Magnificence of your mind

 

Magnificence of your mind

 

Last night was a sweltering one

As I ventured down the road

Those enormous cirrus clouds tuned its drum

As the ground shook, rattled and rolled

 

 Raindrops flooded my mind

 As I prayed for a reprieve

 Seemed like a waste of time

While contemplating being deceived

 

Light in the shape of darts

Stung my loafs as I cringed from the pain

The deafening sound broke my heart

With a walls of water that could not be tame

 

Cleansing my soul as I wait for my trial

Rhythmically my heart was in contempt

Something was missing, my radical smile

My spirit, concaved and bent

 

 

A sudden breeze offers relief

 It came whispering in the wind,

“Where have you been my loving sweet?”

Mesmerized by this drenching sin,

 This echoing followed

“I was Lost in the caverns,

 of the magnificence,

of your mind.”

 

Author's Note

Some people will do that too me

Reviews

[Dani California]

I have to agree with my sis below...
take a bow dear!

This is wonderful Ralphie!

"A cool breeze accompanied the awaiting relief
Whispering in the wind, "where have you been?"
Mesmerized by my drenched mine, the echoes followed
"I was Lost in the caverns of the magnificence of your mind."


Brilliant. Truly...

[Michael X]

ralphy, your poem is almost there, don't you feel it,
look at the form and the run-on sentencing, if you could reduce the wording
to the essense, rewrite this in complete sentences, using punctuation,
left margin, because centering is amature..imo,
and only works well in some cases professionally.. it works well in this case
but in in an amature way.. so left margin your words,
refine the form to patterened stanzas, that being the same ammount'
of lines in each, and you could pull this off nicely.
you have a talent for prose but your form is all wrong. imo..
keep up the great work.

[Carrie Montgomery]

some people do that to me too! My, but you are a surprising wealth of depth and perception aren't you!?

[emmajoy]

The world and its weather has a lot to answer for, good and bad. In this you've shown such a delicate picture of near discovery, that there's a thought out there just waiting to be thought.

Think the cavern is your mind too... but so glad you found another mind that echoes with yours.

[[untitled]]

Maybe some people will do that to you, but this poem has certainly done that "to me".

"A cool breeze accompanied the awaiting relief
Whispering in the wind, "where have you been?"
Mesmerized by my drenched mine, the echoes followed
"I was Lost in the caverns of the magnificence of your mind."

Brilliant and bittersweet.

The imagery used here is angelic. Truly.

The stage is lit up and calling your name to take a bow, and claim . . .

your fame . . .

Brava!