Desolation of Blue

A secret retribution once sought By this endless sky went astray. After that, he cast himself To the feet of the prodigal Blue To provoke its venality. Days went past and old songs Died in oblivion. And I, riding this earth for ages Got so far away from where I was. I still don't know how the sky Ended up seeking revenge And how the King of Blue Cried being caught off guard. I only remembered the day When brevity started to collapse From our hearts. The virulent underworld Unleashed the harvesters of dreams. A tumultuous altercation rose Above the shaken up earth. We looked up and trembled. The upcoming days rowed hard And its full canvas shadowed All I could see inside. The last evening was the most sombre And it riveted our way out. The bells tolled in faraway mountains. Those temple hymns filled The rim of my void, Which used to waylay me in delirium- Before the dreams were harvested away, Before brevity collapsed.

Author's Note

I'm new, and your review is important to me.
And I'm bad with grammar. So watch out. :P

Reviews

[TheRaven]

There's something about this that leaves me intrigued but I can't quite put my finger on it. I feel the nostalgia, and can see the theme running throughout. Something of a longing for days long past, and the play with the color blue and the sky is wonderful. Sky blue can be a happy image but the blues is not a happy feeling. I see childhood and adulthood, looking up at the sky and looking forward to the next bright day. Adulthood being the struggle to get going in the morning and move forward. Brevity was lost. Brevity, the short and sweet times of life. Childhood all too short before the crawl of adulthood. Quite enjoyed the brevity collapsed repetition. I'm on the fence whether it's too vague or not, but in its totality I really like this for being a not usually taken way to describe the feeling of nostalgia. Thumbs up from me.

[Baibhab Bose]

Woah mate! That nostalgia thing you just said you've felt and the way to you felt it is exactly the core of this poem and the very aspect that drove me to write this one. Thanks man!
Looks like we just connected emotionally through this poem! :p

[zunie frost]

"I only remembered the day
When brevity started to collapse
From our hearts.
The virulent underworld
Unleashed the harvesters of dreams."
such beautiful words my friend
i really like the theme and flow of the whole poem
very nicely written

[Baibhab Bose]

Thank you very much Zunie frost. It feels so good to get such remarks from fellow writer friends. ^.^

[zunie frost]

welcome !!

[Coyote Poetry]

Amazing use of words and thoughts. So many thoughts stood out in the poetry.
"I only remembered the day
When brevity started to collapse
From our hearts.
The virulent underworld
Unleashed the harvesters of dreams."
The above lines stood out to me. You left the reader with things to ponder. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Baibhab Bose]

That is the first review of my poem in an online poetry sharing site. :P And I am very happy about it.
An you maybe the first one to read this piece. I wrote this one this morning and before sharing it to my friends, I thought why not publish it in these kind of sites.
Thank you so much!

[Coyote Poetry]

This is a good place to learn, to improve and read other writers. So many styles and ideals. If you seek help ask. I'm a poor editor. Many good editors on the W.C. Good to meet you and you are welcome.

[Baibhab Bose]

Yes indeed! I looking forward to it!
And Coyote, which country you are from? :D

[Coyote Poetry]

I'm from Michigan, USA.