our perimeter in fast swimming strokes with us in the middle transfixed.  I tried to extend my hand and touch them, but they were too fast.  When one of the dolphins noted that I was trying to touch her, she slowed down and stopped directly in front of me.  With watchful warm caring eyes, she slowly moved towards me and nuzzled my neck with her bottle shaped nose.  Her slow movement with her strong tail kept us in contact and I stroked her head with slow petting motions, similar to that if you were to pet a big golden retriever.  While I was doing this, I felt a great love coming from this creature, that and something I cannot put my finger on.  It was some kind of knowledge and caring that was coming from the dolphin that I felt, but could not figure out.  It was like a language that I was hearing, but could not interpret what was being said.  I could understand a feeling though, and it was very nice.  I felt the dolphin was full of love and liked being with me. I looked over at the boy, and the remaining 9 or so dolphins were slowly swimming with him.  He had one hand on the back of one, near the dorsal fin, and they were moving in a wide circular pattern.  He looked like he knew the dolphins and they were good friends.  The dolphin in front of me slowly moved back and looked over at her friends including the boy.  She swam once behind me, and then inserted herself under my arm.  I put my hand on her back and we swam toward the group.  It was a marvelous feeling to be with the dolphins swimming and interacting with them in their environment.  But I felt something greater here.  I felt like they knew me, and I had known them for a long time.  Like we were old friends visiting.  The boy glanced over at me and extended his hand.  I took his hand and we stayed that way for a bit watching and interacting with the dolphins.  It was the most peaceful feeling I had ever had or knew of, as most of this was still something again that I knew but could not say why I knew.  

Suddenly, the boy let go of my hand and made a smile with his eyes again.  He extended his hand and the dolphins looked at him very carefully, like he was communicating with him somehow.  He then made a swirling motion with his extended hand, and like some unseen message was conveyed to the pod of dolphins.  They all swam vigorously towards the surface in smooth very powerful strokes and dove out of the sea, only to reenter a second or two after.  The display was amazing with dolphins disappearing out of the sea, only to reenter at massive speeds.  It was a display of grace and power, and I loved it.  They would reenter and shoot past us only to try once again.  It was like a grand game that everyone was playing, with me being the spectator.  After a few minutes, they slowed and regrouped around the boy.  He patted and stroked their necks lovingly and would touch his face to their noses.  His mask and regulator touching the smooth aqua colored skin of these wonderful animals, and I noticed they would slowly close their eyes when they interacted with him, like they were receiving a great warm feeling of goodness that made them happy.  Each dolphin waited his or her turn to interact with the boy, and when they were nuzzling each other, they would make a very audible clicking sound that was drawn out, similar to that of a very happy sigh. 

Slowly they moved away and then as if on cue, slowly swam to the dark distance where they had first emerged.  I looked at the pod, and then to the boy, who had his arm up in a slow wave.  One dolphin broke from the pod and made a slow turn in our direction.  It stopped and just gazed in our direction.  I could feel rather than hear a message coming from the beautiful and graceful creature.  It said; I love you and will miss you every moment we are apart.  But we will come back soon.  How I heard this in my mind I’m still not sure, but it was full of love and made me choke back a sob.  The dolphin then slowly turned and swam gracefully back into the darkness.  The sounds of clicking and dolphin language continued even after we could not see the pod. I looked at the boy and he slowly turned to me and smiled with his eyes again.  This smile had the same message in my mind, one that he loved me dearly, and would miss me greatly when I’m gone. My thoughts immediately asked why I had to leave this place.  He gave thumbs up sign, and this brought me out of my reverie.  I glanced down at my air pressure gage and noticed that I was running low on air.  So we slowly rose to the surface, stopping at about the 15-foot depth to allow the nitrogen gases to slowly expand and reenter our bloodstreams. To not stop and decompress would risk the bends.  The stop at 15 feet was an easy quick safety precaution to keep divers all over the world safe.  During this time, I looked at him again and tried to communicate how thankful I was that he would show me this incredible event.  He patted me on the back and we stayed in this embrace for the 3 minutes of decompression.  It would be one of the last times we spent time together before I had to go.

12.

When we reached the surface, we inflated our BC’s and floated on the warm calm ocean waters.  We had surfaced about 300 ft. from the sailboat and were in no hurry to swim over.  It was nice to float in the gentle waves and listen to the water lap over our equipment.  The feeling was very soothing and we laid back and spoke of the dolphins.  I told him that I could not believe how great that was, and if he had orchestrated the visit.  He said that in this place, all the beings are connected and can communicate with each other very easily.  They are his good friends he said, and he goes out to the ocean waters frequently to swim and play together.  I asked him how long he’s been doing this, and he replied he’s been doing this as long as he can remember.  As he was only about 14 or so, I thought it could not have been that long.  When I mentioned this to him, he looked thoughtful for a few seconds and said we should swim over to the boat and get dried off.  From the time I had first met him on the rock outcrop, I recognized that faraway look.  It spoke of an underlying message of something unsaid, but may come out at a later time. So I rolled back over and slowly kicked toward to the boat, which now to my surprise was silhouetted in the sunset sky and had glowing lights attached to the rigging to the top of the main sail.  How the lights were turned on I did not know, but with everything else on this day, I chalked it up to one more thing that I did not know.

While slowly kicking toward the boat, a thought came to my mind.  Why am I here?  I mean I just kind of showed up without any knowledge of where I came from, and where I’m going.  I’ve don’t have any knowledge of my past, just the present.  I looked at my watch and noticed the thing had broken, as the time was the same since I swam up earlier in the day.  Really though, before that, I have no memory of anything.  I do though have those quick glimpses of some type of climbing and cold and despair, but that’s it.  Nothing else.  Nothing to say where I lived before this, nothing to say what I did or where I went to school or worked or lived at all.  That’s kind of weird really.  The more I thought of this, the more perplexed I became.  Who am I?  My body was taught lean and strong, with long hair.  But was I always like this?  Was I always in good shape?  Something in the back of my mind spoke of an older man, a person who is no longer young, but not old yet.  Somewhere in the middle I guess.  My feelings were that this person was a good person and funny.  I remember funny.  But besides being a funny good person, that’s about it.  

We reached the boat, and shucked off our fins, tossing them on the back fantail of the boat.  They made a wet sloshing sound and then we both pulled ourselves out of the water on the back ladder. The sound of water draining out of our gear echoed off of the high island vegetation surrounding the bay.  We both walked with the heavy tanks and gear and sat down on the side of the boat.  We unclipped the straps and pulled the Velcro webbing open and slid out of the tanks.  Pulling off my wetsuit, I looked at the boy and asked him if it was OK to ask him a question that had been perplexing me.  He said sure while shaking the water out of his long brown curly hair.  I sat for a second, and then kind of sheepishly asked him who I was.  He didn’t miss a beat but picked up his BC and tank and while trying to stow it into a holder on the side of the boat, said nonchalantly that I am a good guy, and an old soul.  He said this with a smile on his face, and while I was waiting for some type of punch line or a joke or something, he leaned over to pick up his fins and mask, and said not to worry.  That I am who I am, and that I’m in the right place now.  That I am here because I wanted to come here and there really isn’t any more.  I looked at him a bit kind of uncomfortable and said that I want to know more.  Why do I not know what’s going on? He gestured across the dark ocean and tipped his chin.  As I followed his gaze, I saw a large catamaran slipping through the opening of the bay.  It was white, quite large with rigging that was illuminated by what appeared to be a thousand small pin lights all over each surface of the boat.  The lighting penetrated the darkening ocean surface, and the colorful corals beneath the sea lit up light they were in a painting.  As the boat moved into the bay, all sections of the ocean bottom would become vibrant and then go dark as the boat sliced through the calm ocean waters.  It was breathtaking how beautiful the scene unfolded.  I looked at the boy and he smiled, but it was not a happy smile.  I felt a sadness coming off of him with that look.  What was this about?  Why is this boat in the bay?  I had a thousand things running through my head, but the one point that stuck was the boy’s sad smile.  I didn’t like that look, as it portended to something I would not like.  I glanced at the boat again, which had stopped sailing and was floating silently close to our boat.  The lights were still as bright, but the boat was silent and unmoving.  A bad feeling was starting to creep up in my mind.  I was going to have to leave the boy again.  Things were uncovering from my memory at a rapid rate.  This boy was with me before, and he died.  He died in front of me and it was terrible.  I looked again at him, and then at the boat.  Although I watched this awful scene in my head again, I noticed that in my memories I wasn’t the same person then as I was now.  I was older and had different physical features.  What was this memory that was coming to the surface now?  

My mind was scrambling now.  Images of my son being resuscitated at Primary Children’s Hospital were mixed with him now with the dolphins.  Of me climbing a mountain in the dark while freezing.  Seeing the horror on my wife’s face as my son’s life seems away.  Rising out of the ocean depths and swimming with my son would change to me walking out of an emergency room dressed in mountaineering gear facing a raging blizzard.  All these things continued to move through my mind at a terrible pace.  I felt sick and scared.  I also thought of the bad things attempting to get at me on top of the mountain.  It was too much.  I was on the cusp of insanity at this point.  I turned and Shannon was gone.  I was on the boat alone and it was very dark.  Then I saw the lady again.  

Whining like a child, I yelled to her that I finished the Quest, and did what was asked of me.  I want my son back I yelled.  With a soft white light radiating around her, the lady walked out of the back of the beautiful boat and gestured to me to swim over to her boat.  I wouldn’t.  I did not want to leave my son.  Again.  So I pleaded and bargained but to no avail.  I knew he was gone from this place and my time was over.  So I did what needed to be done.  In a fog I walked to the back of the sailboat and silently entered the water.  I swam slowly and silently to the catamaran where I treaded water looking at the woman.  Why?  Why do I have to do this?  This is so hard I whispered and looked back to the sailboat hoping to see my son.  

I climbed into the boat and sat on the bench dripping water as I stared at the sailboat.  The lady came over and sat with me. I continued to tell her that I did what was asked over and over until I wasn’t making sense.  She sat next to me and wrapped me in a loving embrace.  It was like all the good things in the world encompassed me now and I melted.  I cried like a child for some time and then feeling foolish attempted to get myself together.  So….  I couldn’t finish the thought.  I had too much going on.  In a soothing whisper, she told me that I did indeed complete my Quest, and completed it with grace and dignity and she was proud of me.  Hoping beyond hope that Shannon will return, I asked the lady what happens now.  Continuing to embrace me, she looks out over the dark lagoon and whispers in my ear  “now begins the hard part Brian”.  

She was correct.

Author's Note

I'm open for any and all comments. Thanks much for the time.