To love or not to love.

There is some time in your life when you stop dreaming. You wake up. You look around you and realize this is all there is.

There is some time in your life when you stop existing. You start living. You realize how limited it all is.

There is some time in your life when you make decisions. You chose and sacrifice. You make risks. You paint the picture.

You have to decide who is worth taking the risk for; a soul mate may arise but equally so may an obliterated, once-so-perfect friendship.

Maybe we should listen to what they say. Maybe we should throw all caution to the wind and do what we both really want to do. Maybe we’ll be happy forever and fall asleep in each other’s arms. You’ll know to play me Simon & Garfunkel songs when I’m sad and I’ll know how to soothe your anxiety with words. We’ll watch cheesy films at the weekend and irritate each other with our damp senses of humour. It could be perfect.

Maybe we will wreck it all; shattered irreparable fragments of a best friend �" the result of teenage angst and a few months of unsurpassable love. The risk is perilous. They say you get clingy and I know I get jealous. They say we’re made for each other but if this is what love does then it’s not what I wished for. It could ruin everything I’ve ever dreamed of. A gust of wind is all that’s needed to tip me your way. You would break my heart. Perhaps I could break yours. And it would never be the same again.

Life is too short.

Maybe we’re not who we really think we are. Maybe I don’t know you. Maybe this is something we’ve been told we have to believe by so many people. Maybe you don’t know me. Who could ever love me? I don’t know. I’m a creature of the underworld and a hideous one at that. Nobody can ever fall in love with someone who hates themselves.

Maybe this is all a dream. Maybe I need to wake up. Maybe I need to take a look around and realize this is all there is. Maybe I need to start living. Maybe I need to get away and realize this is not all there is.