Memoirs of a Nutter: Chapter Five

Chapter 5

“No! We should’ve used the new tarps,” says Sammy as she steps into Jack’s dark red Volkswagon Beetle’s front passenger seat. Meet the Lady Bug. At one point in time, she had black polka dots, courtesy of Tracey. Now, she is just her simple blood red. Jack calls her Ida.

“Noo, noo, noo!” says Jack as she takes her seat at the driver position. “I don’t want to be killed!”

Louie grins and rolls her chocolate-like eyes as she sits inside of Lucy. “Pseudo-twins…”

Alex sits in the revealed go-devil of a Pontiac Trans-Am. Yeah; Frankie has a reason to cover up her Baby. The cars deep blue and white decals gleam under the old gnarly halogen lights.

“Oh, no, no,” says Frankie. “YOU are NOT driving my car!”

“I know the way!” says Alex. Her wrapped hands wrap around the black leather steering wheel, as if to say, “MINE.” Frankie sighs and sits shotgun.

Tracey was barely able to get to her seat and buckled in, when Frankie’s Baby is revved up.

Alex shoots out further into the alley, leading the way. Tracey easily follows her and is followed by Jack.

In the Trans-Am, Alex and Frankie are discussing how to get to Darren’s workplace… AKA: MORGUE. In Lucy, Louie and Tracey are jamming to some rock. And in Lady Bug, on a further end, Sammy and Jack are almost silent when Jack suddenly opens her phone and walkie-talkies all, singing in a Beatles-English accent, “Are we there yet? I’m tired. I’m hungry. How far?” She stops to laugh. Tracey takes this opportunity to remind her, “Dude, you’re always hungry!”

“Yeh, and can sleep a few hours from now! Geesh…” adds Frankie. “Gee, THANKS, Frank,” Jack growls under her breath.

“I, for one, think it’s funny,” snaps Alex. “Continue the quote/song.”

Jack shrugs it off and continues to sing in the accent, “My nose is getting snotty. Need to move my body. Gotta use the potty. Let us stop the car.”

“You always need to move!” argues Alex.

“Yeh, and YOU’RE the one driving,” pointedly says Louie.

“Okay, WAKKO,” sneers Frankie. She always gets grouchy when her “less good looking” twin steals the show with her wit, and Jack knows it. “Thank you!” Which in Jack-ish is “Bite me!”



“What are we going to tell him?” asks Tracey. Her voice hints toward her anxiety.

“The truth, of course,” answers Sammy. “The truth and nothing but the truth. All of us should.”

“I agree,” states Louie, her soft voice sounding almost like an angel agreeing instead of their sister talking.

“Do you swear?” Jack asks in the Wakko accent and pauses for response. They all bite with Yeah’s all around. “Hook, line, sinker,” thinks Jack. She restrains herself from grinning, so Sammy won’t give her next statement away. “Well, you shouldn’t; it’s not nice…” she answers, still in the Wakko accent.

Now, a group of laughs and a single groan leak through the walkie-talkie. That single groan was the princess, the “perfect” daughter”, the weathergirl… Frankie.

“You’ve been watching ‘Animaniacs’,” states Alex. Like Sammy, Louie, and Tracey (and unlike Frankie), Alex knows Jack too well to ask stupid questions.

“Of course, yeh!” answer Jack (in her usual voice). “Hello?! Filmmaker?!” It’s true; Jack has been filming skateboarding since she was a sophomore in college. That’s how she met so many off-again on-again boyfriends, and how she got her reputation… And, possibly why Bob became fascinated with her.

“True. True,” admits Alex, almost laughing.

“Okay, let’s chatter among ourselves,” says Sammy. “Alex let us know when we’re about there, okay?”

“’Kay!” says Alex